title:

author: boyeojulge

chapters: oneshot

pairing: myungsoo/oc, woohyun/oc

Title: 0/5

It's painfully obvious to the reader what's going to happen. Sometimes, a straight-to-the-point title works, but in this case, it doesn't at all. if a reader doesn't like your context, then they'll brush right past the story without a second thought. but if some element of mystery was added, it's likely readers will be more inclined to give it a go without initial prejudice.

First Impression: 2/10

What I thought; oh look, it's another pwp. True, it was, but with few components involving the characters. I can tell you honestly that the premise wasn't my cup of tea (we'll get into that later.) but otherwise, I could look past it as any other ish, dream-fulfilling story on the site.

Character Portrayal: 2/20

Let's begin with the heroine. She fits the deal for your run-of-the-mill al lead, this time quite literally, innocent, sparkly, with nothing unique to set her apart from the quadrillion other characters like her portrayed in media. Her emotions are all over the place, and it's unrealistic. Her post behavior is uncharacteristic, especially with her willingness to keep to the plans of marrying Myungsoo. She's probably just there to satisfy the desires of fangirls who drearily weep about being by Nam Woohyun. Which is my second point, Woohyun's characterization was a big no. Just.. well no. He seems to me, had you not labelled him as Nam Woohyun, as a burly man, rough and inconceding who longs for nothing more than the affection of his best friend. If anything, the roles should be reversed and the distant Myungsoo should have been the unhealthily obsessed best friend instead of Woohyun, who outwardly presents himself as the greasy boy-next-door. Myungsoo's character just lacks depth. He's just there. He does nothing important. He just exists without better reason. 

Plot: 2/20

Pretty much without a plot. The story revolves around the but nothing much other that is brought to light. Everything else was so vaguely written that to a reader, the main focus was the and nothing more than the . Question time; how could Myungsoo have thought the worst after seeing a dropped photoframe? It's a simple thing, something that could have been brought upon from wind or a faulty nail. And how did Myungsoo find the OC via GPS? Did he have one implanted under her skin or something? Because that would make him creepier than !Woohyun. It would have been more realistic if he had waited a few days, between frantic calls and visits unyielding before assuming anything at all. The thing that perplexed me the most was how Woohyun got arrested within minutes of the . That's not logically possible without an allegation from the victim, or had he been caught with his pants down. 

Mechanics: 5/15

You have decent grasp of the english language, but in some circumstances it seems to me like you've abused the thesaurus. There were many words used in the wrong context, despite the overall story being written pretty decently. Every now and again, I'd stumble upon a tense or spelling error. I'll highlight some sentences that bothered me.

"Little did she knew, a sedative hypnotic called Benzodiazepines, a drug that increases drowsiness and helps people sleep, was mixed into her coffee by Woohyun."

Why are you going into specifics with what drug Woohyun used to spike her drink? There's no point to it at all, unless the drug has a bigger influence on the story, which in this case it does not. You could have specified how the drug took it's toll on the OC, instead of pointing it out. Show, don't tell.

"Jangmi knew little about her odd bodily malfunctions, how she gradually grew drowsier between small sips of coffee and pathetic attempts to upkeep the ongoing conversation with the man sitting before her."

With the sentence that followed, you've written that her brain 'shut'. You probably meant 'shut down', but that's beyond the point. Throughout the duration of the -scene, I was really irked at how you specified the length of Woohyun's . Seven inches? Really? You didn't need to be that specific. When describing appendages, you don't necessarily need to go into minute detail.

Pace: 2/5

Did it all happen in a day? I didn't manage to pick up on the time frame. Point were mainly deducted for Myungsoo's epiphany and Woohyun's instantaneous arrest.

Aesthetics: 3/5

The giant 'header' font in the foreword didn't sit well with me. It made the overall layout messy. But kudos to you for leaving the overall story in readable font- and the poster looks great. (save for the cursive font reading 'love and betrayal' that was a bit odd, but that's just me being nitpicky.)

Writing Style: 4/10

You have plenty of room for improvement, even if you're not, terrible per-se. You should work on wording sentences that flow nicely. Big words aren't absolutely necessary. Just use whatever's best for the context. Don't abuse the thesaurus. You don't always need to begin with a name, or 'he' or 'she'. There are other options out there which through experience, you can easily look into.

X-Factor: 0/10 

The story was nothing special. There were no unique qualities that set it apart to those similar. 

Total: 20/100