“Somehow you two act like you’re married. Are you divorced now?”

I swear her words were dripping with mischief and I hated that fact that she seemed to be so observant of everything that has happened between me and Yuri. Nonetheless, I will hold my silence to protect us both.

“What are you talking about Sica-unnie?” I said as I shifted on my seat. Having someone beside me right now irked me for I was still hoping for that same old feeling that I felt when I am with her.

“You know what Yoona, whatever childish play you initiated, just don’t hurt yourself and Yuri so much. It hurts us all. Don’t you see?” She frowned. In some way she gave me an insight of what the others feel right now, contrary to the few months that I’ve only thought about me and you.

“I don’t see why all of you should take great impact on this one.” I shrugged it off as I looked for my phone inside my bag.

“You’re so blind sometimes I want to carve your doe eyes out. Seeing two of our closest members drift away from each other is like a meteor striking our cores! That’s the reason we’re still on top Yoona, because we stand together. With you two giving up on each other, it affects our emotions as well, seeing two of our sisters act like strangers.”

She was fuming and it’s rare to see her like that so early in the day. I looked around the set and studied our members. I was silent and I refused to answer her queries that somehow annoyed her. She left me pondering of the things she injected into my mind.

Are we breaking apart?

*

I still shed some tears here and there but I feel a lot better now that we had this some kind of closure.

Of course it never left my mind to ask why she wanted this to happen, but I said I would ask her no more and I am a woman of my words.

The girls seemed to have noticed the more elaborate ‘fight’ between us. I felt so awkward with her that I can’t even bear to stay with her in the dorm when the others have their schedules. I sighed but immediately donned a smile when I felt a hand on my shoulder making me turn around.

“Yuri, what are you going to give Yoong?” Sooyoung said as she plopped down beside me on a couch inside the set.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about anything yet.” I honestly replied.

“What?!” She almost shouted that I wanted to cover with my hands. I just pinched her cheek instead.

“What’s with the reaction?” I giggled.

“You’re kidding right?” She looked so genuinely concerned it made me laugh.

“About what? You’re so funny Soo. You should see your face right now.” I tried so hard to keep my laugh in but I roared with laughter a few seconds later. Sooyoung will be a very effective comedian with her funny expressions.

“You still don’t have a gift for her? It must be so serious. You always and I mean always have her gift a minimum of a month’s time before.” She looked at me straight in the eyes.

“Well, I just couldn’t think of anything yet. Besides we’ve been so busy lately I don’t even have the time to shop.” I shrugged. She sighed and looked around before she leaned in and whispered to me.

“What are you two even fighting about? I can’t keep it in anymore. You two are so freakin’ obvious when you fight, even the fans notice. To think you are both actresses you’re so bad at keeping it in.” She shook her head.

Of course they know they are our sisters after all.

“It’s nothing important.” I shouldn’t have said that for I felt a presence behind me that very instant.

“Yeah, nothing important Soo. Want to grab some lunch?” Yoona said as she looked at me. Her eyes were void of any emotions but I wished I saw even a tinge of care.

“Whatever’s happening between you two, you better fix it.” Sooyoung’s voice sounded somewhat scary, like she was warning us. She left us looking at her figure.

And like opposite poles we walked away from each other, naturally.

*

“Did you go to your doctor?” Tae-unnie said as I removed my shoes.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. She just told me to eat right.” I smiled at her and marched towards our room.

“How will you recover when you barely eat?” I got really guilty with the tone of her voice. It showed me how much she’s been worrying about me.

“I’ll be okay unnie.” I said and proceeded to my room.

*

I thought everything will be okay after we finally decided on how to carry on with our relationship but the burden I’ve been carrying had multiplied itself, sometimes to the brink of making me crumble.

It still hurts me seeing her like that. Would she really think I’ll be okay seeing her body like that? How can she believe that I can stop worrying? Through years of feeling every pain of hers, how can I stop now? It has been a habit, an instinct to feel what she feels. It can’t be erased with a simple agreement, not when it has been a part of me all along.

I sighed as I saw her sleeping on her bed. It’s a good thing knowing how awkward things get when we’re both awake. Though I wonder why she’s already asleep at such early hour. Is she sick?

I softly made my way and crossed the imaginary line we drew around us. I mean, she’s asleep. She wouldn’t know I trespassed.

She had become paler. There are dark circles around her eyes if you look closely. I’ve never seen her stressed ever since our training days when looking stressed and sick has been a trend due to unending lessons and activities.

I heard she hasn’t been eating well. Who would have thought our little shikshin junior will reach this point?

I stopped my hands from touching her face. I used to do it all the time, kneeling beside her bed and tracing her face with my finger, as if memorizing every inch of her. She’s a light sleeper so I wonder if she was awake all those times but I don’t want to prove that now.

I went back to my side of the room and read the repair book. I swear I’m almost giving up with this. A soft knock was heard and I jumped hurriedly towards the door to stop anyone from disturbing her sleep.

“Yes?” I peeked and saw Taeyeon-unnie standing outside.

“How’s Yoona? Did she eat anything yet?” She asked as I opened the door wider for her to see my sleeping roommate. I motioned for her to lower the volume of her voice.

“She’s been sleeping ever since I arrived.”

“Yul? Can you do me a favour?” I looked at her expectantly.

“What?”

“Feed Yoona some dinner. You know how stubborn she can get; I just hope her twin can get her to eat somehow.” She said and I noticed that she’s dressed.

“Are you going out?” I asked.

“Well, the girls and I are going to eat outside.” She smiled.

“How about me?” I pouted, a little disappointed that they decided to leave me behind. They know how awkward Yoona and I are to each other. Why are they doing this to me?

“Don’t you think it’s time to patch things up between you two?” She gave me her puppy eyes.

As expected there is an ulterior motive to all of this.

“I don’t want!” I whined childishly and stomped my foot gently, afraid to wake Yoona.

“Yul, if you really don’t care about her anymore, you won’t care if she woke up from my knocking, or to our conversation or to your foot stomping. Be the unnie just this once and lower your pride.” She said and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Or I’ll lock you two inside your room for a week. Come to think about it, you two have a week free next week, so why don’t we do it—“ She started threatening me!

“Okay, okay!” I harshly whispered. I don’t want to resort to her drastic measures.

“Good girl.” She smiled and motioned me to crouch. I raised my eyebrow, what?

I did crouch and she patted my head. Oh my short unnie.

“Now we’ll get going.”

“Wait unne! What am I going to feed her?” I asked nervously. I’m not a good cook but better than those two americans.

“You cook something. Just don’t poison yourselves. Bye!” She went off and I pouted all the way to my bed.

I guess the both of us are going to starve tonight.

*

I felt my stomach grumble and I knew I have to eat something though I don’t feel like eating. I sighed and stretched. It’s already 9PM. I slept too long. I looked at the other side and saw Yuri sitting on her bed, asleep with a book on her lap.

I shook my head and went to her side. I removed the book and placed it on her bedside. I was about to cover her with the blanket but I stopped myself. I’m supposed to stop caring for her. I’m not doing a good job with this.

I sighed and walked away, feelings of guilt surrounding me.

I closed the door gently and went to the kitchen. I wonder where everyone is. I’m hungry.

I checked the cupboards and the fridge and there was nothing. I remembered that we have not bought groceries yet. I was about to walk away when I saw a large bowl on the centre of the table.

Yoona, eat this. - Tae

That was what the note said. I opened it and saw porridge with bits of chicken and egg. I heated the food and started eating it. I smiled as I remembered the taste. I missed this food, a lot. I started to eat faster, like the way I used to before. Am I turning back into a shikshin?! I smiled with glee.

Before I realized it, I was my spoon with the bowl empty. I washed the bowl and drank water before I went back to our room.

I made my way to Yuri’s bed and smiled at her. I sat on her bed, facing her.

You cheater. We’re not supposed to care anymore.

I gently grabbed her hand and saw cuts and few blisters.

I almost cried. I went to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid box.

I started to tend to her hands and was applying the antibacterial ointment when she woke up.

“What are you doing?” She said as she retracted her hand. I grabbed it back.

“Stop moving.”

She obliged and I tended her cuts, placing bandage there and smiled when I finished.

“You’re not supposed to do this.” She said as I stood up to return the box.

“And you’re not supposed to cook for me either.” I stared at her eyes.

“What are you talking about? It was the girls. I bet Tae did it.” She answered.

“Yul, that’s the only thing you can make decently, and it’s always a bit salty. Don’t pass your cooking skills to poor Tae-unnie.” I smirked and walked away.

In the bathroom, I could never stop from smiling.

I went around looking for something to fill me, but your failed cooking made me crave for more.

*

BUSTED!

I hate that smirk on your face Yoona!

I pouted and made my way to the kitchen. It’s not my fault I’m not as good as Tae and Hyo.

I drank my water fast and sat on a stool. She finished all of it? I thought she lost her appetite?

I shrugged and went back to our room. That smug, she didn’t even thank me! I spent hours cooking that thing, it made me tired. I looked at my bandaged hands. How wrong could I be?

I smiled.

I still love the way you say thank you.

*

My heart won’t stop beating hard! I can’t even sleep again.

I can’t believe I’m hungry again, and this time, I’m actually looking forward to eating.

I turned to my other side and saw Yuri reading that book again. I love the way she looks so serious.

“It’s not good to stare at a stranger.” She said, making me scoff. She really likes putting that stranger thing back again.

“It’s not good to talk to one.” I said right back, smirking.

She furrowed her eyebrows; I bet she’s mad right now.

I’m still hungry. What to do?

I glanced at the clock. 10:15. I just ate an hour ago. I haven’t been like this for months.

Fine. I’m going out.

I dressed up and grabbed something to disguise me. I grabbed some clothes and placed it on Yuri’s bed. She looked at me weirdly.

“Get dressed. We’re going out.” I said coolly and sat on our couch waiting for her.

“Do you really think I’ll go with you?” She said defiantly, crossing her arms.

“I’ll tell Tae you won’t let me eat. You wouldn’t want that right?” I smirked as I saw her sigh in defeat.

“Why are we wearing the same jacket?” She asked as she went out.

“We’re disguising as a couple.” I said and grabbed her hand as we headed to the elevator.

She looks flustered; maybe the whole new change in me is scaring her.

I walked towards her and she paused as we stood there toe to toe.

I stared at her eyes. I missed looking at you this close Yul. I miss you so much. So much that I can’t control myself anymore. Her eyes were full of wonder as she stared back.

I leaned in and placed my hands on her shoulder.

“Wear your hoodie up.” I whispered and covered her head as I moved away to cover mine. Right in time as the door opened. I adjusted my eyeglasses and reached for her hand as we walked around the bright streets.

“Where are we going?” She asked. I pulled her closer to me.

“We’re supposed to walk side by side as a couple, not me dragging you around.” I said and held her hand tighter.

“Okay. For a stranger you’re very demanding.” She grumbled, making me smile as I look away.

*

I don’t know what’s inside her head anymore. She wanted us to stay away from each other and now she’s dragging me everywhere in the middle of the night. She brought us to a street full of food carts, noraebang and restaurants. It was flooded with people.

She said it’s better to be here so no one will notice. How could not anyone not notice her eating that much? I really think she lied when she said she lost her appetite. This shikshin is in her full bloom! She eats everything in sight!

“You want some?” She offered a fish cake. I sighed and just give in. I was about to take the stick from her but she retracted her hand. I really wanted to punch her for pranking me but her next move shocked me.

“Here, let me feed you.” She offered the food and I took a bite. I looked down as I hid my smile.

You’re always too sweet Yoong.

*

I dragged her towards a noraebang and we had a room to ourselves. She was reluctant at first since it was already too late and Taeyeon –unnie will kill us when we get home but I never let her hand go. All night I had my hand on hers and I let her know that I have no plans of letting go.

Though she sees me as a stranger, it’s still quite fun to actually sing our hearts out and eat more and more food. Oh how I missed all of this. I watched her as she sang and danced around the room, acting as if she’s on a concert. She stopped in the middle of the room giving me a cute heart over her head, which she usually do for her fans.

I shook my head.

“You’re the closest thing to an audience now.” She grinned and sang to me, making me laugh.

She plopped beside me tiredly.

“It’s no fair when you barely sing. You only eat a lot!” She complained and looked at me.

“Fine, I’ll sing.”

I stood up and chose a song.

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side.
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple.
No, I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized.
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize.
Oh-oh, I'm on your side.
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by.
Didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple.
No, I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized.
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but...

It's not the same,
No, it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me halfway,
If you would meet me halfway,
It could be the same for you.

I sat back down and drank my juice.

“You didn’t even finish the song.” She grumbled. I smirked.

“Let’s go somewhere else.” I said and dragged her out.

*

I’ve never heard someone sing that song so sadly. It clenched my heart hearing my best friend singing that. How can she harbor such sadness?

I sighed as she dragged me off somewhere again. This time, we were just walking around, hand in hand, looking at the bright lights and the people passing by. We entered the park and amazingly, it was still busting with people. She let me sit on a bench and went off somewhere. When she returned, she was handing me my favorite ice cream. I’m a bit happy she still remembered.

“Thanks.” I said as she sat down beside me, eating her own.

We just sat there, eating ice cream and looking around the people happily enjoying the evening.

“Yoona.” I said.

She just looked at me in response.

“Are you okay now?” She stopped eating and smirked.

“You’re not supposed to care.”

“I’m just asking. Come on stranger, spill it.” I urged.

“I’m getting better.” With the way she said those words, I have been wondering what she was actually talking about. Was it her health? Her friendship with me? It left me confused.

“I’m happy for you.” I said, turning my focus back to my melting ice cream.

*

Just being beside you Yul, it makes me better.

I smiled as I looked around. When we finished our food, I took her hand and we walked off again.

Having her hand in mine makes my heart swell. It made me happy so effortlessly that I wanted to be beside her always.

Just this night Yul, let’s just be together.

*

Seeing the way Yoona looks, I feel like I’ve seen that look before. She’s happy no doubt but she’s also hurt on the inside. She looks—she looks like she’s in love.

My eyes widened with the thought.

If she’s in love and she’s hurting that much, does that mean that person doesn’t love her back? What an idiot!

I want to punch him in the face for treating my best friend like that! She’s perfect! No wonder she feels so sad. She can’t even focus on our friendship because of that.

I’ll support her no matter what!

I exclaimed in my head as I stared at our joined hands while walked.

My free hand found its way to my heart.

If she’s indeed in love, why does it hurt me so much?

I shrugged the thought away.

One day Yoong, you’ll find happiness again. I’ll make sure of it.

*

We went out- yoonyul

“They’re using their couple name again.” Hyo said.

“Are they okay now?” Tiff asked.

“Maybe.” Tae said. “But they’re still grounded for a week for staying out too long!”

Jessica smiled.

If we can’t give you what you want, you better work for it Yoong.