“You take her out into the rain and you fall in love with her and she leaves you and you’re desolate— HEY!” Hyukjae exclaimed after I snatched his book and hurled it to the wall. “You know what, you’re just plain bitter. No wonder. You’ve always been a sore loser, and that makes you a double loser,” he grumbled, marching to where the floor and wall meet and picking his book up.

“And you’re not helping,” I countered. “Come on, help me out. I’m dying here.”

“Yeah, keep dying. And while you’re at it, Jihyuk’s probably getting hit again for putting too much sugar on a coffee someone ordered…”

“Stop it,” I ordered, standing up from where I was sprawled on the couch.

“Look, if you’d just gone to her as soon as you knew, then you wouldn’t be moping around the house and worrying about Jihyuk,” he explained.

He was right. I knew he was. He knew he was. All I needed was to man up and go to her. And so I did. From the corner of my eye, I saw her balancing three trays at once. The girl who couldn’t walk down a straight line without support was now trying to balance. As much as I wanted to laugh at my own inside joke, I knew she would see me, and my cover would be blown.

By the time Jihyuk went over to clean my table, I pretended to be really immersed in the newspaper. I cleared my throat. “A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it into the river but then he’s still left with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he’s still left with his hands.”

“Not to bother you, but you sound like someone I know,” she said, spraying water on the table and wiping it with a rag.

I pretended to turn the pages of the paper. “Do I?”

She was silent for a while. “It’s you, isn’t it?” And she didn’t have to take the newspaper away to assure herself that it was me. “What are you doing here?”

“I came here for you.”

“What for?”

“I want you back.”

“Well, guess what? I don’t. Thank you for coming, sir. I really do hope you have a nice day,” she said before spinning on the soles of her feet to leave.

“Wait—“ I said, grabbing her by the wrists and leading her through the doors and out into the streets.

“What—You bastard, I have to get back to work, or else my boss will kill me,” she hissed in agitation. I didn’t know if hearing her call me a bastard again was a good or a bad thing, but right now that didn’t matter.

Once we were in a nearby secluded area, “Sunmi told me everything,” I revealed.

She was surprised, or maybe shocked was the right word. It was like the ice in her was beginning to thaw, and a part of her frozen eyes was beginning to melt back into the deep, brown-eyed Jihyuk I used to know and get to so easily before.

Before she could snap out of it, “Just let me help you. I’ll get you out of this mess. You have to let me help you,” I pleaded. “I want to help you. Please, Jihyuk, I’m begging you. Just… just let me.”

“You don’t have to. I made this mess myself. I’ll handle it,” she said, waving her hands as if to shoo the ideas away. “We live alone and we die alone, right? You told me that.”

I grabbed her hands and felt the words bundle up in a lump in my throat. “Don’t leave me,” I said, almost a whisper. “See? Your parents didn’t like us together but we didn’t listen. My brother told me to leave you but I didn’t. I chose you because I wanted to be with you. I chose you because you’re more myself than I’ll ever be. You said it before yourself, you lead and I just follow. You jump, I jump, remember?” She was staring at her feet as she cried. “I’ll do anything for you. Just… just tell me you love me back. Tell me you love me. Is it that hard to say it?”

She was crying as she pulled her hands away from my grip. “Choice… that’s the thing. I wasn’t the best choice. Hell, I’m not even the right choice. I didn’t want you to prefer me, so I chose for you,” she said. “Someday you’ll be loved the way you deserve and you’ll feel so warm and happy and you’ll think it’s summer every day. And all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands still trembling. “I have to get back to work.”

As she walked away, “You do know I’m coming back for you, right?” I called out with the realization that she loves me, just in a way I didn’t understand.