pabo

There are ten thousand ways to start a conversation; and with him, she should have at least a thousand and one.

For one, they could chat about their all-time favorite yadong (yagu dongyeongsang, that is) since they both adore baseball much. Discuss ways on how to be taller; share tips about photography; converse fluently in Japanese; exchange Harry Potter spells; or even swap best anecdotes on how to bully their elders. If all else fails, they could talk about food (on whether kimchi tastes better in a stew or served plain, or which district in Japan sells the best ramen, or on what the other person’s record is for the most dumplings eaten in one serving).

It’s rather funny how the members of his group name her as the girl they’re most close with; but she cannot remember a moment wherein a conversation with him lasted for more than two exchanges. And if not for Junsu, it might have never happened.

“Hello, I’m Sooyoung.”
“Changmin.”
"Nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too."

It has been over half a decade since they first met but perhaps the only indication that they know each other were the casual curt  bows she gives him whenever they happen to cross each other’s paths on the narrow lobby (and oh, those half-ripe smiles he gives her when she turns her back).

During happier times, she’d randomly pop into their practice room (occasionally, dragging Jessica with her). She’d plead Yunho with her puppy eyes to give her some of Jaejoong’s cooking and would occasionally ask Yoochun for random English words to enhance her seemingly limited vocabulary. Her laughter will always bounce off the walls as Junsu repeats his oyaji gag for the fifty-seventh time; but it would always end up almost instantly when he appears.

Sooyoung knows she’d mastered the “younger sister” and “typical best friend” approach but somehow her confidence plunges, her insecurities swarm her (what if he finds plain kimchi boring?) and her tongue sticks to the roof of when that mysterious silent stunner comes her way. It doesn't help much too that all Changmin ever does is stay at a distance far, far from her. She doesn't understand how he had shook hands with Yoona, played with Yuri, talked to Seohyun, and basically interacted with all the other girls, but did not, even for a short moment did much than those little nods of casual acknowledgment towards her direction. (And she bites her lip, pushes the thoughts back to her head, and makes herself believe time and time again that it doesn't hurt a bit.)

So for more than five years, high fives with Yunho, silent smiles with Jaejoong, goofy dances with Junsu and Yoochun, and polite bows to Changmin remain consistent. Sometimes, she feels that the boys feel something strange; (of course they will when it’s always Jaejoong-oppa, Yunho-oppa, Yoochun-oppa, Junsu-oppa, and Changmin-sunbae) but she just shrugs her shoulder and pretends that nothing’s wrong, for nothing is wrong, because nothing is happening.

And it stayed that way until her circle of friends expanded. Until she grew out of the 'one of the boys' tag. Until a lot of other things started happening.

Happier times ended so soon and Changmin could only sigh -- for all his secret glances, well-hidden words of adoration, and unopened chocolate-chip cookie bags waiting to be shared -- for all that was left of something that wasn’t even there in the first place.