Although his anger was all but non-existent, Luhan couldn't help feeling a rush of embarrassment as well. Sehun could now see what he had tried to hide the most, why he was still alive.

Because he was never alive to live. Luhan knew it, even if there were times when he had tried to give the opposing thought a chance. Maybe, there was a true reason for him to live for.

Maybe.

But now, as he stared ahead, his eyes filled with fury, he doubted it. Every single detail about his life were there in that notebook. His diary, to be precise. And Sehun was there, almost leisurely flipping through the pages as if he was reading some weird, almost twisted novel... Or at least, to the blonde, it seemed so.

And the funniest part was, that he couldn't help thinking how his story could rival some character's. For some reason, as realisation struck him, a rush of humiliation suddenly seeped into Luhan's anger. His cheeks were now a deep crimson color, but not from the rage boiling in his blood. No...

From something else.

But... As he slowly stepped to Sehun who sat there still, his eyes holding a sparkle of regret, he had to chuckle to himself softly. He wasn't quite sure about why he was so angry, so embarrassed. So what if the younger knew why he was staying there?

His existence was merely there to save people. He should have been proud of it. Proud of how he was nothing but a tool, but a tool for good. Not for evil, like many others.

"Look, I came here to see you and I found it and..."Sehun said quickly, panic flashing in his eyes. Although pity was present in them, too.

Having finally discovered why Luhan was there in the hospital shocked him. For some reason, he was already quite attached to the frail looking boy, and he couldn't even imagine him going through all those things. Having his blood donated, his kidney... Why would anyone do such things to him?

"Get out."Luhan said slowly, his voice dangerously low. Sehun made no move to do so, his eyes boring into the other's. "Get out now, Sehun."

And he did. Dropping the notebook, the boy made a dash towards the door, feeling nothing but regret. He knew that talking to Luhan wouldn't have made anything better now. He had just looked into something he should have never had.

To some extent, he wished he hadn't. Having found out all this made his heart race with worry.

Deep down, he couldn't help wanting to go back to Luhan. He wished to hold him, to tell him that maybe, he had some... problems, maybe his life was far from normal, but it would be alright. But he just couldn't. Luhan had seemed so angry yet lost...

It just felt like Sehun couldn't be the one to comfort the blonde. Not now, at least.

Meanwhile, Luhan sat on his bed, hugging his journal to his chest. He felt like his whole being had been uncovered in front of Sehun, as if he had no secrets anymore. It hurt him more than it should have, he knew it.

Maybe, if he was normal, it would have been alright if the younger had seen his journal. It would have been filled with embarrassing little things, like the name of his crushes or his fears. But Luhan was everything but normal, and for some reason, now he hated that.

He sat in silence for some time, eyes fixed on his door. He wished that Sehun came back, maybe to apologize. He wished to speak to the other so he would see that they were still friends even though he was nothing but a tool for money...

And not much later, the door open. It didn't reveal the boy Luhan was waiting for though... Dr Nam stepped in, his eyes holding a hint of uneasiness.

"Luhan, the plans have changed."He said, his tone quite cold as he looked at the boy."There was an emergency, and you will have to have the surgery for your liver."

For some reason, the man seemed rigid. No scowl, no smile played on his lips, his eyes now only reflecting the boy's worried face. Something was probably quite wrong, but Luhan dared not to ask what.

"But doctor, you said it won't be so soon..."Luhan said softly, biting into his lower lip. Sure, he had had a surgery before, but for some reason, he was scared of this one. Maybe he had more or less recovered from the previous one, but still. It wasn't according to plan, which meant that something was up.

And if something was up, it was never good.

"The nurses will be here for you in an hour."That was the only reply the boy got as the man slowly left the room."And I'd rather you not interacted with other patients for a while..."He added, shutting the door behind himself.

Luhan just sat there, his eyes wide as he slowly opened his journal. He crossed out the entry above the last one with a soft sigh, writing something else there.

I am donating a third of my liver now. The doctor seemed quite upset for some reason... I wonder why.

Luhan let out a soft sigh. Although he was still quite angry at Sehun, he couldn't help feeling a rush of sadness, knowing that he wouldn't be allowed to talk to the other boy.

But at least, he was still alive. Well, for now.

If something was truly up, and his gut was telling him that it wasn't an emergency, but something else, maybe Luhan wasn't going to last as long as he had thought before.

But he was just a tool, right?

By : Katakatica