Everything he didn’t feel the night before comes kicking the morning after like painful jabs at his head as if a giant is using it to poke. It pounds, not that much more than he’s had experienced before but enough to have him complain and grunt into his pillow, his mouth is dry and his face feels sticky. He really just wants to burry himself deep in loathing and shame and try to come up with a proper excuse as to why he thought any of this was ever a good idea, desperate for money or not. How did he ever think for money would ever be a good idea.

He groans into his pillow again as the recollection starts to sink in before he can even stop it.

The deep commanding words ring incessantly inside his head. On your knees. It was and he remembers the soft, barely there touches, as blonde guy had peeled his shirt off like it’s tickling at his skin right now. He remembers a kiss on his shoulder. And doesn’t understand why he’s remembering all that wasn’t crucial to the focus point. It comes to only a moment after reliving the scene when it downs on him that the choked mewls he remembers hearing weren’t from the guy but from himself.

“Urgh.” He grunts once more and louder but muffled by the pillow. He wants to suffocate. Everything tastes bitter and it isn’t just the inside of his mouth. He doesn’t remember how long he stayed there, how long he was in the room with the guy spent on his knees - they do feel a bit rough - or even how he managed to come back home and doing it without waking his mother. He didn’t drink that much but somehow his brain decided to delete the futile details he’d prefer knowing and let the more traumatic events vivid. He didn’t drink that much and still, the liquid gave him an invisible courage that goes a bit beyond imaginable for him, something he didn’t even know he had in himself.

The clock on his wall reads eight of the morning so he gets up quietly and goes to the bathroom to take a shower in a useless attempt to wash his pride clean.

---

Junmyeon comes pick him up again that night. Yixing tells his mother he’s going to work and closes the front door before she could speak back. It’s not the best way to deal with anything but he’s the worse someone can be when it comes to confrontations and that has to be dealt with later.

“I’m honestly sorry.” Junmyeon says from the back seat after a while of silence once they’re on their way…somewhere, Yixing doesn’t actually know, maybe another hotel. He is sitting beside the older and looking out the window as he likes to, watching the neon signs and street lamps vanish into pretty motion blurs. Jongdae was humming along the radio when Junmyeon spoke.

“What for?” Yixing asks keeping his eyes on the starless night sky shown in the distance above the tiny looking skyscrapers.

“For not telling you everything that is. I’m sorry. I should have said something. This is really not how things work-”

Yixing turns to look at him.

“Yeah…”

“It’s just that…” Junmyeon struggles to get the words out. It’s a stupid excuse. “…you blush that easily. I assumed…it’s—sorry. I shouldn’t have.” He straightens his back and looks ahead.

Yixing looks at his hands on his lap. He can’t blame Junmyeon for that although he kind of wants to. He wonders if he should be offended.

“I see…” He clicks his nails together. “Even if, I don’t know…” Junmyeon looks at him, again, curiously. “I don’t know if I would’ve said no…” He says honestly surprising himself in the confines of his conscience. Would’ve he said no if he knew?

Junmyeon keeps silent and pats his knee.

---

Yixing almost doesn’t notice when they arrive. His eyes kept staring at his hands and at Junmyeon’s hand on his leg that he held there for the entire ride. Yixing memorized it. Pale, mannish but delicate, short fingers and pretty trimmed nails. He even compared them to his own and went back and forth inside his head so he wouldn’t think about anything else. He doesn’t want to think about anything else and somehow it’s becoming a bit harder to space away this time.

He only becomes aware when Junmyeon’s hand vanishes and he hears Jongdae’s door shutting. The guy reclines against the car and crosses his arms giving a glance to Junmyeon when he’s also out of the car. Even if ushered Yixing hears them talk from the inside seeing that Jongdae’s window is open.

“Wow. This is something else.”

“Please Jongdae.”

“The kid's not even gay.”

“Can you not--?”

“Will you ever stop with these charity cases?”

“Jongdae…” Yixing hears Junmyeon sigh heavily like he doesn’t want Jongdae to keep speaking.

“Seriously. You’re above calamity compared to those animal rescuers who go around searching for strays to salvage. And this case is just terrible. Honestly Junmyeon…you can’t keep this up.”

“I’m not sure you’re qualified to tell me how to run things…”

“You’re not my boss so I’m pretty free to speak.”

“I’ll talk to you another time. I can't--just---another time alright?”

Yixing doesn’t move from his spot inside the car and after a bit Junmyeon comes open his door and beckons for him to follow. So, silently, he does.

Jongdae goes back inside the car and drives off.

The building Yixing is looking at is white and tall and the front door is purely black. As he goes in he sees the entry way and it’s dull and just as white as the rest of the building and besides the mail boxes there’s really nothing there. It’s only when they reach the last floor, through an old fashioned elevator, and the apartment that Yixing guesses it’s the place that he sees a small fortune worth in decoration in form of an office, more or so, something like that but not quite. He’s not really sure what he should call it, it looks like a simple apartment but also like a company’s entrance at most. There’s a receptionist anyway, in the hallway, a girl that shows a contradicting face of contentment. She smiles but her eyes are bored. Yixing bows to her a couple times while Junmyeon only follows his way towards a door and chances a quick good evening. The girl shrugs and goes back to her magazine without sparing Yixing a greeting. He doesn’t seek for it either.

Despite Junmyeon’s condition Yixing manages to fall behind as he takes in the view of the room they just got in. It’s a really well decorated, simple and modern, lounge room, spacious enough to have a bar, only no bartender. There’re couches and a wall length window on the left showcasing the busy streets of far Seoul.

Junmyeon is eyeing him simply, with a box in his hands when Yixing resumes his way near him.

“I’m sure you need a new one.” He says and hands the box to him.

Yixing recognizes the Samsung logo as well as the model of smartphone and remembering how he couldn’t afford it along with innumerous other things.

“I-”

“Before you start all goody two-shoes on me let’s just say it’s a benefit. I’m going to pay you anyway so don’t bother.”

“Okay.” Yixing mumbles and reaches to grab the box from the older’s hands.

“I’ve set my number inside as well as Jongdae’s if you ever need him. He’s pretty feisty but with the right amount of zeros on his check he’ll go to china to get you.” Junmyeon says with an easy smile.

Yixing sort of hates how easily the subject of money falls from his lips though, like it isn’t much, like he could make it rain on a bunch os hobos without even much of a flinch and it probably means that little to him but for Yixing it does matter and the subject still bothers him.

“Right.”

Junmyeon looked ready to say something else when someone interrupted rather loudly.

“Well good night my good people.” It’s Luhan and he seems awfully well humored. Yixing can’t shake off the idea that he’s a really weird guy.

Jongin is following him closely behind apparently unfazed with his hands inside his jeans. He flicks a small smile to Yixing when they lock gazes and Yixing presses his lips together in an attempt of a smile that didn’t quite make its goal.

They look ten years younger now that they’re out of their suits. Especially Luhan that has his hair styled down with bangs falling into his eyes and enormous glasses that obviously aren’t purposed for his sight.

He comes to hug Yixing for some reason.

“And how exactly do you manage to look this good without makeup?” He asks looking utterly fascinated by that fact after he pulls away. And it files right up into the peculiar category, Yixing’s just waiting for the next move that will officially promote him to weird. He notices then that Luhan is in fact wearing makeup and he was about to retort that he was sure the older probably looks equally handsome without makeup just to appease Luhan’s probably troubled little thoughts but Junmyeon beats him to it.

“Luhan…if you mind.” He sends the other a pointed look and Luhan pouts childishly. He lets go of Yixing to grab Jongin by the hand and sit along with him on the couch. “Where was I?” Junmyeon speaks when they’re finally just the two of them near.

“You were saying Jongdae is bribable.” Yixing answers honestly but Junmyeon cackles.

“Right. Look…I need to turn this a bit more professional. I’m working on the wrong lane here. Uh, I’m not going to make you sign a contract though…let’s just say you’re freelancing alright? But, hum, you might want to open an account in your name if you don’t have one that is.”

Yixing thinks for a second before answering.

“No I don’t.”

“My point being that if everything goes well you will earn more than a regular job would offer do you understand me? I can’t give you liquid of course and I’m sure you wouldn’t want your mother to receive any weird letters from the bank. If you haven’t told her that is…”

“I haven’t…”

“I figured.” Junmyeon moves and goes sit on a stool by the bar and sighs heavily. He caresses his thigh up to the hip down to the knee and up again in a slow repeated manner. Yixing follows him. “I’ll take care of your account then.”

“Okay.” When he looks around the room he sees Jongin and Luhan grinning and playing rock paper scissors like kids in their own little world. Seems hard to believe they’re escorts. Not that the job implies having to be shrewd to that point but he still thinks they are two little exceptions. He turns back to Junmyeon and sweat can be seen gleaming on his temples. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’ll be fine…I’m just…tired.” He extends a hand over the counter to reach for a bottle and frowns when the first thing he catches is gin but uncaps it and drinks it anyway, directly from the bottle since the glasses are too far from him.

Yixing wants to mother him and tell him he’s behaving thoughtlessly. “You…hum, maybe you should lie down?” He manages not to sound too intruding.

“I’m good Yixing…don’t worry about me.”

Yixing wished he could not care but he still does. Junmyeon is breathing with some difficulty and he looks paler than usual and it worries Yixing a bit.

“But--” The words die before coming out. “You seem pained. Don’t you have pills to relieve it?” He bites his lower lip.

Junmyeon looks at him with a grin after swallowing down another horribly strong gulp of gin. That is horrible when pure, at least to him.

“I appreciate your concern. I’ve taken them already so there’s not much I can do right now…”

“And you’re drinking alcohol?”

Junmyeon sighs and it’s then that Yixing knows he’s stepping the line. The other looks annoyed.

“If I die I’ll leave you all my belongings alright? I’m on my way to write my will…” Junmyeon snaps out and gets up. He walks away with an obvious limp and Yixing wants to rush and help him, give him a nudge and force him to use his crutches but he knows he can’t. There’s still that wall that separates them being acquaintances, boss and employee, from being friends.

Yixing sighs and when he turns Jongin is getting up to follow Junmyeon which lets him more reassured.

i'll post the next chapter really soon. more y time :P lol