I could feel the exhaustion taking over as I stepped in the apartment. Checking my watch and seeing a disgraceful hour blaring on it didn’t make a difference. As usual, I found food waiting for me by the table. Good thing it was still warm, or else I would have eaten it cold being too lazy to walk to the microwave. Pushing a chair backward, I sat comfortably and ate late dinner.

The door creaked open. “You’re home.”

“You’re still awake?”

“Oh, you know,” Jihyuk shuffled to the seat across mine. “I’m just… sleepwalking.”

I snorted. “You’re mean.” And I stopped eating to look at her. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I love her because she’s beautiful, but then I take it back and think that it’s the other way around – she’s beautiful because I love her. She’s so beautiful I can’t even get tired of looking at her. After almost a few weird minutes of staring at her, eyes dripping with adoration and whatnot, I continued eating. “You went to Donghwa today, right? What did he say? What were the results?”

She nodded, bit her lip, and rubbed the back of her nape. “You’re right,” Jihyuk said. “I’m fine after all. Maybe just a little too worked up on teaching and stuff.”

For whatever reason, I couldn’t feel satisfied with her answer, or maybe it was just because I was spent from a hard day’s work and still had no sleep. I smiled at her and finished eating. As she washed the dishes for me, I went to the bedroom and changed clothes, settling on sweatpants. I laid in bed and felt my eyes getting heavier, but I waited for Jihyuk. Five minutes passed and she still wasn’t here. I wondered what was taking her so long.

Just when I was about to stand up and check on her, Jihyuk entered. There was something off about her, like a day gone bad. Maybe that explains the sarcasm. “Come here,” I said, opening my arms and inviting her between them. She climbed up the mattress and pressed herself against me. “Did you miss me?” I asked, burying my face in her hair and inhaling deeply. “Because I always miss you. I always want to see you.” I sighed. “If only we could work in the same place everyday…”

“What if I quit my job?” she said.

Hiding the surprise in my voice, I asked her. “Why all of a sudden? What’s going on?” And I held her by the chin, forcing her to look at me.

When she did, she just kissed me and spoke afterwards. “I just feel tired. I wake up early in the morning to prepare and I talk my throat out all morning and afternoon. Sometimes the children get all hyped up as if they all ate chocolate that morning and I have to run and follow them around to make sure they don’t play with the toilet water or whatever.” I laughed at how tired she sounded like. “That’s not all of it,” she smacked my arm. “Sometimes I get frustrated at how messy they write or how they keep playing with glue and…it’s just so challenging sometimes that I couldn’t keep up. And one time, this kid asked me where he came from and I didn’t know how to answer him so I ended up just giving them five minutes of nap time.” I couldn’t fight the outbursts of laughter that left my mouth.

When the laughter wore out and my cheeks hurt from all the laughing, I embrace her tighter. “It’s been hard on you, baby. But are you serious? Do you really want to quit?” When she nodded, I knew she already had the decision made up in her mind and the only reason she told me about it is to have a support system. And I was ready to give her all the support she needed. “That’s okay with me, as long as you’re happy.” Because the truth was that was all I wanted her to be: happy. I wanted her to love herself as much as I loved her. “It’s dog eat dog out there. Let me be the one to provide for you.”

Jihyuk took my hand and interlocked our fingers before kissing my palm and holding it against her cheek. “Maybe I’ll quit tomorrow.”

“That soon?”

She just nodded. And we were silent for a while. Just when I was about to fall asleep, “Baby, will you do it?” Jihyuk asked.

“Hmm?”

“That… your thing. Do it for me.”

“What? You mean, ?”

She shook her head. “Your piano thing. Do it for me. Please?”

“But I’m tired,” I complained.

“But if it was , you’re…” Without me looking at her, I could already imagine her rolling her eyes.

I smiled. “Of course.” And that earned me a pinch on my arm.

Jihyuk twisted and turned until she ended up facing me. “Please? Play for me. Play a long piece.”

“You always fall asleep right in the middle.”

“I won’t. I promise.” She held her right hand up to swear. “I’ll listen to you. Baby, just please play for me.”

“Do you really want me to?” I asked, and seeing her pleading eyes, I gave in. I stood up and sat by the piano with Jihyuk following close behind me. Even with my lack of sleep catching up on me, I started to play. Sure enough, Jihyuk was intently listening. I glanced at her once in a while and found her already staring at me. In between my playing, I remembered something. “When I was young and on cold nights, my father would play the piano and my mother would hold me and Donghwa tight. We would sit by the heater and my mom would tell the story of the two archangels*.” Turning to her, I asked. “Have you heard of the story of Gabrielle and Michael?”

She looked confused. “Gabrielle?”

“The two archangels,” I answered, my hands still on the keys. “Have you ever heard of their story?” When she just shrugged, I continued. “It was said they were Lucifer’s closest friends. The three of them, when together, were unstoppable. They were the best, the brightest, strongest, purest, most beautiful. They were the soldiers of the light.” I looked at her and she looked back at me. “Then Lucifer became so conceited, so confident of his own strength that he was convinced he could overthrow the Almighty. So the great war happened. The good against the evil. In the end, the good still won and so Lucifer was banished to Hell together with all his followers. That made Lucifer the fallen angel, the banished one. It was said that Gabrielle, being so fond of and attracted to Lucifer’s light, followed him down to his banishment.”

She looked at me almost accusingly. “You don’t believe in God.”

I shrugged. At least, she was still awake and listening. I proceeded. “The other archangel, Michael, loved Gabrielle so much he followed her too. Like he couldn’t live forever in paradise without her. Like it was a physical pain, or a physical death even if he was an angel – an archangel, to be exact. Maybe he’d rather be damned than not be with her. He could’ve stayed and enjoyed everything that heaven could offer—“ And I wasn’t done speaking nor was I done playing the piece when Jihyuk stood up, covering , and rushed to the bathroom. She locked herself in and didn’t come out for the rest of the night.

***

*inspired by Melissa Dela Cruz' Blue Bloods Series

Couldn't handle all my feels TT_TT