Part 2

Jaeseop leads Kiseop to what appears to be a children's sector of his office. It's strange. Kiseop can't deny that he expected more of an effort, but he shakes the thoughts off because thinking, to him, is a poison; any more, and he's afraid he'll truly die.

Jaeseop, on the other hand, believes that this is a solid foundation to start on. He believes that the comfortable atmosphere will make it much easier to converse. He believes that he can thaw both Kiseop's mind and his heart if he makes himself just as open.

Jaeseop believes that he can try.

"Kiseop-ssi," He starts, tone hushed into a gentle whisper, but Kiseop only sees him as a rose: thorns, laced with arsenic, hidden under soft petals. "Who was this Kim Kyoungjae to you?"

Again, there's a flash of something- a memory that makes Kiseop mentally wince as he recalls. Feeling uneasy, he chooses not to answer, and Jaeseop notes that his gaze jumps around the room, never settling completely on any one object.

"How did he die?"

Somewhere in his mind, Kiseop hears sirens, blaring in his ears. He feels the ground caving in below as his knees go weak and he squirms in his seat. He remembers deathly cold words erupting, spoken by none other than himself. Go away, I never want to see you again, Just go die. He remembers it all.

"I killed him."

Jaeseop falters for a second or two. Mouth agape, he stares into Kiseop's dark orbs, and he searches for a trace of the truth, but only finds that Kiseop is dead serious. He means everything he says. And because of this, Jaeseop doesn't know what to do, which is an excuse because he really does know.

Because he believes that he can thaw both Kiseop's mind and his heart if he makes himself just as open.

"You didn't." He intercepts. His gaze visibly darkens and Kiseop thinks that he sees the nighttime sky in those eyes. "You couldn't have stopped him even if you wanted to. You couldn't have known it would turn out like this, and if you think the past is going to come back to you, then you had better stop wishing," The expression he wears softens. "It just doesn't work that way. The past is already gone."

"And why should I believe a word you say?"

A pause. A definite, knowing, all-seeing pause.

"Because I know what it feels like, to have someone there one second and gone the next."

Somehow, Kiseop feels the walls around his heart lowering just a little until he's able to see past them, to the other side of the ocean. Somehow, this is both frightening and exhilarating. Somehow, he feels a jolt in his heart. His lower lip quivers and he thinks he's about to cry. He didn't even know he could cry. But for the first time, he actually stares straight into Jaeseop's eyes. The young man holds his gaze and he feels himself believing, just a little bit.

"What was his name?"

"Kevin."

Kiseop swallows before asking, "And how did he?"

The answer comes swiftly as Jaeseop stares wistfully at this hands. "He just left. Without even so much as a word. I figured I never gave him enough- maybe I never loved him enough- but eventually, I realized that that wasn't it. I just wasn't what he was looking for."

There's a moment of silence between the two filled only by Kiseop's stares of awe and Jaeseop's attempt at finding a comfortable position on chairs that are much too small for either of them. He thinks about calling it a day, but only because he's afraid of having to speak anymore about himself.

Jaeseop may not be depressed but even he has his insecurities, and he fears that if he dwells on the past any longer, it'll become a reality.

Unfortunately, the rest of the day doesn't go as he has planned because within a few seconds, Kiseop's surprise fades and is replaced with a masked curiosity. The young man tries to hide it in an attempt at looking completely blank, but he presses on for details until Jaeseop realizes that he can do nothing more but bare the truth.

So he tells him everything: how he met Kevin in his early years of high school, how he went to every school-sponsored play and musical the boy was in until he finally found it in himself to confess, how Kevin and he discovered a lake on the other side of the town and made it theirs by engraving their names in a nearby tree, and how that was the very same place Kevin left his parting note, reading "don't look for me" and was gone without a trace.

Kiseop listens quietly, giving his own input every now and then and even sharing some of his own memories- an old quiet cafe which Kyoungjae and he deemed their "special place"; a shared dream of one day becoming famous together; every and all of their firsts; and even their first and last fight after a misunderstanding of adultery. And this time, Jaeseop takes the receiving end.

By the end of the day, Jaeseop decides that he has made progress. No, Kiseop hasn't admitted that he had no involvement in Kyoungjae's death, and he doesn't expect him to have. But Kiseop has opened up significantly, and much to Jaeseop's surprise, it appears that they weren't much different.

So by the end of the day, Jaeseop is smiling for real. And by the end of the day, Jaeseop doesn't feel tired or stressed, but excited for the next.

Lee Kiseop really is something.