title: under the starry night sky

author: greengardenpop

chapters: oneshot

pairing: myungsoo/jiyeon

Title: 3/5

While the title did fit the story, I found it redundant. Instead of Under The Starry Night Sky, the title should've been Under The Starry Sky because it's pretty well established that stars come out at night. 

First Impression: 2/10

Your description is irrelavent. I may not know your actual intentions, but by the way you're putting yourself down it sure looks like you're fishing for compliments from your readers. And I found how you refer to yourself in third person odd and confusing. Oh, and hey, it's Myungsoo. Again. 

Character Portrayal: 6/20

I didn't have much to work on with this. You didn't give the readers any time to mentally bond with your characters, to get to know them and who they are to each other. Through this, Myungsoo and Jiyeon's relationship had no depth whatsoever. The characters were two dimensional and boring. Both existed for no better reason than to accompany each other in their nighttime follies. 

Plot: 2/20

Ridden head to toe with cliches', I found your story reasonably offputting. Not only did I find you moved the story too fast, even for something so short, I lost interest after coming face-to-face with the song lyrics taking up more than half of the story in itself. There was barely a plot; I only picked up on both characters having a night out, Jiyeon sings a song to Myungsoo, probably laced with some form of grandeur sorcery and made him instantaneously fall in love with her.  

Mechanics: 5/15

You didn't have many grammatical errors, which is good. You have a decent grasp of the english language, but should learn how to use bigger words in the correct context. I'll point out some really odd sentences thrown in here and there that either sounded preposterous or didn't make sense. 

"Her face and her eyes lit up like glory."

"The stars blinked, watching them kissing. One of them even blushed as it glowed brightly in red."

What does glory look like? I'd understand fully if she lit up gloriously, but not like glory. Is Glory a person? And with the second, I know you were trying to be figurative and perform some sort of play on the atmosphere, but it didn't work. Stars glowing in red? Cute as you tried making it sound it's almost eerie. 

Pace: 0/5

Hold on, just a minute ago I could've sworn Myungsoo and Jiyeon were just best friends. You can't just flip a magical switch that denounces all awkwardness from situations like these. Everything was so seamless that it devolved into something completely unnatural. 

Aesthetics: 0/5

All I see is brown. The layout is extremely distracting and absolutely unnecessary. It draws a readers' attention away from your words and instead, onto the disorderly clutter that is the tale's backdrop. You would have done fine without it. 

Writing Style: 2/10

Your writing is very basic. You re-use a single sentence structure time and time again. In this case, you'd probably have to look up words to better suit your context, without sounding boring or bending their original meaning backwards. Take the time to look up reasonable words to replace the overly simplistic ones you've repeated numerous times throughout the tale. Speech, you should take the time to study as your characters sound cold, distant and robotic. Almost as if they're rehearsing a script to a nineteenth century play.

X-Factor: 0/10

Nothing special. I'd say it's too short to even be called a story. Those lyrics might be the story's- I can't call it a story, it's more of a drabble, - no, the drabble's focal point but I'm sad to say they just made me lose complete interest in the tale in it's entirety,

Total: 20/100