*Miel’s point of view

Saying goodbye to someone you love most would be like saying hello to the devil and begginghim to take you to hell, where the pain would be bearable unlike the feeling you have now. Why won’t the devil appear to me now? Take me away to place where the fire burning every part of my body would fill in this feeling I have and I would be thankful, so thankfulfor it.

As Hyunjoong, my boyfriend of 2 years, stepped into the plane and vanishes in the thick clouds my life crumbles before me. I had my every first with him-except the “act”. My family has a thing for having premarital . And that thing was passed onto me. They’re the most traditional family ever.

Everyone was looking at me as I walked out the departures, to the lobby and eventually to the parking. I guess having your whole face redas a tomato and full of tears wouldn’t be normal at a time like this since Christmas has just ended and New Year’s Eve is tomorrow.  Maybe they’d understand if they had they’re heart ripped out and torn into a thousand pieces.

I grasped the steering wheel so tightly that it would have brokeif I exerted more force. I haven’t cried my eyes out like this since the time I lost my grandmother to cancer, and that was when I was 10 yrs old. I’m 19 now, in college and supposedlyhaving the time of my life. Well, I was having a blast until I got the news that my boyfriend’s parents were offered jobs at a place I couldn’t even pronounce and that they needed to move there ASAP!

As I was reminiscing the days I enjoyed my teenage life I didn’t notice my cell phone ringing. I flipped open my cell phone to see who’s calling. No surprise, it was my best girlfriend Camille. Although we hang out together everyday, I was relieved to see her name in my phone under the word calling.

I tried to calm myself and practiced for a second a nice, not miserable voice.

“Hey Camille! What’s up hotness?” eeer, I hope my practicing pays off.

“Oh my gosh Miel, are you okay? You sound not so good.” She asked in a worried voice. I guess I could have done better with not sounding so miserable.

“I’m fineCamille, seriously. He’s just a guy. I could find a-my voice cracked as I said the word-new guy in no time.” That was a mouthful. Of course I wouldn’t be able to find a new guy since HyunJoong wants to keep in touch even though he’s really far. He wants to make things work but knowing myself I wouldn’t last. I would miss him too much that I would be tempted to jump in a plane and live with him even withoutmy parents’ consent.

“No you’re nothoney, where are you anyway? I’d come get you.”  Ugh. And knowing Camille she won’t let me out of her sight. So jumping to a plane and live with Hyunjoong would be crossed out of the list. I have to be creative in making my plans.

“I’m still at the airport. I’m in my car at the moment and if we don’t end this conversation I won’t be able to get home. Just come over my house if you want, I pretty much won’t be out that much since I’m too depressed.” Telling her I’m depressed that much isn’t the best idea. But she’s my best friend she’d know eventually.

“Aww honey. Okay, call me when you get home. I’d bring chocolates and fries. See you soon.”

“Okay, love you hotness.” I hung up and started the engine. Driving at the state that I am now might not be a good idea but I have no choice. Its not like some Edward Cullen would jump in my roof and drive me home like what he did with his Bella, cuddle her when she feels sad and save her from evil vampires that is attracted to her scent. I wishguys like him exists. Guys that would loveyou they’re whole lifetime and won’t ever leave you. But I guess believing in a myth is kind of pathetic.

I was surprised to see my house just inches away. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get home in one piece. Well, I wishedI didn’t get home in one piece.

I’m afraid to let my family see how the whole “my boyfriend is moving somewhere far” issue is doing to me. I told them what I told Camille, that I would be fine and id move on soon.

I walked through the front door not making any sound that would attract the eyes of my whole family. They were all at the kitchen making dinner I guess.

“Mom, dad! I’m home! I’d be at my room.” After I announced that I’ve arrived I hurried to my room and slammedthe door shut giving everyone in the house the notion that I didn’t want any conversation at the moment.

As a lay on my bed, face first in the pillow I remembered Camille saying to callher when I get home. My mind’s telling itself to call her but my fingers didn’t want to dial her number. I’m afraid of the fact that she might see me this miserable. That someone might pity me. I don’t need anyone’s sympathy right now. What I need is peace, quiet and Hyunjoong. Oh God Hyunjoong why did you have to go?

The morning sun woke me up the next morning. It was 6 in the morning. Who wakes up at 6? Oh right, it was New Year’s Eve. And ugh, right. I have no boyfriend now. Someday I’d get used to that, someday.

I checked my cell phone for messages and saw 10 messages. 9 were from Camille and the other one was from Hyunjoong. All 9 messages from Camille said to call her back soon. I hesitated to hear Hyunjoong’s message. But I wanted to make sure he was safe and that everything is okay.

“Hey Miel, I hope everything’s okay there. Don’t do anything stupid okay? We’ve arrived at our new house here and its nice but my house near you was better. I already miss you and I love you. Take care for me alright?”

I hope I didn’t have heard that. His words were stabbing through my whole body and are killing me inch by inch. My morning is ruined totally.

I went straight to the bathroom and took a nice 15-minute bath. Changed into clean clothes and headed straight for the front door. A walk sounds good at the moment. Anything sounds better at the moment. I would have to evade every conversation with my family so that they wouldn’t get worried.

As I walked through the sidewalk with lots of firecracker vendors blocking the way I saw everyone’s face looking all so happy. I couldn’t help but think; maybe if I study their faces very well I’d be able to copy their facial expressions.

“MIEL! OMG MIEL!” I was over analyzing everything that I didn’t hear Camille calling me from across the street. As promised she has with her chocolates in one hand and fries on the other. Other people might think the combination of those two would taste weird. But for us it’s just perfect.

Having Camille over almost everyday, keeping me company made it easier for me to go through the remaining five days of our Christmas vacation. And tomorrow, classes would be starting again.

There are many things that I’d have to get used to now that Hyunjoong isn’t here anymore. One is the fact that he wouldn’t be coming to pick me up everyday so we could go to school together and that he wouldn’t be my seatmate anymore. The seat next to me would be vacant. Yeah, I’d have to get used to that.

As I entered our classroom, everyone greeted me with smiles that distinctly show a sign of concern. I guess everyone would want to ask me how I’m doing. I shouted “Ah, good morning. Jebus! Classes again. More time for sleeping for me.” I heard a faint sigh of relief from everyone after hearing the words that came out of my mouth. I guess I fooled everyone with my, -I’m fine, so don’t ask any more- speech. I’m so grateful to have classmates that are actually worried about fellow classmates. Without them I think I’d be a loser in this big of a school.

I would be lying if I say to myself I’m not waiting for Hyunjoong to come through that door and sit beside me. Ah, even after those days with Camille I still can’t stop thinking about Hyunjoong. I guess heartbreaks really last for a long time. Or as Camille said, heartbreak lasts for a long time or until someone new arrives immediately. But with the rate I’m going now, I guess it’ll last until Hyunjoong comes back.

I didn’t even notice the teacher come in; my sulking has gone way beyond reality. Since I’m in school, I decided that since Camille wouldn’t be able to be my side to comfort me, paying attention would be the best way to not think about unhappy things.

“We would be having a new student for the rest of the school year,” the teacher said. I guess I missed the part where we greet the teacher. Ah, my sulking powers have really exceeded my expectations. “he has been studying in the US for the past 5 years, and now he came to the Korea to continue studying for college.” Oh, a guy, a foreigner to be exact. I couldn’t help but think of Camille during these times. She’d be fussing about guessing what the new student would be like at this moment if I were with her. I could hear her saying to me “Maybe he has blonde hair since he’s a foreigner and stuff.” But I couldn’t care less. Because the fact that he’s a foreigner made me think about Hyunjoong being in a far away place. I guess it just made me sad to think that Hyunjoong now is a foreigner just like the new student. The teacher continued his introduction of the new student, “His name is Jaejoong Kim. Please help him cope with our environment easily.” Oh he’s Asian, Korean to be exact. A foreign Korean student, I kinda laughed on my own on that thought. How can a Korean be a foreigner? So I guess he’d look the same as anyone here. I can hear Camille’s sigh of frustration and couldn’t help myself from giving off a faint laugh.

“What’s so funny?” My eyes widened as I heard a guy’s voice from my right side, the side where Hyunjoong seated. It can’t be! “HYUNJOONG?!”  to my shock I saw no Hyunjoong beside me. The eyes may be the same, but I’m sure of it. The guy beside me is not Hyunjoong. All I could see was his lips moving, no words were coming out. I was too deep in thought, just too heartbroken that Hyunjoong wasn’t beside me.

“Are you alright?” oh words, I’m actually hearing words now. Thank goodness. I should say something. Say sorry for mistaking him for someone else. “I’m sorry, I was in my own world when I heard your voice and I mistook you for the person who used to sit there.” I guess there was no other seat besides the seat beside me. I didn’t want the seat beside me to be taken by someone else. I want the seat to be Hyunjoong’s alone. But it couldn’t be helped. He’s not coming back. I can’t blame the new student, he didn’t have no other choice but to take Hyunjoong’s seat. I guess I’d give him a fake smile for reassuring that I’m fine.

“Your smile, I could feel unhappiness behind your smile. And you didn’t answer my question actually, are you okay?” This guy, what’s with him? He actually read through my fake smile. Everyone that has seen my fake smile actually believed that I’m happy, except this guy. I couldn’t help to stare at him with shock written all over my face. I guess lying would be no use since he has seen through me already. “Actually, I’m not alright. Thanks for your concern.” It actually feels good to tell someone what I’m really feeling. I feel so exhausted for making everyone believe I’m alright when I’m not

“I knew it, oh well. You may think I’m being too nosy if I ask you what’s wrong so I wouldn’t. I guess I’d start by getting to know you better, and after knowing you better I’d ask you and I’d try my best to help you with your problem.” He replied, giving off a smile. A smile that warmed my heart, made me feel a little better. I nodded, and for the first time since Hyunjoong left, I actually was able to smile a sincere smile. The smile that I thought I wouldn’t encounter anymore.

“That smile, was sooo much better. You should smile like that more often; my heart skipped a beat when I saw your sincere smile. Oh, I haven’t introduced myself. Hello, I’m Jaejoong Kim. I’d be sitting beside you from now on.”

 

*Jaejoong’s point of view

I couldn’t help but notice her nice smile, her true smile. Not the one that she has been faking. I can’t help but wonder what it is that has turned her genuine smile to something fake. And why am I so drawn to her. Why do I feel concerned with what she’s thinking and what has caused her pain. This is the first time that I felt this. I guess it was because of the fact that she couldn’t care less about me.

It was good that she didn’t recognize me. Although I know I had just debuted and not everyone would know my face. But this is the first time that someone actually didn’t have interest in me.

“You look like someone I just watched on the TV,” a girl beside Miel blurted out. I guess not everyone’s like Miel, “someone who just debuted but who knows. Maybe he just really looks like you. And you’re really good looking btw. I’m Camille. –OUCH! Yah Miel! How can you kick me on the shin like that?!” Haha! Miel just kicked her on the shin. I guess they’re really close. Miel looked at me with a sorry-embarrassed look.

“Yeah, maybe I just look like him.” I told them. Maybe in time they’d realize I’m actually from that group that had just debuted, Dong Bang Shin Ki.