JiYeon

I furrowed my brows in frustration as I leaned my head down on the keys of the keyboard. I couldn’t concentrate on the notes in front of me and I couldn’t concentrate on playing this damn song.

She is the only thing running through my head right now.

As I continued resting my head down on my desk, the photo on my bedside table caught my eye.

The photo of JiYeon and I.

I wasn’t lying when I said that was my favourite photo, it really was. I’ve kept that photo frame for a reason. It reminds me of a simpler time in my life, when my life didn’t become this crazy rollercoaster. Whenever the world wants a piece of me, analyses my every move and criticizes everything I do, I come back home where I feel most safest and look at this very photo to remind myself that there is at least one person in this world that isn’t so judgemental, that there is someone out there who loved me for me.

Someone genuinely loved me and I let that very person go.

[PAST]

“Good morning, Ji!” She greeted me with a smile that made my heart skip a beat every time.

“Good morning beautiful” I replied with a grin.

She hates it when I call her by these nicknames. She says she finds it embarrassing because she doesn’t think she is beautiful but I don’t care whether or not she likes it because I think she is beautiful. To me, she is the definition of beauty. There shines an aura around her that I can’t explain. Her skin; flawless, her hair falls down around her shoulders so effortlessly, her eyes always had a sparkle in there and her smile, oh God that smile.

I have fallen in love with her and I couldn’t be any more grateful that she loved me in return.

“Aish! I told you not to call me that!” She pouted “And hurry up! We will be late for school!”

I chuckled as I finally approached the grumpy girl.

“Whatever! I know you like it” I said with a smirk as I placed a kissed on top of her head.

“Hey JiYong!”

I turned around at the sound of my name and saw my friend MinHyuk pushing his way through the body of students that were walking in the opposite direction to him.

“Hey man!” I greeted him with a hi-five as he finally made his way through the crowd.

“You coming tonight to play ball?” He asked as we started walking towards the library.

“Not tonight man. Hanging with JiYeon” I said as I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of her smile.

“Arent you a little cutie” He teased as he pinch my cheeks.

I slapped his hand away as I couldn’t help but chuckle at the baby voice he was mimicking.

“You see her everyday man, just for one night, hang with the boys” He said.

“Tomorrow I will but tonight I have to see her” I said.

“What’s so important about tonight?” He asked.

“I have to tell her that I got into YG entertainment” I said.

His eyes widened in shock.

“You haven’t told her?!” He exclaimed as I quickly covered his mouth with my hand.

“God! Any louder and I’m pretty sure she would of heard you from the other side of the school!” I hissed.

I removed my hand from his mouth so he was able to speak.

“Sorry man! But you found out about that last week! I’m surprised she wasn’t the first person you told!” He said.

“I know! I just don’t know how I’m supposed to tell her!” I sighed as I leaned against the wall.

In all honestly, MinHyuk was the first person I told when I received the letter from YG. I had told almost everyone I knew everyone except JiYeon. It wasn’t my intention to leave her last or my intention to leave it for a week! But I was afraid. I was afraid of her reaction. I know she has supported me through this, helping me and pushing me to achieve this dream but I never thought it would happen and when it did, the only thing I could think about was JiYeon and what would happen to us.

I dont want this to end and I don't want to loose her. I could be just getting ahead of myself and for all we know, this might not change anything between us but I cant help but hold on to the feeling that it just wont be the same.

"You must really love her" He said and i just simply nodded.

“Well man, JiYeon is a good girl, a great girl in fact! I’m sure she will still support you and stick by your side through this. She will be your biggest fan” MinHyuk said, reassuring me.

“Thanks man” I said.

“Come on JiYeon! Are you even trying?” I teased as I place one more dollar into the machine.

“Oh! You are so dead JiYong!” She exclaimed as playfully punch my arm.

We’ve gone out for an early dinner and even had time to go for a walk around our local park and even now have time to play at the arcade but I still haven’t had the time or chance to tell her about my news. I just don’t understand why I can’t bring myself to tell her.

As the game started and our characters were in full battle, my mind was off in another world. Trying to think of how I was going to tell her and when I was going to tell her.

Okay, now JiYong! I have to tell her now!

Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! No-

“I got accepted into YG entertainment” I spoke casually, trying to hide the fact that I was a nervous wreck on the inside.

I didn’t want to face JiYeon just yet so I played it cool by continuing to play the game, defeating her character.

“Wh-what?” She spoke.

“I got accepted JiYeon!” I said with a smile.

She was silent for almost a good 2 minutes. I wish I could read what was going on in her mind, what she was thinking, that’s if she was even thinking about anything!

Please say something JiYeon!

She finally smile and leaned in to give me a hug.

“Im so happy for you” She said.

Although I couldn’t see her face, I could hear it in her voice and I could feel it in this hug that she was saddened by the news.

“Don’t worry! I promise nothing will change!” I cheered as I held out my pinky.

She linked her pinky finger with mine and let out a smile.

“I know” She spoke.

Despite that smile and keeping a strong front for me I knew how she was really feeling deep side which was tearing me up inside.

I promised myself the day I told her I loved her for the first time that I wouldn’t hurt her, yet here I am, breaking her heart and breaking that promise.

[PRESENT]

Although we never really said it to each other, I think we both knew at that very moment that things were never going to be the same again, no matter how hard we tried to savour what we had.

I tried my best to move on, tried my best to forget about her. But it’s almost impossible to forget someone who I loved with every ounce of my heart.

I regret not keeping her in my life like I promised but …

I loved her then and honestly, I love her still.