DONGHAE

The silence of the park invaded my form the moment I reached it. There were no people in sight since it was too early. So as I take in a deep breath, I walked towards the bench that held so much memories and sat down with my knees on my chest, hugging it tightly as I dropped my head down.

I know that things like this happen to celebrities like us. I know the media liukes to play dirty and gives meaning to every action we do without knowing the rationale. I know we are the property of everyone and being involved in scandals such as this is a normal occurence. But even if I know that perfectly well---even if I know that HyukJae have some explanations for it I can't help but get hurt by what I've seen. It hurts me in an immeasurable way that I can't think of anything but maybe this is it. Maybe this marks the end of everything.

But there is that part of me that doesn't want to let him go. A flicker of hope that no matter what happens, we'd be together and we'd get through this together. Because I know that my love for him is too much to bear and is enough to suffice us both; at least for now. But eve nafter saying, it was as if my body doesn't want me to go back to the dorms just yet. It was as if my heart is dreading to be beside him, to comfort him and yet my head is stopping me because no matter how much I want to hug him---I didn't want to see him. I know it sounds so contradicting and cliche but my heart is battling with my mind.

And in my point of view, my mind is winning.

*

It was a chaos the moment I got back.

Members were walking back and forth, their phones on their ears as they prepare for their schedule. All of them are wearing a frown but when they noticed my presence, they stopped from their tracks and turned to look at me with worried eyes. And I know I should be grateful that they are thinking about me but somehow, their looks made me feel so weak---so pathetic that I almost winced just from the thought.

"DongHae," Heechul-hyung spoke, walking towards me but someone beat him to is as I felt arms wrapping around me; those familiar warm arms that gave me that comforting feeling---those arms that were once felt like home. But now, it felt unfamiliar. Different. Strange, even. And as I turn around to meet the eyes of the owner, I almost allowed myself to cry as I saw the same expression on his face---it was as if he was saying I looked pitiful. Before I could push that unwanted thought away, I was being dragged upstairs, in our room. I let him do so,and when he made me sat in our bed as he closed and locked the door before going back beside me, he uttered those familiar words---

"I'm sorry."

And I don't know if something is wrong with me because those words felt like a lie.

"I am so sorry, DongHae."

There it was again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, please forgive me---"

It was an authentic lie that I can;t help but wonder since when did HyukJae learn to lie this good?

"I won't do it again. I promise."

Hearing those, I let a chuckle leave my lips as I looked down, closing my eyes and clutching the bed sheet under my palms. He was silent next to me and I know he might think I was crazy because he was apologizing and I was chuckling but I can't help it because I can't believe how seriously whipped I was to HyukJae that even if I know that everything is starting to be a lie, I still held on the fact that he loved me; that once upon a shooting star, he told me he was inlove with me. But maybe it wasn't meant to last long.

"Hae?" He spoke, placing a hand on my chin to lift my head up and I let him. The moment our eyes met, I wanted to punch myself because why haven't I noticed? Why didn't I see that HyukJae's eyes weren't filled with love anymore? That he wasn't looking at me the sameway as before? That his eyes were full of everything---they see everything except me.

"When did you learn that?" Was the words that left my lips and I watched as he eyed me strangely.

"What are you talking about, DongHae? Are you okay? Are you sick?" He asked worriedly and I almost fell for it again as he place a palm on my forehead to check my temperature but I swatted it away.

"I'm not sick."

Slowly, he put his hand down and said, "Are you mad at me? I'm so sorry, baby. It was an accident, we didn't mean for it to happen. She called awhile ago and was apologizing because she posted it on accident. Nothing really happened. Please believe me, Hae. You know I love you, right? You know you're the only one---"

"Am I, really?" I asked in a dead tone that I almost didn't recognize myself.

"Of course. Of course you're the only one---Donghae-ah, please don't be like this," he begged.

"Then what do you want me to be like?"

"Just---just please understand. Believe me, it wasn't real---I swear. I promise none of those news were real. Please under---"

"Understand?" I asked incredulously, smiling fakely at that word he used. "When you got home drunk for the past weeks, saying things that didn't mean a thing, crushing my heart in the process, what did I do? I understand. Because you were drunk. Because you weren't thinking. Becasue you didn't mean it. And now, again, you are asking me to understand---aren't you a little selfish, HyukJae?"

It was funny.

I never thought I would say these words because I was too blinded by happiness that I failed to see the flaws, and because of that those flaws grew and grew that we can't do anything to fix it now. And now that I am saying these words, watching his face turn into a unknown expression, I can't help but admit it to myself that one fact I kept on denying.

"I---I'm just asking you for understanding one last time. Baby, please---after this, everything would go back to normal...we'd be happy again and I promise that I'll---"

"Stop it, HyukJae. Stop lying," I cut him off, letting out a sigh.

"I'm not lying. I'm serious, Hae. This would be the last time. I'd change---I'll change for you and we'll be happy and all of this would be a part of our past. Hae, please, listen to me," HyukJae said with a pleading tone as he cupped my face with his hands and made me stare into those eyes I've loved so much. Those eyes that had me breathless everytime I'd stare into them. But now, I can't help but see the lies behind those orbs.

Placing my hands on his to put it down, I held it tight before letting go.

"I'm tired."

"Do--do you want to sleep? We could talk about this later after you rest," he offered.

But I shook my head and looked at him again, "I'm tired, HyukJae."

"What---what do you mean?" he almost choked on his words.

"Let's break up."