I'm tired of this all... For over three years I've been acting how they wanted me to... My co-workers, boss, parents... I've just tried to make them all satisfied.

But then I realized that I've lost myself.... Something I loved the most became the poison, I was willingly  taking every day, slowly killing me...

I don't know who I am anymore - there are only some torn parts of who I used to be - like feathers left after breaking my wings. 

But then there appeared someone who gave me new feather and a power to start buliding new wings...

They growed quite nicely, but then got hurt badly once again - once again they've given me too much poison. The ones that I hate but cannot hate at the same moment... Thanks to them I could live peacefully and they gave me a tool to reach my dreams. Becouse they demanded the tool to become my dream.

It's funny how many times you must get hurt to realize you are the one letting people use and hurt you. I'm at the point that I've finally realized it.

And thus it's time for me to leave ~~ The moment when I gave the resignation was one of most happy days of my life... Althrough there're still some complications, I'm on my way to set free.

And once again it was possible thanks to the ones who gave me that feather before. As for now I'm really afraid to grow wings again... But I'll try.

Just how is it that you always appear when I need it? And on the other hand, I can feel how are you doing...

Even if we are so far away from each other...

Just wait for me till I'll grow my wings - then I'm definetly coming to see you.

***

I've closed small notebook with feathers printed on cover. I've bought it on the day, when I gave my resignation to boss. I was just passing by the store and seen it... And since the design was nice... 

As there's no other use for notebook in my situation (all notes I'm taking on classes are better to be taken using computer) I just thought that I might write down my feelings there. Maybe that will help me to find myself once again. So far reading what I've written just now - I'm quite insane it seems. Hope it's not showing off too much for people who meet me everyday.

Hiding the notebook between books on the shelf I've left my room and went to help out my mom to take care of my niece and nephews.

***

Kids are sleeping already, my parents as well (I'm the only nightowl in my family) - setting up music quietly I'm working on some artworks for university. But becouse of my work I've kinda lost almost all the feeling I had... But due to the fact I want to keep my scholarship, I'm forcing myself.

Music helps.... Helps a lot. I'm holding on to his voice to keep my sanity and not give up totally...

~~tell me your wish~~

I wish someone would give me back my inspiration....