title: strings

author: escapture

chapters: oneshot

pairing: undetermined

Title: 5/5

Nothing was wrong with it. The title, albeit short and simple, fit well with the context of the story. Good job. This is a fine example of vague titles done right. 

First Impression: 6/10

The quote attracted my attention. But that's the whole point, isn't it? Drawing your readers in through a quote that ties in nicely with your work.

Character Portrayal: 0/20

I can't compare the characters to anyone as both are undefined. But props for avoiding the al heroine and cold city guy cliches. Characterization is realistic, given the situation they're faced with, and I liked how your readers are given the opportunity to get into the protagonists' head.  

Plot: 12/20

Interesting concept, a bit confusing, but interesting. Though I didn't quite understand the overall story. Care to explain? 

Mechanics: 13/15

Your writing is absolutely amazing. I don't usually enjoy stories in first person, due to the poor execution that plagues most, but your work was definitely a pleasant surprise. Though I have to address that some words look like they've been ripped straight out of the thesaurus. The big words you tried using were great, yes, but most sounded strange. Simpler alternatives would have let the readers have a better grasp of the story without having to whip out the nearest dictionary. You used some quotes between paragraphs and I found them really nice, going hand in hand to the story's concept, too. But I'm going to mention how you never failed to describe the male character's eyes. It's a pet peeve of mine, really. It is completely unnecessary to point out the guy's dark black eagle eyes every single time the protagonist steals a glance at him. You can establish that in the beginning, and you don't need to mention how dark, black and captivating his eyes are any more.  

Pace: 2/5

I assumed the two characters were having a nice evening for a moment, and the next, the male character seems to have spun his head 360 degrees. What's happening?

Aesthetics: 4/5

The red font in the description was a bit offputting, but otherwise everything was readable and that's wonderful. 

Writing Style: 7/10

I like that you have this unique way with words. You've made me enjoy first person. Trust me, that's really something. Very few have achieved that epic feat. (Though I doubt anyone can make me enjoy second person, urgh.) Though as I've said before, you need to choose the correct words. Sometimes, a simple word is better than a big-, longwinded complicated  one.

X-Factor: 8/10

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy reading this story of yours. You've pulled me in as a reader through your flowing sentences and befitting quotes. Impressive! 

Total: 57/100