Part 4

Jaeseop taps his knuckles against the hard surface of the front door, met only by silence, as he bathes under the glow of a nearby streetlight.

It's almost funny how quickly emotions change- how the sun departs in a matter of seconds, transforming day into night. But only almost because Jaeseop finds his vigor disappearing with the hours spent in the cold, dark of what he assumes to be Kiseop's home. And at this point, he really isn't in the mood for jokes or anything really.

The whole scenario didn't quite meet his expectations. Jaeseop didn't catch up to Kiseop, spin him around by the wrist, and comfort him. He only managed to stagger over seconds after the door was slammed in his face, leaving him no choice but to resort to pounding against the surface and calling Kiseop's name repeatedly.

Now, that sounds more realistic than a wild fantasy, but what he doesn't anticipate is three hours this.

And that brings Jaeseop to where he is now: back slumped against the cold metal finishings, head in his hands, sighing loudly as he attempts to think of a strategy.

A strategy. Funny, really, because he, of all people, knows that this isn't a game. This regards a person's feelings, and he already has managed to royally screw up in the course of a mere day.

Jaeseop leans his head back against the door frame, allowing his body to slide down until he finds himself slumped against the cold concrete. His head slumps into his arms and he wipes the invisible sleep from his eyes.

From the beginning this was a very bad idea. He should have thought more about Kiseop's feelings. He should have tried harder. He should have, he should have, he should have...

But he can't now, and there's no real use in thinking about the past, so with a deep sigh and a sudden inner motivation, Jaeseop pulls himself back up on his feet and moves forward.

"Kiseop-ssi!"

"Kiseop-ah, I'm sorry. I was insensitive and wrong, and I didn't think of your feelings. I have no intention of making you forget if that hurts you in any way. I don't want to hurt you so..."

He has no idea what he's saying any more. It must be the late hours, the lack of sleep, or even the stale city air. Jaeseop's mind feels like mush. It's just spurting out whatever it wants, and he's just letting it.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't want to see you in this state anymore, so from now on, I want to make a promise to you." Jaeseop's cheeks flush under the florescent streetlight, and he determines that tonight is much too warm, "I want to promise to you that I'll protect your heart. I'll be here for you whenever you need me. Today, tomorrow, and every other day. Always."

There's still no response. Jaeseop feels half stupid for everything he's said up until this point, even if he means every word of it. Still, it must be the air because he doesn't leave. He places himself against the gravel of the ground, staring up into the stars.

"I promise, I'll build you a new happiness, Kiseop-ah. I'll show you the light."

Thump, thump, thump.

He can't count how many hours he's spent lying awake in bed, just listening to all the sounds. He can hear his heart beating in his ears, and wonders if Jaeseop is still waiting- waiting for him. Kiseop highly doubts it, but the thought itself is flattering so he temporarily amuses himself.

He spends a good time just thinking about, what he likes to excuse as, nothing in particular, which, in fact, is actually something. Feelings, hopes, dreams, he thinks about it all, and realizes that it's been a long time since he's faced his own wants.

Kiseop has been in the dark for too long, and he's tired of it. He misses the light. He wants to be in it. He wants to see. He wants to feel. He wants to breathe.

And then he remembers Jaeseop. Jaeseop and all his stupid, stupid promises that stupid Kiseop can't help but believe, even when his mind screams no. Jaeseop will make him happy. Jaeseop will show him the light because he promised. He promised.

It's a petty assumption- a dumb thing to have faith in, but for some reason, Kiseop does because he just can't deny the longing in his heart. So he looks to the stars for his answers.

The drapes shed from behind him, and he's met with the clouded Seoul sky and the murky lights from above. He finds the brightest one and freezes, as a sudden thought comes to mind.

Kyoungjae. Is this a betrayal? Is hoping a betrayal?

The idea is a newcomer- too new for him to completely process it, so he doesn't and he departs to bed. And strangely enough, he finds himself actually floating to sleep with the drooping of his eyelids. He dreams about Jaeseop, and promises, and light, and apologies. And he has the best sleep he's had in a long time.