His blood is boiling inside his veins and he’s not sure what terrifies him the most, if it’s the fear of someone, anyone, his mother mostly, finding out…this or if it’s the actual prospects of what exactly he’ll be doing to earn the money he so much needs.

Junmyeon sends him quiet glances but Yixing misses it by being busy looking outside his window and controlling the flow of air inside his lungs. The car is that much comfortable as he’d guessed and Jongdae, Junmyeon’s so called chauffeur, has a fine taste in music which Yixing appreciates, having the radio and playing softly. It does helps, in its simplicity, but it doesn’t do it.

It was almost impossible to come up with a voice when having to call Junmyeon earlier. Two days it had been since he put his mind into accepting his offer and every time Yixing thought to be ready to pick up the phone and call he’d freeze and regret it.

Took a while but eventually he did it.

“I’ll pick you up tonight.” Junmyeon had said over the phone. And not much later Yixing had been surprised by a text message telling him where to meet. By the pharmacy at 9. It read and he swallowed hard while clenching his phone tight.

The tricky part, then, would be figuring how to leave the house without his mother noticing which he knew was near impossible. He was left with having to come up with an excuse and it almost made him yank each of his hairs out as he couldn’t come up with anything plausible.

He took a shower and dressed the first denims he had found along with a black shirt that conventionally reveals his collarbones – something he never took an appreciative thought to care for - and before he even dared to cross the door or even breathe again the palms of his hands were starting to sweat. His mother was in the kitchen, he knew, oblivious to anything wrong happening around her, probably making tea. He exhaled but it didn’t make it any easier, his heart wasn’t giving him any rest so he went for it before he would come up with another self-excuse not to.

His mother was reading something attentively from a supermarket brochure, while the water would heat up on the stove, when he came in with faltering awkward steps. Makes it seem like he forgot how to walk properly. It made him think about a day, in the easier earlier years of his life, a day he had broken a vase and had to tell her. He was just as nervous, as anxious but while his seven year old self was afraid of a scolding, his twenty three year old self is only terrified of one particular look. Disgust.

She heard him walk in and spoke without looking up. “Did you know that if we bought five packs of pasta we receive two free cans of tomato sauce? We should--” She looked up and her knowledge was instant as she knew Yixing usually walks around the house in sweats. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yea- sort of. Yes.”

“What is it Yixing?” She sounded suspicious.

“I found…work…” He told hesitantly and her eyes had lighted up at his words and Yixing hated how awful it felt. Not the entirety of it is a lie but he still had to keep the type of job he found hidden from her.

“You did?”

“Well…it’s not consistent-- so I’m not sure of my work hours but hopefully I’ll…I’ll be here to take care of you whenever you need. I have my phone on-”

“It’s okay Xing.” Her lips curl up. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

Yixing literally deflated.

He knew his mother was just acting tough though. The horrors that haunt her at night with screams that jolt him awake and the quiet cries in the deep night she thinks he doesn’t hear are just a few of the evidences of just how much she’s suffering. It bothers him to see her struggling and being so damn stubborn about it, always trying to prove she’s alright no matter how many times he would offer his help.

His father would tell him, if aware of his thoughts. You’re just like her. And as for her, she would disagree.

He was relieved nonetheless. She hadn’t pressed any pertinent questions about it and had let him go without the necessity of explaining himself so he hadn’t stayed to wonder if she would.

They arrive at a hotel, one Yixing heard great deals of, the reputed type, expensive and everything. The sort of place Yixing had never stepped into. That aspect makes him jittery. He can see a small range of people entering the front door; fancy dressed, pristine looking even, stoical and hard faced and they all look dauntingly rich. He looks at his pants and sighs. A hand comes to rest on his thigh and he looks up at Junmyeon who still wears that smile that makes the world seem a little less grey. It’s—calming.

Yixing hangs his head low once they’re out and facing other people and Junmyeon supports himself on his arm, linking them, and tells him sternly.

“Head straight.” As if he’s saying if you don’t they’ll eat you alive and for some reason Yixing thinks it could be true.

Junmyeon’s pose is as rigid as every other person’s and Yixing feels uncomfortable. His jeans itch and his shirt feels like it’s clawing at his skin and everything feels a bit suffocating suddenly, he feels underdressed – and he is underdressed – and he wished he could just…run.

He’s heavy on his steps and the glances he earns himself are of indifference although Yixing can feel the judgment, imagination or not, looking back at him but Junmyeon doesn’t flinch nor stops and carries on walking until they reach an elevator on the inside so Yixing makes sure to accompany his steps, following his advice and keeping his eyes straight ahead.

On their way up Yixing hears Junmyeon sigh next to him as if all of this is a whole big boredom to him. And it is. To Junmyeon this is the sort of events he pretends to be busy for but this time he wanted to be there so he could bring Yixing along. Introduce him.

When they reach a room, resembling a small apartment, Yixing gets overwhelmed by the beauty that money can buy. It’s involuntarily alluring and he can’t help himself by feeling attracted to it. There’s food too and his mouth waters that instant.

“Hungry?” Junmyeon asks squeezing his arm softly when noticing he’s distracted. Yixing doesn’t lie and nods. “Suit yourself.” Junmyeon says and points the cane he holds on his left hand towards a small table with a copious amount of food.

Yixing doesn’t falter this time and fills every inch of his stomach, biting fast and big into the small salty pastries fitting them inside his mouth in one go.

Junmyeon sits distantly on a couch and smiles satisfied while scanning Yixing from head to toe. He can’t deny that Yixing is indeed handsome and if he can say so himself, damn y. Even if it weren’t for the circumstances Junmyeon wouldn’t hesitate in inviting Yixing to his agency. Only he didn’t want to. He still doesn’t.

“We should get you something nicer to wear. I can’t let one of mine walk around like that.” He comments.

Yixing barely registers his voice as he eats so he merely hums.

Junmyeon fishes out his phone and dials a number. He calls a couple of people to help out and bring something suitable for Yixing to wear. Yixing only hears him mumble some words about suits and makeup and he almost wanted to protest but he lost his train of thought while eyeing the sweets. He’s that hungry. And truth is, who knows if he’ll get to eat this much anytime soon.

It takes more or less half an hour for Yixing to get fully dressed and caked up by a small team of two, way too handsy, guys. At the end of it he feels even more bothered and embarrassed than he did when he went in through the entrance. He isn’t sure if he likes eyeliner or foundation although the mirror is showing him a reflection he’s drawn to. He does like how he looks…maybe a bit too much.

“Beautiful.” Is the comment he gets from Junmyeon who’s calmly seated on the couch with his legs crossed and watching everything unfold. “Although some time soon we might want to cut that hair.” He says and Yixing hates how he uses the pronoun like he knows Yixing agrees to it.

“Why my hair?” He asks.

“It’s too long cheri.” Junmyeon answers with that light “I do what I want” spoiled grin on his face and this time Yixing sort of wished he could swipe it away. “Loose the two top buttons please.” The older commands and one of the two guys starts to reach for Yixing but the latter bats his hand before he had a chance to touch him.

“I can do that by myself thank you.” Yixing hisses. He had had his fair share of fumbling hands for the time being.

“Oh come on…Yixing, don’t be rude. I hope you realize you’ll have to get used to being touched.” Junmyeon softly prompts and it makes Yixing stomach swirl as he undoes the button of his dress shirt. It’s silk and it should feel nice but it only feels heavy on his skin. He knows Junmyeon’s right but it still makes him uneasy to think about and besides he doesn’t have to let anyone else but his clients touch him so none of those two is entitled to it. Not that it makes him feel any better.

“Yes.”

“Now let’s go. I have people to introduce you to.” Junmyeon gets up with a pained grunt and runs his hands over his suit to smooth it down and reaches for his cane again.

Yixing furrows his eyebrows. It figures Junmyeon would choose such an item to help him instead of proper crutches. It’s ugly too. Not ugly, maybe, but flashy. The handle is a white silvered lion’s head with its mouth wide open in a roar and the cane itself is red. Yes, definitely flashy. Combined with his white suit and his stance he looks like god in that movie, Bruce Almighty. Only Morgan Freeman didn’t have an ugly cane.

They fall to the first floor again and walk across the hallway to an equally large room as the one before. Junmyeon knocks a few times, obviously not having a key, and moments after someone opens the door. They step inside. Yixing feels his face burning up. He doesn’t know where he’s going and he sort of feels his doom approaching. Is this it?

“You seem nervous.” Junmyeon comments as if Yixing’s disturbance wasn’t obvious.

Yixing can even feel himself sweating. “I’m not.” He bluntly lies and Junmyeon sends him a smile.

“Don’t be. It gets easier with time.” He says and Yixing doesn’t like the sinking feeling those words leave at the pit of his stomach. With time.

It gets interrupted when they reach a common room where two equally young looking men are found inside. One, light haired, coiffed up, with cheeks of a baby and fair lines like a girl, is standing with his hands buried inside his black slacks’ pockets while pacing around and the other, plump lips and sharp jaw poised as if out of a magazine ad, is seated with a dazed look absentmindedly staring at the ground.

They’re both horribly good looking.

They both jerk their heads at the same time at the sound of Yixing and Junmyeon’s steps and by their expressions they seem to have been expecting them. They’re dressed similarly to Yixing. White silk dress shirts with black slacks and a pair of vinyl shoes. The dark haired one paired with a black tie and the other with a white bowtie. Yixing wants to frown because they were both entitled to blazers while he has to walk around on a thin loosened shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and nothing else. It makes him feel .

“This would be Luhan,” Junmyeon speaks directing a hand at the light haired boy. “and this is Jongin.” He slides the hand in the direction of the seated boy that doesn’t make a move to stand up only eyeing the two with a soft expression.

“Don’t you think you took your title a bit too seriously Junmyeon?” He speaks in slow words with an unexpected deep voice, that sends shiver down Yixing’s spine, and a grin accompanied of a short chuckle.

“Spare me. I can use it to hit you.” Junmyeon responds.

“I’ll report you for abusive behavior.” Jongin reclines back on the couch displaying his smug-ish best smile.

Yixing spares a look at Luhan who has been staring at him with thirst and interest. It’s making him nervous. Luhan’s features, although pretty for a guy, are awfully daunting and his eyes are sort of already naturally wide and glossy and it just adds up to his doll-like figure which doesn’t help.

Junmyeon snickers.

“Sure thing, I’ll pay to see that day.” He says all too idly. “These two,” He turns to Yixing. “are my, so to say, stars.”

“Oh Suho, that’s actually sweet of you.” Luhan speaks in mock seriousness with a slight accent Yixing recognizes as being the same as he’s own only lighter, much lighter.

“Right, by the way, the kids call me Suho.” Junmyeon says like he runs a kindergarten instead of an agency.

“Your nickname is guardian?” Yixing asks skeptical. If his Korean classes didn’t do him wrong than that’s what it means. It’s quite funny to think about it actually.

“Well, yes, it suits impeccably if you ask me. I’m an angel really.” The older continues conceitedly and Jongin snorts behind his hand. “Which reminds me that maybe it’ll be better for you to have an alias. It’ll help your anonymity.”

Yixing ponders quietly. Maybe it’s indeed better for him to have a fake name. It’ll be a way of protecting himself from being associated with any of this. Junmyeon is looking around the room before turning again to look at Yixing and before the latter could agree or not, he speaks.

“Lay.”

“Lay? Why Lay?”

“Easy to pronounce.”

“Is it though?” Jongin asks and his eyes and tone show that he’s hinting something. “You’re so simple minded.”

“No one asked you.” Junmyeon responds.

“I don’t--” Yixing tries to understand the situation but fails and Junmyeon doesn’t even try to clarify it.

“Never mind him.”

Jongin chuckles.

“Let me greet you properly…hello Yixing.” The boy says getting up from the couch and directing a hand to Yixing who takes it and shakes firmly. He seemed to want to say something else but Luhan beats him to it.

“Hey!” He says excitedly and steps between the two of them to have Yixing’s full attention on him. He inclines close as if inspecting Yixing to the inch. “You’re really pretty.” He giggles cutely having his eyes crinkling at the edges and he presses a fast kiss on Yixing’s cheek but aiming to the corner on his lips instead.

Yixing flinches and steps back. He rubs at the tingling spot Luhan kissed and looks dumbly at him.

“And cute.” Luhan’s eyes close further as he smiles fully.

“Huh…th-thanks.” Yixing accepts politely and a bit shyly taking a step closer to Junmyeon.

He never actually thought of ever feeling this shy around men like this before and it’s rather involuntary, the fast beating inside his chest, as they make him feel like a the pretty girl in their class and it’s weird and Yixing doesn’t know where to stick his hands so he won’t look this anxious.

“Luhan if you could…” Junmyeon speaks in more calmed tones. “…run by him.”

“Sure thing.” The light haired boy answers and Yixing swears his eyes changed that instant. His whole face shifting expressions and it’s like the cute yet inappropriately intrusive little boy from just now had vanished.

Yixing is scared.

“Wha- what do you mean run by me?” He asks and eyes between Luhan and Junmyeon but it’s Jongin who answers him.

“Suho wants Luhan to give you some pointers.” He explains but not clarifying anything, hands buried inside his pockets, looking mildly bored.

Meanwhile Luhan starts to come closer and he grabs Yixing’s hand and intertwines their fingers. Yixing is just confused; he doesn’t understand what Luhan could give him pointers about. Yixing is twenty three years old he knows how to a girl properly if he can say so himself. He’s not and never was a player of any sort but he knows what to do and he doesn’t see how Luhan could help him with that anyway.

“Pointers? About what?” He asks then, searching for an explanation.

Before anyone answers him Luhan is already pulling him aside and closer and then he whispers, oh, so very close to his ear. “How to properly someone’s .” Crude words wrapped into a sweet melodic voice.

“What?!” Yixing jolts backwards and frees himself from Luhan. This could only be a joke.

Luhan blinks and Jongin looks at them with an arched brow as if he’s missing something. Junmyeon only blows some air and pretends he isn’t the one at fault there.

“Suho.” Luhan sends a reprimanding look at the older and Yixing turns to look at him as well. “Did you miss to inform baby bambi here of something important?”

“Maybe.” Junmyeon says sheepishly.

“Suho.” Luhan chides again, louder.

“Okay. I might have left out an important part of the deal.”

“Like what?” Yixing asks stupidly and the three of them look at him like he just said the dumbest thing in the planet. He did.

“Our clients are mostly men.” Luhan says pointedly.

“Sure…mostly…” Jongin mumbles with a cracked grin like this is all really funny.

Yixing feels his heart bursting inside his ribcage and the air is suffocating him. He wants to sit down but there’s nothing close to him to which he can lean on so he just balls his hands into fists.

“I thought it was implicit really.” Junmyeon speaks with a simple smile and Yixing wants to hit him. Hard…and if possible, right in the balls so he could feel his manhood flying away like Yixing is feeling his.

“How is that implicit!?”

“Sorry about that.” The older says but he looks everything but sorry.

“So you’ve never been with a guy…at all?” Luhan tentatively asks as if it were something that strange.

Yixing looks back at him incredulous and not missing the amused expression on Jongin’s face as he does. Another one Yixing adds to his punching list. He doesn’t find this funny at all.

“No!”

“I guess that makes things more interesting then.” Luhan shares a pleased look with Jongin. “For them I mean.”

Yixing’s eyes go wide with the impendent imagery that runs his brain provided by Luhan’s words. His blood runs cold. The thought of having men…touching him and kissing him and worshipping his skin as he so ally stands there ready to…ready to…no.

“Don’t worry you’ll like it.” Luhan says, voice dipped in honey, and he extends a hand to grab Yixing’s again but the latter retrieves it before he could.

The last thing he needs right now is to have Luhan his or with his pants down to his ankles while Yixing is on his knees taking instructions. The image sticks to his brain unfortunately.

“No.” He clears his throat. It’s hoarse. “I really don’t want you to teach me anything. Please.” The plea enlaces a stay away from me in between and he hopes Luhan catches it.

Jongin just laughs.

“I guess Jongin could do it…although…I’m much better than him.”

Jongin cackles, loud and short.

“No!” Yixing says a bit too loudly so he lowers his voice. “No…I don’t want any of you-” with your in my mouth, Yixing curses his mind. “to teach me anything.”

“You know you’ll start to work tonight right?” Luhan asks then. “And odds are you’ll be on all fours the second a guy gets his hands on you…”

Yixing feels his body shivering although he’s not actually trembling.

“I- I know…I’ll manage.” He croaks out in a weak voice.

“Suit yourself. Be careful though they can be vicious sometimes.” Luhan warns with a wicked smile. He knows what he’s doing to Yixing, it’s obvious, and right there Yixing decides he hates Luhan’s guts.

Jongin laughs and Yixing wonders if that’s the only thing the guy can actually do, it’s getting annoying. His eyes are even watery from how amusing he’s find this all to be.

“Don’t listen to him.” Jongin then says once he’s stopped giggling. “He’s just being mean because you rejected him.”

Luhan punches his arm and goes sit on the couch carelessly deciding that he has no more business standing up. He looks like a child.

“He rejected you too for your information!” Luhan yelps from his seat.

“Yes but I don’t get hurt about it.” Jongin throws over his shoulder.

Luhan tsks.

“It’ll be fine.” The dark haired boy turns to Yixing. “No one will hurt you.”

Yixing wished that would comfort him but it really doesn’t. He’s not scared of being hurt, he can defend himself just fine, but the whole situation in itself is really messed up. He has never slept with a man before not even kissed one for that matter and high school fantasies about the basketball team captain don’t really count.

He sighs heavily when he notices that Junmyeon isn’t next to him and hasn’t been for the last conversation.

He’s talking on the phone at a far end of the room. Yixing eyes him carefully. He should’ve guessed it. Bastard.

“I have to run.” Junmyeon speaks from where he stands and sends another sheepish smile to Yixing. “I’ll leave you here for now.” He tells him. “I’ll be back soon.” And he leaves through the door.

“As if he could run.” Jongin jokes once he’s out and joins Luhan on the couch sitting aimlessly and throwing an arm over the back of the couch and behind Luhan’s head. “Don’t think too much.” He says to Yixing.

The lost boy just stands there awkwardly while the two on the couch eye him. He doesn’t know where to stick his head, where to go or even how to move. He feels heavy. He looks down at his feet and they seem to be so far away, so far out of reach.

He hears music in the distance.

“Luhan’s thoughtless.” Jongin continues, interrupting Yixing’s faint distraction.

“Excuse you.” The boy next to him chides.

Yixing gives them a strained look before trying to stare at anything but them.

“He’s denatured by principle.”

“And Jongin thinks he’s real fancy .”

“I earn more than you.”

“And that makes you king?”

“I have longevity.”

“Oh pardon me your majesty would like some tea?”

Yixing ignores it and turns to follow the sound. He gets lost in his thoughts until he gets actually lost. Having searched through halls and opened a few doors he doesn’t find the music so he gives up but when he turns around he doesn’t remember where he came from so he walks further forward and ends up somewhere that looks exactly like where he had just been. Every hall looks the same.

Old, rigid business men pass by him and he catches a couple of them scanning his body briefly. It makes him feel tiny. His pride and virility are the size of a pea. And to think it couldn’t get any tinier.

Although, he still tries to keep his head functional. He tries to think about his mother and his financial needs. I’m in it for the money. Think about the money, he chants inside his head to keep him from bailing with his tail between his legs the first chance he gets.

yes it's pretty big. like i said i don't feel like cutting scenes so every chapter is going to be really different. ^^