DONGHAE

 

“Thanks, hyung,” I said sleepily to our manager as he stopped the car in front of the dorm.

 

“Sure thing, kid. Get some rest and you have schedule tomorrow at 7, alright?” He reminded me and I gave a sigh as I opened the door of the car, starting to go out.

 

“Okay. Night, hyung,” I replied boredly, and when I was about to close the door, he called me again so I looked back. “What else?” I asked.

 

Manager-hyung looked at me, before he spoke, “Do you know what day it is tomorrow?”

 

I raised an eyebrow, “No. Why? Is tomorrow a special day?” I asked, curious but at the same time, sleepy from all my activities.

 

He chuckled, “Oh nothing. Just thought something’s happening tomorrow. Must have been a mistake. Well, go on, DongHae. Take a rest,” he said and drove off. With a slight shake of my head, I finally moved my feet towards the dorms and it’s not a surprise that it’s dark and quiet this time of the day. The members are all busy with their stuff and it just happened that I get finish with my job earlier that anybody else. With a shrug, I walked straight to my room and the radio.

 

“Good evening people, welcome to SuKiRa!” a voice said from the radio and I can’t help but smile at how Hyukjae’s voice seemed so cheerful even if I know he’s tired and is dying to go home already. I listened tentatively to the radio while lying down on my bed. Once in a while, I’d send messages to Hyuk and Teukkie-hyung and would chuckle every time Hyuk would mention my name on the show, teasing me for being the most free artist during this time of the day. I just wish I could say the same to him.

 

I miss him.

 

It’s been so long since we had a time for ourselves. I mean, sure we live in the same dorm, and we share the same room but it’s not enough. We are so immersed with our jobs that we can’t even go and have simple dates by the Han River during nights anymore. The group’s schedule is packed with concerts that even if we are in the same practice room, we focus more on our routine than we do on each other. And individual activities are getting in the way; I have my photo shoots and drama filmings, while he has TV guestings, dream team and SuKiRa. Our schedules don’t match that we can’t even lie down together in our bed in the morning just to greet each other a good day. When I wake up, it will either be I’ll go out earlier before him or he’d be gone already. I just really really miss him.

 

I know I sound selfish. Possessive , they say. But I can’t help it.

 

There’s that nagging feeling inside me---that insecure feeling. I can see how HyukJae’s starting to change. Well, I mean he’s still an idiot and he still smells but besides that, he’s being different. By different I meant he’s starting to attract attention. From girls. I’m happy for him, sure. But every time a girl would show some motive of liking him, Hyukjae would just shrug it off and even flirt a bit saying that he has to do it for the fans. Always for the fans. Sometimes, when he makes those excuses there are times I don’t believe him. Don’t get me wrong, alright? I love him and I trust him but it’s those people around him I don’t trust. I’ve heard other girl groups giggling about how hot he looks, how his red hair suits him perfectly, how his hip s are to die for, how handsome he is. And I have that dark feeling of wanting to just keep HyukJae in my bag and never let people see him. But I can’t do that. I can’t because HyukJae belongs to ELF; always have, always will. So I just comfort myself saying that at least, when the cameras are off, when were in the comfort zone of our room, he’d be mine and mine alone.

 

But then, there’s that thing---that thing of wanting to show everyone what we have; of not wanting to hide. Of wanting to expose this love we share. To be able to walk hand-in-hand without speculating eyes, to kiss each other gently out in the open, to call each other with endearments, to just show others that we’re together. I’ve always wanted that; wanting to brag of what we have. But we can’t. We can’t because not everyone is as understanding like our members. We can’t because all our hard work would crumble down to pieces. We can’t because people would hate us. We can’t---we can’t because…

 

Because Hyukjae doesn’t want to.

 

He didn’t say it directly; but it’s not as if I didn’t notice. The way his eyes would divert, looking around cautiously. Or the way he would remove our intertwined hands from the under the table when other people who don’t know about us would come near or table on a restaurant. Or the way he lets those girls flirt with him just so he could hide who he is. I can see that; those efforts he’s doing to hide about us. I can see it and sometime it stings even if I know he’s only doing that to protect us, and our band as well. I looked at the ceiling and imagined how wonderful it would be if we could be just who we are; not caring of other people, not caring of what would happen next. I’ve wanted that. Always wanted something like that, but I guess that’s not possible now, huh?

 

With a sigh, I lower the volume of the radio and turn to the side of the queen-sized bed. I hate how the bed felt so spacious and empty. I wanted HyukJae to fill in the gap; to wrap me in his arms. But I guess that won’t happen now so I close my eyes while letting Hyukkie’s voice from the radio lull me to sleep.

 

*

 

The sound of my alarm clock woke me up and I groggily switched it off. With eyes closed, I let my hands wonder around the bed, expecting to feel another warm body beside me. But I frowned when I felt nothing but the sheets of the bed. I open my eyes and sighed.

 

“Guess he had an early schedule,” I whispered to myself before pulling myself up from the bed and get ready to leave for my schedule. Its 6:15 and I still have to get something for breakfast before manager-hyung would drive me to my destination. Walking out of the room, I made my way to the kitchen where I saw something unexpected.

 

“Good morning, baby,” a sweet voice said from behind me and I turned around to find Hyukjae looking at me with a smile and his arms automatically finding their way around my waist.

 

“Morning. What are you doing here?” I asked as he kissed my cheek.

 

“What kind of response is that? Don’t you want me to be here?” He frowned as he grabbed my hand and we went inside the kitchen where I notice a breakfast for two is prepared on the table.

 

“It’s---I thought you’d be gone with your schedule,” I told him as he made me sit on the chair, putting a napkin on my lap before he sat down beside me and doing the same thing to himself.

 

“No worries. I have time. Now, let’s get you to eat,” he replied happily as he reached out for the bacon and egg, placing some on my table before putting on his own plate, then he got some rice. All this time, I’m watching him do those things he usually do for me and that feeling of missing him intensified inside me.

 

“I miss you,” I muttered without thinking, and he turned to stare at me with those eyes---those eyes that held me breathless.

 

“I missed you too,” he replied huskily before he leaned in and let our lips touch. “So freaking much,” he added while our lips are together before he my lower lip and I can’t help but let out a small moan as my arms wounded around his neck, bringing him closer and I felt his lean arms on my waist. A few more seconds and the kiss became too intense that when we parted for some oxygen, our faces are red, his hair disheveled from my doing and we’re both panting for air, but our eyes stayed lock on each other, no words spoken because our eyes are doing the talking and it’s enough. Not too soon, he leaned in again and started ravishing my neck but he was careful to not leave any mark before he went to the outer lobe of my ear and I moaned a bit.

 

“I could just eat you up right now,” he whispered huskily before he bit me lightly.

 

Alarmed by his words, I pushed him through his chest gently and avoided his glazed eyes as I said, “W---we can’t. I have schedule at 7, Hyuk.”

 

He chuckled, “I know,” came his reply and he kissed my forehead once before he returned back to his original position and started eating and I did so myself. We talked and laugh about everything that happened to us and we’d feed each other from time to time and steal some kisses when the other is not looking; well, Hyukjae did. And when I checked my watch, I frowned.

 

“That’s weird,” I said.

 

“I already know you’re weird,” HyukJae teased and I glared at him.

 

“Manager-hyung’s not here yet. He told me he’d be here at 7,” I told him anyway as I checked my phone for some messages from him.

 

“Ooooh, that,” Hyukjae started, “I forgot to tell you that I’d be your driver today,” he informed me and I looked at him with big eyes.

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, because I’m free?” he answered uncertain so I sighed and got up.

 

“Let’s go then, I can’t be late,” I said and we left the dorm.

 

*

 

“Sorry sorry sorry sorry---”

 

“HyukJae,” I said, not looking up.

 

But this guy is not listening as he continued singing with the radio on maximum so I continued, “Hyuk, can you please turn the volume down?”

 

“Why? I love this song. Don’t you?”

 

I sighed, “Of course I do. It’s our song but I can’t concentrate with these scripts with you singing at the top of your lungs,” I whined and finally looked up at him to give him a glare. But the glare wiped off when I noticed something unusual.

 

“Hyukkie? This is not the way to the shooting site,” I informed him as I looked out the window and realized we’re far from the supposed to be destination.

 

“It’s not?” Hyukjae answered with a tone of innocence that it made me suspicious so  I looked back at him again.

 

“Where are we going?” I asked.

 

“It’s a secret,” he said and winked.

 

“Are you seriously kidnapping me?” I told him indignantly and he chuckled.

 

“You can say that,” he replied and chuckled. “I like that idea, though. Me kidnapping my adorable boyfriend to who-knows where,” he teased and I huffed as I looked out the window, trying to hide the blush creeping out my cheeks when I remembered I have my phone with me and manager-hyung could be calling. Fishing it out my back pocket, I started dialing and it was answered almost immediately.

 

“Hyung, I’m---”

 

“You have reached voicemail, please leave a message after a beep.”

 

I looked at my phone dumbly before ending the call. Manager-hyung never switches off his phone.

 

“Could you please relax? It’s not as if I’d do something bad to you,” HyukJae spoke from the driver seat and I looked back at him to find him staring at me.

 

“Look at the road, you monkey!” I screamed and he chuckled.

 

*

 

It was half an hour when I realized where we’re going.

 

“Hyuk, are we---what are we---”

 

“Shh…just sit still and we’re close alright?” he replied and sent me smile. I sat back on my chair and looked out the window where I can see trees and the view of an ocean. Opening my window, I inhaled the scent of this place; I’ve missed it. I can’t even recall when is the last time I went back here.

 

Suddenly, the car came to a smooth stop and a hand was on my shoulder.

 

“We’re here,” Hyukjae’s voice said gently and I got out of the car, with him following and I was staring at the place where he brought me.

 

“Why are we here?” I asked in a hushed tone, and the sound of the car closing made me look at HyukJae who is now holding a bouquet of roses as he walked to my side, slipping his hand to mine as he urged me to walk forward with him. I let him lead the way since he knows it and there was that silence surrounding us as we get nearer and nearer that certain spot. When we came to a halt, HyukJae placed the roses down before he stood up once again.

 

“Dad,” a whisper left my lips as the wind started blowing gently, “Hi.”

 

“Hello, uncle,” Hyukjae said beside me. “I bet you’re wondering why we’re here, huh?” he talked naturally and I just listened, looking at my father’s grave with longing as I was reminded of how he filled me with love when I was a kid.

 

“Don’t worry, your son’s haven’t got a clue why I brought him here too,” he continued. “I wanted to tell you a secret, uncle.” All of a sudden, Hyukjae raised our intertwined fingers that I looked at him,

 

“I love your son.”

 

And the world felt like it stopped. There was no sound but the wind blowing, the trees rustling and the sound of the wave of the ocean splashing. I stood there at awe, looking at his guy beside me.

 

“We love each other, and I hope you give us your blessing,” he continued and I felt a wind hitting my face gently and Hyukjae felt it too as he looked at me. “Guess he accepted, huh?” he asked me and I chuckled. I dropped our hands before speaking.

 

“You made it sound as if you’re proposing to me,” I joked and chuckled and I was expecting him to laugh along with me but there was no laughter so I looked at him to find him staring at me.

 

“What if I am?”

 

“What?”

 

“I said, what if I am proposing to you. Would you accept it?”

 

“Where is this conversation heading?”

 

“Answer me, Hae.”

 

“Of course I will,” I replied and he smiled before pulling my body closer to him and brought our lips together to share a sweet, innocent kiss. When we pulled away, he let our forehead touch and a hand was caressing my cheek so I let my eyes stay close as I felt the warmth of his hands on my cheeks.

 

“I swear I’ll never do anything to hurt you, Hae. I swear in front of your father that I will never do anything to make you cry again. I love you, and only you, got that?” he whispered and my heart felt like exploding from the happiness I am feeling right now.

 

“Yeah. I love you too,” I answered before he pulled away from our embrace to get something from his back pocket. I watched as he produced a rectangular box and he opened it slowly to show me what it contained.

“What’s---”

 

“Happy birthday, baby,” he said, when I didn’t say anything he spoke again. “Don’t tell me you forgot your own birthday?”

 

“I---it slipped my mind,” I admitted and he chuckled as he removed the thing from the box and went behind me where he place it around my neck. When he’s done, he placed a soft kiss on my neck and hugged me from behind.

 

“You’re so adorable,” he whispered and I felt his breath hitting my neck. I let my hand rest on his that’s around my waist as I grumbled.

 

“I told you not to call me that.”

 

“You told me not to call you cute,” he defended.

 

“Aren’t they the same thing?” I asked.

 

“Course not. And besides, why don’t you want to be called that? It’s the truth,” he asked me and kissed my cheek.

 

“Because I don’t want to,” I reasoned out.

 

“I call you that because you are cute and adorable.” Suddenly, he spun me around and we are face to face, and our eyes staring into each other as he added, “You’re my cute and adorable boyfriend.” And I blushed so I looked away, but he caught my chin and leaned in, but before our lips touched, he whispered, “You’re really cute.”Then he kissed me for the nth time in front of my father’s grave.

 

*

 

“Are you really proposing to me?” I asked as he played with the strands of my hair. We’re still beside my father’s grave, with Hyukjae leaning back on the tree and me leaning on his chest as we watched the view of the ocean from the hill.

 

His chest vibrated as he let out a chuckle, “Are you that desperate to get married to me?” he teased.

 

“Whatever. I take back saying I’d say yes if you ever propose,” I huffed.

 

“I was kidding, silly. Of course we’d get married and go around the world for our honeymoon. We will get married, Hae. Someday, we will and when that day comes, it will be the day that I’d be the happiest man alive,” he whispered as he placed his chin on my shoulder and kissed my cheek sweetly.

 

“You’re such a cheeseball,” I said.

 

“You like it,” he retorted.

 

And I didn’t respond to that because it’s true.

 

“Hae? Where do you want to go for our honeymoon?” He suddenly asked.

 

“Why are you asking?”

 

“Just for reference. Tell me,” he replied and I sighed.

 

“Anywhere’s fine as long as you’re there with me,” I answered honestly and looked to the side to peck his lips. He stared at me for a few seconds, before a smile broke his face and kissed me again.

 

“Who’s the cheeseball, now?” he teased and started playing with my hair again.

 

“I was thinking---” Hyuk started again, and I kept quiet as I listened how his voice blended with the sound of the waves and the wind. It was a calming sound.

 

“---after the wedding and the honey moon, we could open up a shop for our living. Nothing fancy, maybe a pet shop since we love animals and all. Choco and Bada would definitely like that. Then, we could have kids. You wanted kids, right? We could have a dozen of them and they’d call you mom and I’d be the dad. And then when we’d have the members be their godparents and then---”

 

“Hold up. Hold up. Why are you planning all that this early?” I asked, trying to hide the blush from the words he uttered.

 

“Well, it’s better to be ready, don’t you think?” he replied nonchalantly and continued rumbling.

 

“Scratch that last part. I think the best god parents would be Leeteuk-hyung, Sungmin-hyung and Shindong-hyung. Since SiWon and KyuHyun were my rivals, I can’t let them near our children since they might corrupt their minds and make them their little devils to snatch you away from me. I don’t think Heechul-hyung and Kangin-hyung are the best god parent material too, since they could influence the kids to be violent. If Yesung-hyung became their godparent, our kids might be weird. Oh, I think KiBum, Ryeowook and Hankyung-hyung are good choices too. Even Henry and Zhoumi. So I guess it’d be---”

 

“Hyukkie?”

 

“Yes,baby?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“And I’d really love you more if you shut your mouth please?” I begged, my ears red from all his words and he chuckled as he can see it. I bet he did it on purpose.

 

“Let’s go?” He offered.

 

“Where to?”

 

“Home,” he replied as I stood up and helped him up as we said our farewell to dad and went back to the car.

 

*

 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

 

Colorful papers are everywhere as soon as I opened my eyes and saw the band and my mother and brother right in front of me; all wearing party hats and big smiles as they all look at our direction.

 

“Is there a children party?” I asked dumbly and was tackled to the ground by all of them as they wished me a happy birthday and whatnot that I got separated from Hyukjae for a while. I didn’t expect that when Hyuk said home, he meant my house here in MokPo. I was actually expecting to be back to the dorms but I was proven wrong.

 

There was music and food on the table and every one are crowding on our living room as they all got a share of my mother’s cooking and the other guys are chit-chatting with my brother.

 

“Happy birthday, son,” a voice sounded beside me and I hugged my mother who patted my back.

 

“Thank you mom. You shouldn’t have thrown a party,” I whispered as we let go.

 

“It was all Hyukjae’s plan, actually,” she told me and I was surprised with this information that my eyes immediately scanned the room to look for a certain primate. And when I spotted him near the sofa, talking with Henry, I smiled and felt my heart beat fast again.

 

“He really loves you, doesn’t he? I take it he got your dad’s permission?” she asked and I turned my eyes at her, as if she knew what I was asking, she naturally added. “He asked me first if he can do it before he went with his plan.”

 

My family knew what HyukJae and I have. At first, they asked for space but after some time, they came to accept. Even my brother. And I guess now, even dad. And I am happy that the people I love accept us.

 

“Thank you,” I told her once again and kissed her cheek. Then, Heechul-hyung emerged from the kitchen holding a chocolate cake with candles lit around it and the lights went out. Everyone started singing happy birthday as they went near me and when they’re done I made a wish,

 

“I wish that we’d be more blessed,” I whispered and blew the candle. But I also made a wish on my head,

 

I wish that HyukJae and I would be together forever.

 

When I lifted my gaze from the cake, they were met by those warm eyes of the HyukJae as he mouthed the words I love you and sent me his precious gummy smile.

 

_________________________________________

 

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