An Angel's Wings (One-Shot)

“How do you suppose angels earn their wings, Taetae?”

I looked up at the girl with the blonde tips and waited for an answer.  The other coughed a couple of times, making me worry as I reached out to pat her back, however she held out a hand, signaling she was okay.  Her face a bit red, I could tell she was a bit flustered at the sudden attack.  However I didn’t fail to ask if she was alright, and rubbed her back just to make her feel better.  The other nodded dismissively and put on a dimpled smile.

“How?”  Taeyeon paused as she pondered upon the question.  For some reason, a simple, elegant and sincere smile found way to her face.  It wasn’t a large smile, but her lips curved upwards enough for me to know whatever she was thinking, she enjoyed it.  After a while, she continued, “I think angels earn their wings when they are finally able to make their loved one smile genuinely on Earth while they themselves are in heaven.”

I raised an eyebrow at the older girl.  She really surprises me sometimes.  One second she can be as goofy and innocent as a child, and the next, she’s wise and mature like someone who has experienced the world at hand.  “Is that all?”

Taeyeon pursed her lips as she thought about it, “I also think they’re worthy of their wings when they’re able to protect their loved one on Earth.”

“What about when that loved one dies?  How will they earn their wings when the one they love is already dead?”

“They can earn their wings by meeting their lover there in heaven, and when they finally know of their lover’s presence in their lives,” Taeyeon said slowly, jokingly scolding the other, “love is boundless, Pani-ah.”

I met eyes with the other and only saw sincerity and love.  I smiled back before averting my attention to the paper she was writing on, “New song?”

Taeyeon nodded, “This one’s for you -- my song for you.”

“Sing it for me.”

After a second, a beautiful voice began to fill the air as I leaned by head on the other’s shoulder, closing my eyes as I listened to only her voice.

“That’s a nice song, Ms. Hwang,” said a voice behind me, “Did you write that?”

Still holding onto the old sheet music, I turned my torso to see a stage janitor standing there with a mop to the floor.  I beamed a small smile out of courtesy as I shook my head, my body now fully facing the other woman, “No, my childhood friend wrote this.”

“A childhood friend?  Is she no longer your friend?” A chuckle escaped the other’s lips as she leaned against her mop.  It’s a mystery how the tool didn’t topple over and send her plummeting towards the ground.  My smile damped a little.  No, she was no longer my childhood friend.  She was my lover.  She was no longer alive.  She was the greatest distance away.

“She’s my lover,” I began with a smile I had learned to fake, “she passed away a few years ago.”

A look of sudden panic ran across the other’s face as she really did almost slip on the mop, “I’m sorry,” the other said sheepishly with a rub to her nape.

“It’s alright,” I shook my head dismissively, craning my neck to get a look at her name tag, “Yuri-sshi.”

The rather tanned girl nodded with a smile.  It wasn’t any normal smile.  However I wasn’t able to tell what that smile held.  We stood in silence for what seemed like forever, yet I could only wonder what was on the other’s mind.  She stood there, staring off, her eyes unfocused, but the smile remained on her face.  I opened my mouth to ask if she was okay, however she beat me to talking.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Her voice seemed to echo in my mind as she turned to face me, her expression now… lacking in expression – that was the best way to describe it.  Sure, I was confused as heck.  I had just met this person and she was asking if I was hurt by my lover’s death, “Of course.”

Yuri seemed to know how I was feeling as she once again shook off any misunderstandings, “I’m sorry, I just can relate.”

“How?”

“The person I loved died several years ago.  I should’ve known and I shouldn’t have fallen for her,” Yuri said, her tone melancholy and saddened, “but you can’t decide who you’ll love for eternity.”

I nodded, knowing exactly how she felt.  That sadness and loneliness you feel without your other part.  It’s like living without an arm, or leg – when it’s gone, you never realized how much you needed and depended on that.  You’ll never learn to appreciate things until they’re gone.  I didn’t realize my eyes were beginning to tear until I had blinked the blurriness away, “What was her name?”

“Jessica,” she smiled at the beauty of the name as she looked up into the heavens with a smile that seemed to speak a million words -- a language only for Yuri and Jessica, “how were you and your lover separated? – if you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

I shook my head, motioning towards the chairs not too far away.  Yuri smiled and walked towards the objects, following my gaze.  Once we both were settles and comfortable, I let out a nostalgic sigh, “It all started when I met a songwriter named Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon and I were best friends.  We really were.  Nothing was able to separate us, everything seemed to bond us tighter together, and I was thankful for someone like that in my life.  Taeyeon was supportive of my dream until the end.  She loved me, she criticized me, she scolded me, she teased me, she smiled for me, she helped me, but most of all, she was a friend to me.

The day I met her, she was a frail little girl in the back of the classroom with her little pieces of sheet music, always drumming away on her notebook with her fingers.  The little innocent girl with the gleaming eyes full of hope and love became the girl who seemed to know the world better than I ever would.  The little girl who was shy to even speak her name became the girl who was the strongest person I’d ever meet.  The little girl who didn’t know how to express herself at all became the person I’d love the most.

Taeyeon loved to write music.  Although she never performed for anyone, her songs portrayed sadness and longing.  However her type of music began to change over the years, they began to become bittersweet.  Every time I would look into her eyes, I would see something she never wanted to share, something she always kept to herself.

“Would you perform on stage with me when I become a singer?”  I remember asking the teenage Taeyeon with the light brown hair.

She looked at me with sincere eyes – eyes that always seemed to have hidden pain, “I’ll try my best to bring myself there with you one day.”

And she smiled again.

Taeyeon seemed to have a love for angels.  She seemed to be interested in love the further into life we grew.  But that wasn’t the case.  As I was growing in my life, she was doing the opposite – losing her life with every passing day.  Yet she still smiled for me, she acted like nothing was wrong when she was in pain, and she loved me.

I loved her so much, it hurt.  I would only love her.

“Pani, sing for me, not for him,” Taeyeon pouted as I came out of the classroom after singing to a group of boys who had wanted to hear my voice.

I raised an eyebrow, “I can only sing for you?”

All I got was a firm nod with a mind-blowingly cute expression.  God, why was this girl so cute?  I sighed, sensing reluctance in myself as I looked up to the other again, only to see her pinky in front of my face.

“Promise me.”

A second passed before I lifted my hand up to match hers, “I promise.”

That dork would make me feel so special each day.  That girl also loved roses.  I mentioned she loved love before, and she took roses as a symbol of love.  Every now and then, she would give me a rose of the same color.  Why hadn’t she given me another color in all the years I knew her?  I would never know.  However I knew her enough to guess.

Red roses symbolized the deepest love of all, in Taeyeon’s opinion.  Pink roses were a sign of thanks, and white roses were the purest of all.  In all the time I had known Taeyeon, she had never gotten me a white rose.

Every single time she placed a rose in front of me, I turned my head to see her standing not too far away with an anticipating grin.  I had asked the same question each time.  “Why do you give me a flower all the time?”  I was young and innocent.  As was she, however her answer didn’t hit me until my later years.

“It’s a rose, Pani-ah,” she half-joked with me as she bonked my head affectionately, “roses represent love, and I will be there to give only you a rose because, I, Kim Taeyeon, will forever  only love the one they call Stephanie Miyoung Hwang.”

If I were to express my love for the other in words, I wouldn’t be able to.  I can’t vocalize my love.  I can sing my love.  I can sing passionately for love.  I can sing heavenly for love.  But I can’t sing for love.

Yuri and I exchanged stories about our loved ones just the other day.  It’s funny how time flies so quickly.  I think we both learned the definition of appreciation through our past.  It’s nice having a friend you can turn to that knows what you have gone through and has experienced it themselves.  I found myself smiling happily at Yuri, a smile I haven’t shown in a while.  Maybe in this world, I’ve made another friend.

“I’ll be in the crowd, watching and cheering you on.  That’s your time to finally let go.” She had said.

Soon I found myself getting ready for yet another stage.  However this one was precious to me.  I was finally able to do my own songs, or rather, Taeyeon’s songs.  Tonight, I was going to sing all I could for love.  Can you hear me, Taeyeon?  I’m singing only for you.

I was only reminded of her death as I looked into the distance.  Those times we shared together in silence, enjoying each other’s company, not a care in the world.  All that seemed to end suddenly when I saw her on her deathbed, still smiling at me.  She couldn’t hear me screaming.  She couldn’t see my crying.  She could only feel my love.

That damned smile.  I shouted at her, for smiling while those doctors tried to save her.  She looked me straight in the eye, and smiled at me, like everything was alright, like nothing was happening, and it was a perfectly normal day.

She closed her eyes like she was sleeping.  She didn’t look pained or horrified of death.  Taeyeon was a person to embrace it, not to fear it.  I still wonder if Taeyeon felt my pain.  I love her.  I still do, because I know she’s still with me here today.  The harder I close my eyes, I can see her.  The more I block out other sounds, I can hear her.  The lonelier I feel, I can feel her love.

I miss her so much, but now I know she’s in a better place -- one where she didn’t have to put on a fake smile for all the people in the world, one where she doesn’t have to hide her pain, and one that she can enjoy happily.  I guess that’s what love is all about: the other person’s happiness.

Taeyeon, I hope you’re happy.

It’s all the hardships that make us stronger, right?  Then I’m sure both Taeyeon and I are some of the strongest people on the planet.  Having to live without your lover, wishing it was you that departed instead.  The feeling is horrible.  The guilt is horrible.  But I know she’s here with me, watching over me.  And with that thought, I smiled.

That smile never faded once as I looked into the crowd.  Every time I step onto the stage, it seems my tears of sadness and loneliness finally turn into joy.  I don’t have to fret; I know my Taeyeon is there for me, and through Yuri, I learned, maybe heaven isn’t that far away after all.  If I glance up, completely immersed in my song, sometimes, I can see the outline of a familiar figure.  I can see that figure beaming back with proud eyes that I’ve longed to see.  Knowing she was there with me, I sang the melody of my heart.

I will always sing for you, Taeyeon.  You may or may not hear me, but I’ll say this anyway.  I will never sing for anyone else.  Right now, I’m not singing for this room, but for you.  Because I know you’re there, and if I close my eyes, you’re in front of me.  And you’re the only one I can see.  I’m keeping my promise until the end; can you hear me, Taeyeon?  With a happy heart, with an emotional heart, and with a no longer longing heart, I looked over the sea of people who moved to my voice.  And I looked up, seeing that angel clearer than ever.  The smile she wore was radiant and happy however there was something different this time.  Looking closer, her figure had changed.  With trembling fingers, I reached for her last gift to me – the lock necklace as a tear fell unto my cheek.  I wasn’t sad, a smile appeared on my face as I thought, “You finally earned your wings, Taeyeon.  I love you so much.”

I sang her songs with all my heart and all my soul.  Taeyeon was there with me, the whole time, with her eyes closed, swaying to the music.  There were times the girl opened her eyes just to look at me sing, and that smile appeared on her face once more.  That heavenly smile I fell for.

With a lingering note, the song faded away, but the music never stopped.  I opened my eyes, only to realize, she was gone.  Yet what was strange, was the face that a beautiful rose was placed in the spot she was standing in just moments ago.  A white rose.  I closed my eyes and smiled, I knew she could hear my thoughts.

You’re my beautiful angel that finally earned her wings, Taeyeon.

In that moment, Tiffany finally realized Taeyeon’s presence in her life as she held the rose and looked up into the heavens, giving it the biggest smile in her lifetime.  And to the thousands of people in the concert hall, watching her, she was no longer just Tiffany.  In all of their eyes, she seemed like an angel at that moment.