One: Tear Drop
What a Bitter-Sweet World
Background song:
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“There's nowhere for me to rest (I was off in some empty daydream)
A song of a young girl who's lost her way (She waved hell silent like a mime)
In this familiar fear
And the silence that's settled into me
Even loneliness becomes dulled
Don't hate me (Saying I'm someone I'm not)
Don't hate me (Why do you believe that I'm someone I'm not)
From some time ago you've been strangling me (No alarms and no surprises, please)
Don't hate me (Saying I'm someone I'm not)
Don't hate me (Why do you believe that I'm someone I’m not)
Don't hate me (Don't hate me)
Don't love me”
잘 알지도 못하면서 (Like You Know It All)- Lim Kim
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Mieun’s POV.
It’s the same.
Every day…
...screams,
anger,
tears,
and hate.
I grab my bag and quietly jump out of my bedroom window on the second floor of our house.
I land on the branch of the giant maple tree outside my window and swiftly let myself onto the grass. Staring at my house I sigh and turn around, making my way down the street.
I just kept walking, paying no attention to anyone or anything around me. Within 15 minutes I reach my usual destination, the Han River.
Quickly, I glance around to check if anyone was present. No one. Of course, it was 2am in the morning.
With a heavy heart I lay on the river bank, closing my eyes, as I feel the chilly breeze of the early morning on my skin. It refreshes me…relaxes me from all my stress.
Turning to my side I think about what had happened earlier at home. It’s not like this was the first time…but every time something like it happens, I would escape to the river.
To me it felt like a metaphor. If I sat by the river and watched the waves, maybe they’d wash away my pain.
Hah, it’s too silly of a wish.
I bite my lower lip, desperately trying to hold back my sobs but my attempt fails.
I grip onto my shirt, as the tears stream down my cheeks.
I can’t take it.
I can’t do this anymore…
With tears, I stood up and walk closer to the edge of the river.
The water’s been pretty high for the past couple days, and better yet, I can’t swim.
It’s the perfect opportunity.
Looking up at the stars for the last time, I smile.
Soon, everything will be gone.
I won’t have to worry about anything.
Mustering up my last ounce of courage I submerge myself into the river.
Immediately the cold water freezes me to the bone, but I didn’t fight it.
Dear God,
If I’m given another chance in life…
Can I be selfish and ask for you to let me be happy?
A minute, or even a second. I want to be happy…
I’m sorry God for being selfish, but this pain kills me every day.
Please God…
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“HEY! HEY! STAY WITH ME!” a voice called out.
I felt pressure on my chest, then it was gone, and then it came back. It was pitch black but all I could hear was that voice and the pounding on my chest.
What’s going on?
“Hey, stay with me…don’t die. Please,” the voice pleads.
A man? Am I dead?
Why does he sound scared?
Then my world blacks out on me, again.
Jongdae’s POV
“So your schedule ends here for today. Go get some rest for tomorrow!” our manager said as he dropped us, EXO, off at the dorm.
“Yes!” the members echoed as they rushed into our dorm, to change so they could finally get some rest after our hectic schedule for the day.
All I could think about at the moment though was the Han river…
I check my watch, 1:50am.
“Are you thinking about her?” Luhan asks as he notices my dazed look.
I thought about the question for a second and then I reply, “Yeah.”
“Why are you so captivated by her? She must be a beauty,” Luhan teases as he lightly punches me on the shoulder and then walks off to his room.
“No, it’s not her beauty…” I murmur as I change into casual clothes.
Even though she was doubtingly mesmerizing under the moon light, it wasn’t her beauty that captivated me…
…it was the expression she held on that beautiful face.
She wore a mask of pain, hurt, and longing.
The look of someone who was tired of life.
“Why do you make that expression?” I mumble the question to myself as I grab my coat and car keys.
I made my way to the door but then I bump into Kris. He gives me a long stare and glances to the keys in my hand.
“Jongdae…if you’re going to the river you better leave now before Joonmyun finds out,” Kris warns
I nod and mutter thanks before I made haste out the door.
As I drive to the river images of her face pop up in my head.
It’s been a week since I last saw her at the river, my schedule being packed and all after our three consecutive music show wins, I really hope that she’s still there.
It was just a coincidence the first time I saw her there. It had been a stressing time; EXO was finally coming back after our 1 year and 4 months absence. I had a lot on my mind at that time so I decided to take a walk along the Han River at around 2am. That was when I saw her.
A girl with long straight brown hair, peacefully laid down on the river bank, staring at the moon with that expression of hers.
What was she thinking about?
Why does she seem so sad?
Please tell me.
Why do I feel like I should be the one to make her smile?
I rake a hand through my hair in frustration.
It’s weird. We’ve never talked, and I’ve only seen her a couple times. However, she’s been on my mind ever since.
Maybe we’re connected in some way...
I park my car and lock it as I jog to the area I usually see her at. The chilly wind ruffles my hair and I pull the hood of my coat down more to keep warm.
Where is she?
I scan the riverside and my eyes caught a familiar figure walking dangerously close to the water. In a split second she disappears and I knew right then that she had fallen in.
My heart stops but my body responds quickly. I rush at full speed, diving into the water, not caring how cold it was.
It was hard to find her since it was dark, but the moon light seems to have made a path, leading me to her.
I gasp for air as I pull up above water.
I lay her gently down upon the grass, checking immediately for a breath.
Nothing.
Panicking I start chest compressions and mouth to mouth, absolutely thankful that I took that health class in high school.
“HEY! HEY! STAY WITH ME!” I call out.
No response.
“Hey, stay with me…don’t die. Please,” I plead, my heart tearing apart as she doesn’t respond.
Not giving up I continue CPR.
She gasps for air, and coughs up water.
“Hey! Just keep coughing it out,” I turn her onto her side so she wouldn’t choke on the water.
A fit of coughs and lots of water later, her eyes slowly open.
“W-who are you…” she inquires in a voice that was only a tiny bit above a whisper.
“Kim Jongdae, but that doesn’t matter. What matters now is if you’re okay!” I hastily change the subject after introducing myself.
I don’t know why I did it, giving her my real name.
What if she recognizes me when she's fully conscious? I would be in so much trouble with the manager. In my head I could see the news now, ‘A member of EXO sneaking off in the middle of the night to be found with a girl at Han River’.
Oh what deep I would be in.
But for some reason my heart tells me not to worry.
Mieun’s POV
I stare at the person in front of me. He seems to be around my age?
Sharp jaw line, brown hair styled in a soft tousled look, and his eyes.
They seem to be digging through my heart.
“W-who are you…” it took a lot of my strength to mutter those words.
“Kim Jongdae, but that doesn’t matter. What matters now is if you’re okay!” he answers.
I focus a bit more.
He looks awfully familiar…
Ah…It's him. The person I saw a couple days ago , here, staring at the stars.
At that time he looked really stressed and I wondered if this person has a hard life like me.
A little anger built up inside of me, “…why did you save me?!”
His eyes widen in surprise but changes into a soft expression.
“Isn’t it normal to save someone when they’re dying?” Jongdae responds.
His gaze locks with mine and it felt awfully uncomfortable. I look away and sit up, shivering from the wind.
The fact that I’m drenched from head to toe doesn’t help either.
I stood up.
“Hey…you sure you’re okay? he asks.
Turning my head to his direction I sent him a glare.
“Jongdae-sshi, you should’ve minded your own business. I didn’t ask to be saved,” I coldly spat as tears brim my eyes. I turn my back and make my way home without a second hesitation.
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I stop in front of the place I’m supposed to call ‘home’, but that word felt foreign on my tongue.
I felt around my clothes and notice that I probably lost my bag back at the river.
There goes my cellphone and house keys.
There was nothing I could do. Climbing onto the Oak tree next to my house I hoist myself upon the branch right outside my room window.
Landing softly on the floor of my room I catch sight of a pair of slippers.
With a sigh I look up, preparing myself for the usual.
A stinging pain zaps through my body as the red imprint of a hand lingers on my burning cheek.
“Where the were you?!” my uncle asks me with a glare.
the inside of my mouth I could taste the blood.
, must’ve bitten my tongue.
“Out,” I reply nonchalantly. I hear footsteps and switched my glance to the ground.
The SheDevil was here.
I hear a scoff, “So the little trouble maker is finally back huh? You snuck out to meet a boy didn’t you? Of course you did! He called me earlier with your phone. What a little …meeting guys this time in the night,” My aunt steps towards me and notices the red mark on my face.
She smirks and pinches my cheek, digging her nails into my skin, her voice sounding as venomous as usual.
“You know how worried we were right?” she asked sarcastically.
Wincing a bit, I did all I could to hold back a scream.
“I’m sorry.”
Was all I could say no matter how much I want to fight back, I couldn’t.
Not yet.
Almost…
…I'll be free soon…but not yet.
For now I have to hold back.
They both stare at my drenched figure, and I feel a harsh stab at my forehead.
“I see someone must’ve gotten revenge on you after finding out that you were seducing their boyfriend. Anyways I’m tired, I’ll deal with you tomorrow,” my aunt yawns and walks out.
“You better hurry up and dry the floor before the it gets ruined,” my uncle warns and they slam the door behind them.
Clenching my fist I walk to the door and turn the lock.
My legs give out on me and I slump onto the floor.
Pulling into fetal position I bury my face into my hands, crying again.
For the third time tonight.
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