Broad, is pressed to his burning chest, his own hands pressing the other body closer to him, securing it, not letting it go.
For a moment Minho’s mind is a blur, as he tries to remember why he feels a strange kind of déjà-vu. His embrace tightens as the images of the last night slowly creep into his consciousness.
This time, he’s not going to leave.
His firm hug makes the latter stir in his sleep, and then turn around, so that he’s facing Minho while rubbing his eyes. He hums lowly and then slowly, lazily opens his eyes, widening them immediately when he sees the boy embracing him. His expression is so endearing that Minho can’t help a soft chuckle leaving his lips.
Jinki scans his face unsurely, a bit nervously; he swallows and shifts, but Minho’s arms somehow can’t let go of him.
Eventually, he sighs and locks his eyes with Minho’s once again. He’s so close that the other boy can count his eyelashes, see each por on his face, every wrinkle on his lips. Somehow, his heart swells.
“I’m still dreaming, apparently” are the first words that Jinki mutters, his gaze never leaving Minho’s. The other one giggles again.
“From what I know, no, you’re not” he replies with a wide smile on his face, his heart aching a bit as he realizes why Jinki thinks he’s not awake.

Jinki hesitates for a moment; Minho can see it in the way the other’s eyes move lower from his eyes, and then up again. Then he his lower lip, frowning slightly, as his gaze sets somewhere under Minho’s nose and stays there. He swallows slowly.
And Minho feels absolutely terrible for making him feel so insecure.
One of his arms comes up, fingers skimming over Jinki’s cheek as he leans closer, closer, closer, smiling reassuringly as he catches the glimpse of insecurity on the latter’s face, finally letting their lips touch softly.
He wonders why it feels so unfamiliar if it’s not the first time; why those lips fit perfectly to his, why they’re so real, so tempting, so addicting, when he realizes it’s the first time they kiss without him having to drink half a bottle of something strong. It’s the very first sober kiss they share and it’s a bliss.
It lasts barely few seconds, Jinki pulls away a little out of breath; the kiss caught him by surprise. Come to think of it, it’s not like Minho planned to do it either. But there’s just something unspoken between them, it takes a flicker, a shudder, a simple and instinctive gesture and the other knows exactly what’s going on.
It frightens Minho in a way- what frightens him even more is Jinki’s smile after he pulls away.
A sincere, ear-to-ear, incredibly shy but so happy smile that if the circumstances were anyhow different, Minho wouldn’t hesitate and just pin the other to the bed and devour him again and again until they’d both collapse.
He feels his lips twitch to form another smile, though on the inside he’s squirming in fear. What’s he supposed to do now? Spur of a moment is never a good explanation, is it?
Besides, was it really a spur of a moment?...
Apparently, Jinki trusts him enough to believe that he’s not going to run away in a split of a few seconds, that he’s not going to say anything as cheesy and cruel as “sorry, it was a mistake, not happening again”. He doesn’t trust him enough to let all the traces of insecurity fade from his face, but still he’s not anymore hesitant when he slowly sits up (sliding Minho’s firm arms off him), announcing that he’s going to take a shower. Minho can only nod, reluctantly detaching his hands from the other’s body. As the bathroom’s door finally shuts, he sighs heavily and extends his hand, to grab his mobile phone.
2 missed calls.
Wait.
Two?...
Both are from Taemin, of course, Minho notices with a faltering pang of guilt. Both from yesterday. No voice message, no text message. Only two missed calls.
Feeling as his fingers begin to tremble, he dials Taemin’s number. It takes two seconds for the other to pick up.
“Minho?” he asks, his voice so distant, shaking slightly and Minho feels uneasy.
“… yes, Taeminnie. It’s me.” he replies, running his fingers through his hair. He can feel first drops of sweat forming on his forehead.
“Oh my God, are you insane?! Why didn’t you pick up?! Do you realize how worried I was?!” the sudden outburst of anger surprises Minho. He stares at the phone for a moment and then says slowly:
“… Taeminnie. You called me twice. I called you at least twenty times and sent you about ten messages. And the only response I got was a message from your Japanese friend. Who do you think should be the worried one?” he doesn’t sound judging or harsh, not even the slightest. He’s still too shocked by the amount of anger in the younger boy’s voice.
“So what?! You think that if I called you only twice it means that I care less?!”
That makes Minho frown.
“Actually, I do.”
A pregnant silence falls between the two of them. Minho can hear Taemin’s breathing becoming heavier and heavier and more erratic and he knows he’s close to crying.
Well, Minho’s too. But he has to hold back.
“… sorry, okay? I’m sorry. But you should be, too. I… damn it, don’t ever scare me like this again.”
Minho nods though he knows the other can’t see it.
“I won’t. I promise.”
“Good. Then, I, uh” he hears Taemin pause to swallow and sigh “I’ll just— I have lessons in a few. Talk to you later.”
“Yeah. Talk to you later, Minnie.”
He doesn’t even have time to think of what he’s just heard and said, because in front of him there stands freshly-showered, just dressed Jinki with a shy expression on his face, as if he doesn’t want to interrupt but also wishes he knew what was it all about.
“Was it your friend?” he finally asks, his voice unsure and questioning.

“Yes. It was Taemin. He flew to Japan again yesterday and didn’t answer any of my calls, when I wanted to make sure he arrived safely.” Minho shrugs and watches Jinki; his broad arms, slim, but not skinny figure; his marked neck and a bit-too-long hair. He sets his sight on Jinki’s eyes and he sees the guy hesitating once again; he seems to ponder on whether to sit on the bed beside Minho or not.
“… I see. But, he’s okay?” he finally responds, obviously fidgeting unsurely. Minho fights the urge to just pull him into a tight hug. He looks so endearing and vulnerable, biting his lip like that, glancing shyly at the other (still pretty much bare) boy.
“Yes. Yes, he is. I have nothing to worry about” he says, eyeing the latter softly, hoping that he gets the hint.

(Nothing to worry about. Sure thing. Really funny.)

He does, and a moment later he sits down at the edge of the bed. Minho almost chuckles at the shyness of the other boy. Almost.
Because somewhere deep inside he knows what makes him act like that. He’s scared, he thinks that Minho might not be entirely sure as if he really made the right choice staying another night with him, therefore he doesn’t push him.
That actually clenches Minho’s heart. He doesn’t want to make the other insecure, he wishes to reassure him of—
Of what, exactly? What can he reassure him of if the only thing he knows is that he’s going to hate himself again in a matter of time? What does his reassurance mean?
There’s one thing he can reassure Jinki of, though.
And it’s the fact that he actually doesn’t not care.
So he does what he’s been restraining himself from- extends his arms and pulls Jinki into a tight embrace, laying down and pulling the other boy on top of him, his face on his chest. It’s warm, warm and so solid, so overwhelming—

Don’t get too attached don’t get too attached don’t get too attached don’t get too attached

Jinki’s voice breaks the silence finally.
“Breakfast?” he asks silently, hope evident in his voice. But Minho shakes his head.
“I can’t” he says, feeling horrible at the feeling of the other’s smile faltering. “I still have some things to do. But, I won’t protest for the lunch later” he adds, and feels the other’s heart pick its pace.






They meet everyday, way more often than ever before. Sometimes, Minho spends the night at Jinki’s- they don’t sleep together (Jinki is always reluctant as if to make the first step, always leaving the initiative to the other boy; Minho doesn’t want to get more attached than he already is), but they cuddle each other to sleep and wake up in each others’ arms. Minho feels it’s wrong, he knows it is, God, he knows it and he hates himself for doing it all, but he can’t possibly hurt the other at this point. He can’t hurt Taemin either.
What the hell is he supposed to do?
Maybe I should just kill myself, he thinks. The problem would be solved.
But it takes one glance at Jinki’s sleeping, relaxed face to feel the guilt sink in his gut.
One thing is certain- it can’t stay like this forever. Sooner or later, he’ll have to draw a line between him and Jinki. He’ll have to slowly detach himself from the other boy. He’ll have to let him know that they’re not going to work.
Sometimes he wishes he had two hearts.






you goddamn frogalien give me my cd back or i’ll castrate you
Minho reads the message out aloud with his head laying on Jinki’s lap, as they watch some lame gag show. The message makes Jinki laugh.
“Who will?” he asks, his cheerful voice vibrating through Minho’s body.
“Jonghyun” Minho mutters in reply, already starting typing a 'don’t you dare you romantic midget' “he borrowed me an album by some Chris Isaak and now he wants it ba—“
“Chris Isaak?!” Jinki exclaims in excitement, making Minho’s head jump on his lap. Minho’s fingers stop typing as he stares up at the very much hyper boy.
“… yes. Why?”
“Have you actually listened to that album he borrowed you?” there’s so much anticipation in this tone that Minho wonders if not giving the cd a try was a good idea.
“Not exactly, no. Usually I’m not too fond of the music he recommends me.” he admits finally, noticing slight disappointment painted on Jinki’s face.
“You must be kidding me. I mean— you know ‘Wicked Game’, right?”
Wicked game?
Minho knows the meaning of the ‘wicked’ word, being the comic nerd he is, he also knows what ‘game’ is.
But he has no idea what is this song that Jinki’s talking about.
Apparently, it shows on his face, because Jinki starts to sing it.
And God, Minho has never felt so shocked and speechless in his entire life.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
No, I don't want to fall in love, this world is only gonna break your heart, with you

He’s not too good at English but the lyrics are not too difficult for him. He understands pretty much everything that Jinki sings- hell, he actually understands it, not only gets the meaning of the words, but he feels the song, feels the entire concept of it, hears Jinki’s emotions poured into the beautiful melody—
It all stops too soon for his liking; he parts his lips as if to speak, but no words come out. Jinki smiles.
“So, do you know this song?”
And he can only his lips and stare.
“Give me a minute” he mumbles, his trembling fingers typing a message to Jonghyun.
off dino head, ain’t no way i’m giving you this album back





He becomes simply obsessed with the album, especially with the song that Jinki sang to him. Especially when he finally listens to it whole. Especially when the first chorus “I don’t want to fall in love” changes into “And I want to fall in love with you.”
It’s the first time he ever cries to a song.





Unsurprisingly so, he’s at Jinki’s, when his phone rings and Taemin’s name with a heart shows on his mobile. He’s told to take him home from the airport.
Jinki wonders if he could maybe come with Minho, but the other kindly explains him that it’s not the best idea, because Taemin is probably really tired after the flight and also he’s very shy (God don’t let them ever meet I beg you) so it’s better if Minho goes alone.
Jinki understands and trusts him as Minho hugs him briefly for goodbye and walks away.
The moment Minho sees Taemin- flushed, smiling, happy Taemin- he knows that the sweet idyll has come to the end. Now, he can only wait for hell to begin.




________________________

A/N:

IT'S RAINING SO BEAUTIFULLY I WISH I COULD JUST GO OUT AND SOAK IN THIS RAIN but my parents would kill me if I did that so I'll just open the windows and breath in this amazing scent.
Ah, and you probably know 'Wicked game', either Chris's or H.I.M's version ^^" I first heard H.I.M cover and immediately fell in love with this song (and the fact that I was in love with Ville Valo had nothing to do with that) but ever since I heard the original one, I can't get enough of it. I dare to say it's one of the most beautiful songs and videos ever made.
Here you go if you haven't seen/heard it yet: