“No, Sunmi, I just think this is too much,” I heard Jihyuk complain.

“No—don’t you dare touch your hair!” Sunmi ordered. “I spent almost fifteen minutes trying to fix your hair to that style.” I could imagine Jihyuk rolling her eyes. They were continuously bantering inside the small bathroom – which Sunmi apparently had converted into her own dressing room. She had especially volunteered to be her sister’s stylist for the party that evening and asked me to wait for Jihyuk’s ‘special transformation’, to which Jihyuk just scoffed.

“Move quickly, I can’t breathe in this cramped up space,” Jihyuk complained. “It’s just a party I’m invited to. It’s not like I know anyone there. And besides, I want to blend in, not stand out.”

“You wouldn’t want to blend in with old people, right? I heard the nurses talking about how boring it’ll be. Imagine, a party with boring long speeches and endless formal talks about the hospital’s greatness and whatever,” Sunmi said. “I think the employees just go there because they don’t have a social life besides work.”

“Hey!” I shouted from outside.

They both laughed. A few more minutes of arguing and complaining – more on Jihyuk’s side, but she wasn’t really winning – and the door opened. I stood up, thinking my date would come out and we’ll proceed to the area where the party will be held. Instead, Sunmi was the one who exited. She looked surprised to see me and gave me one up and down look before her face broke out into a huge grin. She dusted my shoulder mockingly. “She’ll fall for you so hard~” she muttered to herself and to me, she said, “You can go see her inside.”

Ruffling her hair and laughing to myself, I took a deep breath before entering. There she was standing in front of the mirror while blinking back at her reflection. Maybe she thought she looked different or maybe to her, she looked like an entirely different person. But to me, she was still Jihyuk. My Jihyuk. “Hey,” I called out softly, not wanting to startle her.

But she still looked startled, much more flustered. When she started panicking, I just put my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder as I watch her reflection on the mirror. The dress Sunmi chose for her fit her so perfectly, hugging her body in all the right places. The color made her eyes deeper, more alive. “You look beautiful,” I told her, because she really was. I knew Sunmi did a great job in being her stylist as she had made her up so naturally, bringing color to her cheeks.

Pressing our cheeks together and sliding my hands down to hers, “Do you see that girl?” I asked, pointing to her reflection on the mirror. She nodded, and I brought my lips nearer to her ear and whispered, “I’m going to love that girl forever, and ever, and ever, and ever…” She smiled, and staring into my eyes while I pulled her in for a kiss. And when she put her arms around me, I couldn’t be any happier.

She pulled away, and for a second I thought she would kiss me again, but then she began cleaning up the mess they made on the bathroom counter. “We should get going,” Jihyuk said, and we left hand in hand after bidding Sunmi goodbye. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her, even when we rode the elevator to the destined floor. She sticks her tongue out playfully whenever she catches me staring at her.

The night dragged on lazily, as we sat by our table and stared at the people in the same party as us. I told her all about these people – how they look like when they go to work at seven in the morning, what fonts and sizes they like on reports and assessments, how they like their coffee, and how they tell their patients they only had a week to live. Jihyuk eased up, fortunately, and felt more comfortable as time ticked by.

Suddenly the lights dimmed, and it was only then that we noticed a small flight of stairs that rose up to a small set-up stage. Someone was already up there, tapping the microphone before clearing his throat. He was the director of the hospital. Even before he could speak a word, the people around us started off with applauses. Jihyuk and I exchanged glances as we fought the urge to laugh at how silly it was, but went on along with it anyway.

He proposed a toast, for starters, and while the people all had wine in their glasses, Jihyuk and I had water to drink. And then he announced how the next person to deliver his speech will be chosen randomly. Though I didn’t know how that goes and I didn’t realize the risk I was in of being chosen, I focused on my time with Jihyuk. What could possibly go wrong?

After an hour of the two of us being alone, Jihyuk and I were startled as Eunyoung came and chatted with us. “I’m so glad you came,” she greeted, not bothering to sit down and I knew it was because she didn’t intentionally plan to talk to us. She said, “The director wants to meet you.”

I stood up and looked at Jihyuk. “Can I bring her with me?”

But Jihyuk shook her head to refuse, and Eunyoung frowned, although she didn’t say no out loud. Sighing, “I’ll be quick,” I muttered to her before walking away. Turning to Eunyoung, who was holding onto my arm as we walked, “Where is he, anyway?” I asked. She pointed to a group of old men and women talking to each other loudly. They each had a wine glass in their hands.

“Director Nam, this is Dr. Lee,” Eunyoung whispered to a man, who immediately turned to look at me.

I smiled and bowed politely, wishing I could turn around and leave now. “It’s nice to meet you,” I said. I didn’t quite know what to say to him since we’ve only met and I didn’t want to come off as nosy. Eunyoung slowly backed off and flashed me a thumbs up for luck. I wanted to yell at her for dragging me into this situation unprepared.

“I heard you followed your older brother here?” he asked.

At the mention of Donghwa, my smile tightened. “I look up to him as a role model,” I said, feeling uncomfortable with lying. But I didn’t want to put Donghwa’s reputation to shame. “And when he started working here, I figured I should follow his steps and he supported me all the way, especially since he’s the only family I have left now.” He smiled and nodded. “But now that I’m working here and in a different specialization, I want to have my own identity and not just remain under his shadow.”

He looked at me closely, scrutinizing my face while I talked. And when he realized I was finished, he started, “You know, when they told me that one of the top students who passed the licensure exam will work here, I’ve had my doubts.” He handed me a glass of wine, which I couldn’t refuse. “But don’t get mistaken. We accept the best, yes, but sometimes they don’t want to work here.”

“They go off to bigger and more well-known hospitals, but that’s a completely different story,” Director Nam said. “When you applied, I thought you had already applied to those other hospitals and got rejected so you had no other choice but to try your luck here. And when I realized that this hospital is your first choice, I felt like I was looking at my old self, when I was still young and full of life and I can do so many things.”

I wanted to laugh at how silly his words were. I looked like his younger self? “When I started as an intern here in Sejong, I had just gotten married. You know how busy it is, right? And so starting a family was put off many years later, but I was thankful my wife understood. It was overwhelming and humbling to have a support system in this kind of career.”

“Where is she now?” I asked, craning my neck and trying to look for an old woman who might just be this man’s wife.

Director Nam shoved his hand in his pocket and held his glass in the other. He had his head hung low. “She passed away last year,” he said faintly. He looked up and let out a sigh. “Alzheimer’s. It was just too bad I couldn’t have done anything about it.”

“I’m sorry,” I immediately replied, which he shook off.

The microphone up the stage sounded again when someone tapped on it. I looked up and felt guiltier than ever. With a grin on his face, “Our next speaker for tonight…” Donghwa started, and I couldn’t hear what he had said next because I couldn’t have cared less. All I was thinking of is how I could possibly get Jihyuk off the stage and get back on Donghwa for dragging her into this.

Beside me, the director was intently listening, as was everyone else. The people all had their eyes and ears on her. She was supposed to talk about what she thought of the hospital as an institution that had been standing and whatever for how many years. She had her hands clasped together in nervousness as she talked.

“I really don’t know what to say since I’m not a medical professional in any way. I’m a teacher, actually, and although I’ve never been confined here in this hospital, my sister is. She was diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, and when the doctor told me that, I asked him what that meant. He said it meant that my sister suffers from an incurable disease and that medicine would prolong her life, not cure her.”

As she talked, she had tears pooling by the corner of her eyes and she was trying to hold them in, but barely succeeding. “After almost a week of staying with my sister and looking after her, I realized how caring and hands-on the nurses and the doctors are of taking care of her especially when I’m not around. And I guess that passion, dedication to work, and service are what made this hospital stand for many many years.”

“And if these hardworking people ever felt tired, they should ask themselves what really was important. You know what’s important? It’s not whom you die for. What’s important is whom you live for. Whom do you live for everyday? Whom do you wake up for at seven in the morning because his blood pressure was lower than normal or her x-ray results were released and needed to be interpreted? Whom do you run the stairs for because it was an emergency?” she spoke with a voice so broken, so vulnerable yet so sweet and with so much conviction.

She paused for a while, the silence filled with reflection and deep thoughts. “This is the hospital’s identity – the identity which doesn’t stand as an identity for the institution itself. The hospital’s identity is the identity that is shared and relived and founded in hard work and passion. It is this identity that will endure for the years to come.” And when she finished speaking, everyone applauded. Even the director, who was standing beside me, couldn’t hold his excitement in him.

Eunyoung assisted her as she walked down the stairs with people complimenting her. She just wore a tight smile at them and when her eyes met mine, I made sure to beam at her. She did not smile back. She and Eunyoung went to where I was and immediately Director Nam shook her hand. “This is Jung Jihyuk,” Eunyoung told him. “She’s with Dr. Lee.”

The old man looked at me questioningly. “She’s m-my…”

“I’m his cousin,” Jihyuk said without hesitation. She looked at me and smiled. I did not smile back.

Eunyoung and I exchanged confused glances, but before I could protest, the director had already towed Jihyuk towards his group of old people, and I didn’t want to be rude. Donghwa, on the other hand, dragged me to his own group of middle-aged professionals. While the conversation became more and more uninteresting, Eunyoung tapped me briefly, giving me a chance to excuse myself. “I saw her by the ladies’ room,” she said worriedly. “She looked like she wasn’t feeling well. Maybe you should check on her.”

So I did. A few feet away from the ladies’ room, I saw her come out and  rush towards a man who wore a shirt and jeans and didn’t look like he was really invited to the party. Jihyuk and Hyukjae left the place without another word.