Epilogue
Gone
I release a steamy breath as i walked the familiar snow covered path on a cold november afternoon.
It's been 5 years...5 years since Kibum's passing. 5 years since my life started to lose its meaning.
No, i didn't move on. I still loved him as if he were here. I haven't let him go. I didn't make an effort to fall in love or move on. I didn't want to.
People used to say that i would move on. That i would forget abouth this as time passes...but i didn't feel the same way. As time passes, i only missed him more. Sometimes, i was even delusional that i see him with a sad smile or simply looking at me.
I got my life back together on the 3rd anniversary of his passing, because it was then that i realized, maybe he would want me to go on with my life, with or without him. He would want me to be happy, even without him.
I let out another steamy breath as i got closer to my destination.
Kids were running around, enjoying the snow and i could almost see Kibum playing a bit with them. A sad smile crept to my face as i blinked back a few of my tears daring to escape.
As i slowly reached my destination, silence started to surround me. The children's laughter ceased, the sounds of cars silenced.
I stopped infront of a pearl white marble stone engraved with pink words. Pink was his favorite color... I chuckled to myself as i take a seat on the snowy ground.
"How are you?..." I caressed the marble stone, blinking back more tears than before.
It were times like this when i visit him that i allow myself to break down and cry. Here i let out all my pain and the agony i've felt since he left.
"I miss you so much baby..." I say in an almost whisper as hot tears started to fall, melting little dots into the snow beneath me.
As if on reply, the cold wind suddenly blew, making it colder than it already is.
"Yah...i'm gonna get frost bites on my and that's what you're gonna do?" I plastered a smile behind my tears.
"I love you Kibum...so much..." I whispered as i let my tears flow freely, not holding them back anymore.
"It hurt so much...it still does...but i'm enduring...for you and for everyone." I let out a shaky breath.
A few minutes of silenced passed before i finally stood up from the ground, dusting off the snow that stuck to my clothes not minding that my hands were freezing.
I slowly walked backwards, a bit hesitant to leave.
A few meters away from his grave, and i was starting to get delusional again.
I could see him. A few centimeters away from me, but this time...he was crying too.
I didn't make a move. I just stood there watching him as he slowly walked towards me, as if he was hesitant to come near.
When he was finally about 20 centimeters infront of me, he smiled. It was a sad smile, but true. I couldn't help but smile back. And suddenly, he came running, wrapping his arms around me. It felt so familiar, so real. Yet maybe, this was just a dream or my imagination.
I tried to hug back but my arms only passed through him, making me feel sad.
When he finally let go, he took my hands in his and smiled at me once again. Slowly, he came near planting a sweet kiss onto my lips, making my tears fall once more as i reminisce on the good feeling of his lips on mine.
"You have to let me go..." He whispered but i instantly shook my head. "I can't...i won't" i said as i continued to shake my head. "Come on jjong...i'll still be alive...in here..." He pointed at my heart. Slowly, i looked up to be met with his pale yet flawless face, smiling at me.
My heart broke as i realized, this may be a dream, this may be my imaginations. Yet...it could also be real.
I hesitated a bit, but slowly, i nodded my head. He only smiled at me, wiping my tears away...
"I love you jjong...and i miss you...so much..." He whispered as tears fell from his face too. I wanted to wipe them away...i wanted to wipe away his tears that were falling and make him smile again. But i can't. I couldn't move. "I love you too Kibum...always..." I replied as he planted another kiss on my lips.
"I'll be watching you...be safe baby...i love you..." He trailed off as he slowly disappeared from sight, as if he was never even here.
I stared into the distance with a sad smile on my face.
"I love you so much..." I whispered, as if he were here, listening to me.
A few minutes passed as i stared at his grave a few meters from me, before i slowly and hesitantly left, making my way home.
It was still freezing, but inside i felt rather warm as i reminisce on Kibum and that short moment i had with him.
After that day, i never saw him again. So apparently, it was real. Seeing him smile at me, or just stare it me, it was him. or his ghost. But still real.
But i still loved him. I loved him with all my heart and soul as if he were still alive. But he was...he was alive in my heart.
But time never froze for me. I lived my life without him and it was painful. But i endured the pain. For my family, for my friends...for Kibum.
I never loved anyone 'til my death...
'til my last breath it was still the diva Kim Kibum...and it will always be him...
always...
THE END!!!
dear gawd that was hard to write............................................
to all who supported this fanfic 'til the very end, THANK YOU SO MUCH! here's a few gifs for all you as a gift (and maybe to brighten up the mood after a sad fanfic)...
i swear i laughed so hard at that gif..................
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