One-Shot

Life's Contradictions

Sometimes the only way to stop hurting… is to stop breathing.

There was that girl again, always wearing her dark navy blue, long sleeved shirt.  With her white baseball cap fastened on her head, she pressed her lips into a smile at the convenience store owner and dashed off.  To where?  No one would know.  It could be anywhere.  The smile lingered on her face as she cupped her plastic bowl of freshly made instant noodles.  She carried the bowl into her apartment complex, her sleeves long enough to cover her palms from the hot contents of her bowl.

The silence was deafening, only filled by the eerie sound of her footsteps and the faint flickering of the lights in the hallway.  The complex was cheap, the building was ready to be broken, but that wasn’t the only thing on the verge of falling.  This little girl with the dimpled smile waddled up towards her favorite place in the building, placing grins on those who saw her as they passed her by.  Her favorite place wasn’t her own apartment, it wasn’t the cafeteria, nor was it the garden.  Her hat covering a good block of her vision, she kicked over the rusting metal door that separated her from her private place.

She breathed a sigh, her smile slowly diminishing as she made way to the edge, her eye on the high sun.  As she ate, her stomach growled viciously, giving her something to chuckle over.  That amusement was short-lived.  Silence took over once more, and only brought this girl to be conscious of it.  She played with her food, her elbow supporting her as she sent the food to different ends of the bowl.  As if that would stop time, she placed all her attention on that task.  As if it would change anything, she placed all her focus into playing with it.  Her pushes became harsh.  Her s became too forceful.  Maybe this represented life.  She didn’t grow up to be this.  She stopped; her eyes wide with her own thoughts.  With a slow slurp she tossed the plastic into a bin that was in the corner and walked back to the middle of the railing, marked with blotches of red of the cement that her feet rested over.

Some say there were murders and some tell that there was a fight every week.  Yet this girl knew they were just rumors.  She put no faith in rumors.  She glanced at the setting orange-pink sun, heaving a sigh as she hooked her hands into her jacket and pushed forward.  Now her gaze was on the cars below her; on the distance from the ground.  She juggled the thought in her mind.  She bit her tongue and took a step forward, as if to challenge herself.  Her foot now rested on the cement that lay below the low red metal pipes that prevented her from falling.  She put force into that leg before giving out, sending her back onto the rooftop with a look of discontent.  A frown.  Her smile was no longer on her face, nor was there any trace of it.

Her hands still hooked in her pockets, she leaned over the railing once more.  She looked at the cars and street below her and thought.  Hard.  She hissed at her second failed attempt.  The sun was setting, now barely touching the buildings in the distance.  She felt cold.  Her hands were cold.  She looked into the distance, silently pleading, hoping someone would hear her mute screams.  The wind whipped her, her cheeks now a rosy pink.  The small girl with the baseball cap bowed her head.  A tear fell to the ground, darkening that small portion of the stain of red.

Her hands shaking, she reached deeper into her pocket, her fingers now grazing the object she had earlier refused to touch.  The object she promised she’d never use again.  Yet that was a continuous promise she left to be broken.  Like all promises, this one was just meant to be broken.

She stands there with her eyes unfocused, mind unable to think.  Within the time frame of a second, her body begins to shake uncontrollably with hurt.  She begins to cry in pain.  She shouted for help, she shouted for comfort, yet no one came to her rescue.  No one could possibly save her from the hurt she felt – from the confusion and mixed feelings she had.  She wanted to be alone, yet she wanted someone to come after her.  She wanted to scream at the world yet she wouldn’t bring the words to do so.  She wanted to hate others, yet she could only hate herself.  She wished for a better life as she closed her eyes.  She closed her eyes to picture something worth living for as the tears continuously tricked down her red cheeks, which had been that way thanks to the wind.  She found darkness.  She took that as a sign of nothing as she opened her eyes, disappointment in her system.  Nobody would come to her, to give her what she wanted.  She wanted to be selfish and get this herself, but she couldn’t muster up the daringness to do so.

Her light brown hair blew in the air and stuck to her face, attracted to the hot, poisonous tears that rained down.  The clock ticked.  She didn’t know what to do.  She was numb, too far into her pain and sadness.  She wanted one thing now.  She had done it numerous times before.  In a flash she took the object in her pocket into her grasp.  A harmless object when sheathed.  She flipped a button.  Instantly the object was deadly.  The girl with the long sleeved shirt held the object up to her eye view, examining it.  Now she saw her reflection.  In the blade’s eye, she saw a strong girl, one with fierce eyes and determination – a girl with dreams and determination.  What she saw was human.  She sobbed, staring at the reflection.  She tried to convince herself that was what she was.  She tried to convince herself that she was okay. 

She was a person of a dark nature.  Everyone was.  She was one who let her dark nature control her, but is that really her dark nature? – Of course not.  It’s human nature.  It is human nature to let your thoughts control you, to let your emotions blind you, to let your will drive you.  However it’s your choice whether you’re one to let that darkness tell you to do everything.  Its lethal whispers convincing you, its deadly cooing winning you, its malicious lies pushing you forward with such force you asked for your own destruction.  Human nature was morbid.  A disease the human race would never be cured off.

The petite girl with the light hair pulled back her long sleeve, only to gape at the scars that were still visible.  Thin slits they were, but memories too large to bear, they held.  She nearly dropped the knife, shouting at herself over and over to stop this.  But her drive to follow through with this was too great.  Her free hand came loose from her pocket and slammed into the cement.  A jolt of pain shot up her arm and left her knuckles tingling with pain.  She let out a muffled cry of agony.  Then the pain subsided, leaving only the thumping of her pulse.

She held the blade up to her white wrist, her eyes on the lines of blue, green and purple.  The first slice she winced.  The second, the pain only increased.  The third, her face showed no emotion.  The forth, tears began to flow once more, and her face contracted.  The fifth, the dark red liquid finally reached the ground, re-staining the place it had been before.  Her body twitched, trying to convince her to stop.  But by now, her mind was lost and was separated from her body.  The blade dug into her skin, and she whimpered at the pain, only to take shaky breaths when the pain faded.  She kept going, savagely hurting herself.  Her expression showed determination.  Her expression showed pain.  Her expression showed her lost hope.  Then there was no expression to show.

Then her wrist was grasped.  She gasped in pain at the salt from the figure’s hand.  The natural saltiness of the other’s skin shot numerous bunches of pain up her arm, torturing her.  She then pried her eyes open, seeing a flash of red before she saw the other’s face.

“Tiffany-sshi?” She whispered in shock, letting the bloodied blade fall to the floor.

The other kept a straight face.  She bent down to pick up the fallen weapon and let go of her wrist, blood ranging from bright red to dark nearly-black liquid on her palm and fingers.  Tiffany held the knife in her right hand and held up her left.  The girl with the white hat looked at the other, wide-eyed, wondering what she was up to.  Before she could even understand what was going on, the redhead the blade into her own skin, her wrist now the same hue as her fiery hair.  Immediately, the long-sleeved girl jumped forward, a sudden splurge of energy fueling her, “What are you doing?!” She snapped.

Tiffany met her eyes with no expression, merely lifting her wrist so the other could see.  She held it high, holding it next to her face, “What are you doing, Taeyeon-sshi?”

Now the tables were turned and Taeyeon was rendered wordless.  What could she say?  What would she say?  She couldn’t come out and bluntly answer that she was trying to end her life once more.  However Tiffany had already caught her, so why not?  Was it really something to be ashamed of?  The clock ticked and Tiffany chucked the knife to a random corner of the rooftop.  Then she turned and looked the latter in the eye, dead serious.

“What were you trying to do earlier?  Jump off this building?” She asked, jutting her chin towards the edge in which the other had leaned over before.

Taeyeon was stuck again.  The pain in her wrist was no longer noticeable, and her free hand had unconsciously clamped over the wounds.  Tiffany sighed; bring her right arm to her left shoulder and ripping a good large portion of her sleeve.  She then stepped forward; making an obvious attempt to cover Taeyeon’s wound.  The blonde jumped back, shouting protests.  Yet Tiffany continued.

The white capped girl yelled, tears wetting her face again.  Isn’t this what she wanted?  For someone to care about her?  Yet she rejected it.  She tried to push her away.  Tiffany stopped, her arms falling limp to her side with the strip of fabric in grasp.  Taeyeon anticipated her next move, and looked at her face to find any expression.  She found none.

Tiffany simply tucked the fabric into her pocket and took several steps towards the railing.  Taeyeon took this as a normal action, disappointed at her lost care, which she had pushed away.  Yet when Tiffany placed a foot on the railing, Taeyeon stepped forward to grasp her arm.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

“I’m doing what you were going to do,” she said calmly, “I’m going to jump.”

Taeyeon pulled on her arm, so hard that she had almost toppled over when Tiffany came back to her.  The long sleeved girl looked at the redhead for an explanation, but almost instantly, Tiffany had begun to wrap Taeyeon’s hand in the fabric.

“I have all the reason to jump as you do.  So if you die,” she paused, looking up and meeting Taeyeon’s eyes, “I’ll die as well.”

Taeyeon looked into those dark brown orbs and she broke.  Finally she had broken.  She looked into her eyes and saw genuine concern.  So in a shaky voice, she spoke, “But you’re just my neighbor.  You’re saying you’d die with me, when we barely know each other?  You don’t even have a reason to kill yourself--”

“Neither do you,” Tiffany replied, “no one does.  It’s life to feel down and to feel depressed.  But if you feel as if you have the reason to jump, by all means, go ahead; I’ll be right behind you.  I have all the reason to kill myself as you do, you don’t know my life.  You don’t know the pain I hide; you don’t know anything about me.  But if I share more in common with someone I barely know than my closest friends, what other reason do I have?  Now what are you doing to do, Taeyeon-sshi?  Let yourself bleed out and die, along with I, who will jump off this building if that were to happen?  Or will you let me help you and save the both of us?”

Her words hit Taeyeon hard.  She didn’t know how long she had been staring into her face, but Taeyeon was brought back to reality by her emotions.  She was overjoyed someone cared for her.  She was mad Tiffany was restricting her.  She was relieved she was still living.  She was upset she hadn’t finished the job sooner.  She was tired.  She fell into Tiffany’s arm that, to her surprise, supported her.

She closed her eyes.  Now she found something to live for.

Maybe the only way to stop hurting… was to keep living.

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This is like the most depressing thing I have ever written.  Well this is really how dark I can be.  Well actually, my original version is how dark I can be.  But that's up in a Blog post.  If you wanted to read.  Yeah.  Comment, and subscribe.  Tell me what you thought about this... melancholy one-shot.  Really, I want to hear what you thought about it.

On another note.  Follow me on Instagram (she pleaded): byunange_sm

Please. follow me.  Lol.  I'm having a bet with this mean bully.  She keeps making fun of me for not having more followers than her.  I'm losing this bet by a lot >-<

Well bai now.

-Ange

Now for the breakdown of the story:

"She cries out sadly, hoping someone would hear her silent screams." -Taeyeon's character

"Hope is the light the blind can see." -Tiffany's character  (omg I can't believe I came up with something so deep like that)

Taeyeon's a girl who hides her sadness and pain behind her smiles, like most of us do.  It's hinted that she lives alone in an old apartment building, constantly showing her depression behind the closed doors of her apartment.  While on the roof, the subset brings back memories, leaving her silence.  The silence gave her brain time to think, which was a deadly thing at the time, as evil thoughts invaded her mind.

Even though it's said that she promised not to do it again, she pulled out her pocket knife.  The part where she pulled the knife up to her eyes to see her reflection was a key point in this story, as it showed what she saw in herself as a person.  She saw great things in herself, but the negative thoughts about herself didn't allow her to see her beauty.  Even if she did try and convince herself, she couldn't see her reflection in her eyes, which dulled the blade.  Now for a moral lesson, before you even think about doing such a thing like this, think back on this story, okay?  You're more beautiful than you think you are.  I'll give you an example in the next paragraph.

If I were to tell you to describe yourself, giving me every detail of your face, what would you tell me first?  You would say something like "my face is fat", "I have a big nose", "my forehead is too big", "my hair is thin" and things like that, and if I were to draw out what you told me, without seeing you at all, I would draw someone that would look nothing like you.  If I had brought in someone else who had seen you, and known you well, and told them to describe you, they'd say things like, "she has brilliant bright eyes", "her smile is broad and genuine", "his jaw is sharp" or things like that, and if I were to draw that out, I'd get a picture that looks more like you.  Because people have a natural tendency to say the negative things about themselves, they never see the true beauty they hold.  Cheesy, I know I'm being cheesy, but I'm being truthful.

Anyway, back to the story summary.  As Taeyeon lets herself fall into the pit she threw herself into, Tiffany came.  Implied, Tiffany was watching the whole time.  Instead of screaming at her to stop, she seemed to know something about this situation and did something different.  Instead of doing what normal people would've done, Tiffany grabbed the knife and cut herself, shocking Taeyeon.  Of course, this was the reaction Tiffany was going for.  Tiffany wanted Taeyeon to see her own fault, and if she had pointed it out verbally, Taeyeon wouldn't have listened, since she was aware Taeyeon was tired of listening.  So she showed it through her actions.  Not wanting Tiffany to get hurt, even if she was a neighbor, Taeyeon tried to stop Taeyeon.  And Tiffay tried to help her, as expected, Taeyeon pulled away, scared to be hurt again.

Tiffany as a result accepted Taeyeon's decision, and mirrored Taeyeon's earlier choices, by preparing to jump off the building.  You may think this is a strange way to think of things, but if you really think about it, everyone has their secrets right?  If you really think about it, everyone has their reasons to throw away their lives.  Tiffany got this message to Taeyeon's head by almost jumping off.  As the story progresses, Tiffany reasons that Taeyeon would find greater things in life if she were to just keep living, instead of throwing it away and dying with the regret of not dying without regrets.

Taeyeon unconsciously leaves herself stuck, and Tiffany sees this and takes advantage of this moment, gambling her chances until finally, Taeyeon accepts it and falls into Tiffany's arms.

Need I say more?

This is one of my favorite one-shots that I've written actually.

-Ange