One cold october night, i came home after an extremely tiring day of work and a trip to the mall.

 

My best friend, Onew hyung convinced me to go to the mall, and i have to admit, for a moment, i forgot about my problems. But only for a moment...

 

I fall on my now cold bed, as tears once again fall from my eyes. 

 

I closed my eyes as a flash of flawless and beautiful face came to my head. 

 

My thoughts were disturbed by a vibrating sound from my pocket. 

 

I checked to see who was calling, only to see Kibum's name on my screen.

 

I wanted to answer him. I wanted to hear his voice and tell him to come over. I wanted him to comfort me...to take my pain away. But i moved all my feelings aside and ignored the call. 

 

I layed on the bed as i quietly sobbed. 

 

A few hours passed and i felt much more exhausted than i had when i came home. I didn't bother to shower or even change my clothes. 

 

I once again fell asleep, and dreamed of a world wherein he was still in my arms...a world without this pain. 

 

---

 

I woke up to my phone vibrating once again. At first i ignored it as i wanted to sleep a bit more, but it never stopped vibrating. 

 

I groaned as i picked it up, not bothering to look at the caller ID. 

 

I was met with Taemin's sobbing voice. Lee Taemin was a precious friend of Kibum's since childhood. 

 

"H-Hyung..." He sobbed into the phone, his words a bit slurred. I could sense the sadness in his voice, and with that i immediately shot up, suddenly wide awake. "Taemin? What's wrong?" I asked him, but only got sobs in return. "Lee Taemin tell me what's wrong?!" I said in a stern voice as tears unknowingly fell from my eyes. 

"K-Kibum...hyung he..." he said in the middle of sobs and i immediately jumped out of bed, grabbing my car keys in the process. I didnt bother to dress up or even fix my hair. I just ran out of the apartment with the phone still stuck to my ear. 

 

By the time i reached my car, Taemin still hasn't said anything again. I was starting to shake from worry and fear. 

 

"Taemin...i'll be at Kibum's apartment very soon okay?" I said as i started the car. "Please...hurry..." he said with a tone as if he was pleading. I didn't need to be told twice i sped out of my parking spot and drove the familiar road to Kibum's apartment. 

 

I arrived with the record of 10 minutes. 

 

As soon as my engine stopped, i stormed off to the 5th floor where Kibum's apartment was.

 

There were a lot of paramedics. I didn't know who they were or what they were doing, and i didn't care at all. I just needed to reach my Bummie.

 

I found Taemin sobbing on Kibum's couch alone as he curled up into a ball. I quickly sat beside him and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't even look up and just leaned in to my touch. He seemed to know it was already me. 

 

"Jonghyun hyung...he...hyung he..." he said trying to form words in between sobs. "Where is he?" I asked as tears started to fall. I got no reply. He only gave me a sad look before burrying his head into my chest and sobbing once again. 

 

I needed to know where he was. 

 

"Taemin please...where is he?" I asked again as i gently separated him from me. "b-bedroom..." was the last word i heard from him as i stormed to his bedroom, only to be met with a lifeless body. 

 

More tears filled my eyes, blurring my vision. But i didn't care. I slowly made my way to him, as if careful not to wake him up. I paused as i spotted pills scattered on the bedside table. 

 

I was halfway to his side when somebody held me and told me i'm not allowed here. "Let go of me! i'm his boyfriend and he needs me!" I thrashed around trying to loosen their grip. 

 

After minutes of me thrashing around, they finally give up on holding me back and  let go. 

 

I quickly mad my way beside him and held his cold lifeless hands in mine. 

 

"Baby...please wake up..." I stared at his pale face and held his cold hands. "Please wake up baby...please...." I begged as i kissed his hands, just as he liked. "Please baby...please..." I begged. 

 

When he didn't even move an inch, i started to sob. I layed my head on his chest trying to look for a pulse, but there was none. 

 

More tears started to fall as i sat on the bed and caressed his pale cheeks. 

 

Minutes and maybe even hours passed, but i just sat there beside him. His hands intertwined with mine like a puzzle piece. 

 

"Jonghyun..." Onew's familiar voice shaking me out of my trance. 

 

He looked at me from across the room with sad eyes. I  shook my head, as if i knew what they were going to do. 

 

"Jonghyun they have to..." He said coming near me. "NO!" I screamed at him, holding tighter onto Kibum, who still laid lifeless on the bed. 

 

"Jonghyun please...don't make this hard for us..." He said as he locked his arms around me, trying to separate me from Kibum. "NO!" I sobbed. 

Taemin came and separated my hands from Kibum's. "Hyung please calm down!" Taemin wrapped his arms around me as Onew dragged me to the living room.

 

I landed on the floor and sobbed as Taemin hugged me, trying to comfort me. 

 

A paramedic came and handed Onew hyung a piece of paper. He asked if i wanted to read it, but i only shook my head and continued to cry. 

 

A few minutes later, a stretcher was being wheeled out of the apartment, a lifeless blonde boy laying on it. 

 

I couldnt move. I wanted to chase after him, tell him to wake up. But i never did. I just sat there as Onew hyung and Taemin comforted me. 

 

---

 

The next day, i was back to where i started after our break up. Only, worse.

 

I rarely slept. I didn't eat. I only cried and sobbed.

 

I denied any companionship, be it my mom or Onew hyung. 

 

I lost my only love...he was gone. 

 

I was living reality wherein he was gone and i would never see him again. It broke my heart into a million pieces. 

 

Only once in a lifetime you could find a person like Kibum, yet i lost him. 

 

I let out a broken scream as i gripped on my hair, forcing my thoughts away.

 

---

 

On the day of the funeral, only his parents and close friends were present. 

 

It was a rainy day and we all wore black, making the day even gloomier. 

 

We all had tear stained faces as we said our last words to the diva who was now resting peacfully.

 

"Goodbye umma...thank you so much for all the memories and good times. I hope you'll be happier up there in heaven umma..." after Taemin's last sentence, everything dawned on me. 

 

Kibum was gone. We all didn't know why he did this. But he was gone. 

 

There was no one who would wipe my tears away, no one to call me at midnight because he couldn't sleep, no one to take my pain away. 

 

It was my turn for my last words for him. I stepped forward, taking deep breathes, trying to keep calm and stay composed as i hold back my tears. 

 

"Kim Kibum...i love you. I love you so much it hurts. I'm sorry for being a bastard to you. I wasn't the best boyfriend, but you surely were. YouMre everything i could ever ask for, and maybe even more than what i deserve. Thank you. Thank you for coming into my life. I love you...i love you..." my words faded as i started to sob. 

 

Onew hyung pulled me back and wrapped his arms around me as i continued to sob into his chest. 

 

He was truly gone. 

 

Time passed and everyone left. 

 

Everyone but me. 

 

I stayed. Despite the heavy rain and deafening silence, i stayed. 

 

I continued to cry, my sobs turning to soft hiccups as i stared at where Kibum was burried. He was six feet under the ground now...so far away from me...

 

I started to sob again as i forced myself to walk away. 

 

He wouldn't want me to get sick...

 

I turned around one last time. I don't know if it was real or if i'm going crazy, but i saw him. I saw Kibum standing on his own grave, waving at me with a sad smile.

 

Something in me wanted to run to him and see if it was real, but i didn't. I simply stared, smiled at him and mouthed the words 'i love you' until he disappeared. 

 

 

 

 

---

yay for the first chapter!~ i actually have written everything already and a few people have read it too. But im too lazy to update and im really REALLY sorry about that x( 

school is also starting in a while. When school starts, updates will be much slower than they already are. I promise to write and update as much as i can. I PROMISE. 

hope you guys liked the first chapter so far x( i know there are things that are a bit unclear etc. but please bear with me x( i wrote the first chapter at like 4am x) lmao