I wrote this for you. 

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            I was going through my old journals the other day. It seems as though everything that I wanted to say, that I should have said are all faded pencil scratches scribbled on cheap paper from way back then.

You, my friend, my crush, my love. I wrote this for you. I hope you one day read this, one day soon. And maybe you’ll find your way back to me.

            The pathways that led us to each other are now covered in overgrown grass and moss. It couldn’t be avoided, even though we hate to see it go, time does fly. With or without us. We could only hope that through all the chaos that erupts with time, our hands would never wander away from each other’s. Our eyes would never lose sight of each other. Indeed it had. It’s a dull tragedy with only god as a witness. An invisible wall wedging between us without neither of us realizing it. And the moment when one of us decides to come up for a simple breath. We notice our other half is gone. It’s a confusing moment, you want to blame someone. How could you not realize that every missed birthday or anniversary was only leading to the demise of our relationship?

I want to blame you. I want to blame you for everything. For rejecting my feelings, to never letting me in. To never telling me what was wrong when the look in your eyes seemed so distant. When the sound of your voice seemed so… lost. But it seems as though it was my fault. I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t fight for you hard enough. I didn’t love you good enough and so, the fingers laced with mine slowly slipped from their grip, those eyes that smiled for me slowly shifted to anew focus and it was all my fault.

“You make me real. Please make me real.” You uttered once under the bridge we would secretly meet up to avoid the harsh gaze of society, and I stared at you confused. What had those words meant? I know now. I was your life line to everything sane in this world, I kept you on your feet and loving me was the only way you knew you were alive. As stubborn and as distant you may have seemed. Your heart had always belonged to me.

Why couldn’t I see that then?

            My skin is as thick as they come, keeping the cold rain and harsh words out. My skin was as thick as they come yet, yet you are still under it. You told me not to hold onto such silly feelings, that life was too short to dwell on sad meetings and sad partings. But you were a story that I never wanted to end. A chapter in my life that I wished could last forever. The feeling that consumed me, that has consumed me is a weak point between emptiness and nostalgia. 

When sadness was the sea, you were the one who taught me to swim.

I loved you.

• Taeyeon

            A year later Taeyeon sat behind her writing desk, the dark circles under her eyes wouldn’t go away. She was just so tired, tired and waiting for something—anything to just happen and take her away for a new life. A new starting point where she didn’t have to remember anything of any sort. Where regrets were non-existent and love was to be found and kept. Not found and thrown away.

            “Taeyeon, you have a visitor down stairs shall I send them up?”

            “Is it my mom?” her assistant shrugged as Taeyeon sighed rubbing her eyes.

            “Can’t I just be left alone?” Taeyeon spoke quietly to her assistant who just kept quiet-- knowing, that question wasn’t hers or anybody’s to answer. “Let her up” she nodded walking away.

I’m scared of never meeting you. I’m scared of having met you, I’m scared of letting you go.

            “Taeyeon?” she couldn’t have looked up any faster than she did, it was like a      breath of fresh air, it was like feeling peace for the first time.

            “Tiffany?” she would’ve thought she was mistaken only if she hadn’t smiled, that beautiful smile doesn’t lie. It meant she was here, in the flesh, the person she had missed the most in the world since forever.

            “Hey.” Her brown curls fell over her shoulders as she stepped forward engulfing the now standing Taeyeon in a tight hug, but her smile never faded. In fact it had reached her eyes “I got your letter.”

            “Letter? What letter?” Taeyeon felt shaken up, and the feeling was like water on

It ached and it ached but somehow it felt better than ever before.

            “I wrote this for you.”

            “Y-You read that?”

            “I did over and over again. It had found its way to me in the funniest way. And as I read it, I had this itching nagging feeling it was somehow connected to me, because it spoke to me, I felt you, I know that sounds weird but I swear I could feel you and your hand in mine. I love you Taeyeon and never once did that waver”.

            “I love you too.”

            “I found my way back, and I’m never leaving again”

            “You found your way back to me…” Taeyeon smiled softly she was in a daze like she had been lost her whole life and then found “And you’re never leaving again.”

            “Never.”

            “You found your way back.” Taeyeon repeated as if it was too good to be true, she threw her arms around Tiffany just to reassure herself, and her warmth felt familiar, it felt like she had never gone at all, it felt like she was able to breathe again “To me.”

            Love, at every opportunity you are given to love. Be less afraid. Embrace each day because none are promised. Cry when you need to, it’ll make you feel better.       You were put on this planet to feel everything you could, do that.