The next morning was normal; I made my mum sign the permission slip before I closed the door behind me. As I walked down the deserted streets, my lips curled into a smile due to morning sensation of birds chirping. They sounded wonderful; they were all in harmony which made the tips of my fingers tingle with joy. All of a sudden, a gust of wind slapped across my face. My body couldn't move - it became stiff from the sharp, cutting, ice-like chill. I felt the rough texture of goose bumps on bare arm as my body made a wolf-like remark to get rid of the stillness. That stupid wind! I cursed as I continued to walk.
I came to acknowledge the fact that there were many smaller roads leading to this one. It all seemed symbolic. I was walking on the main road that consisted of many smaller roads. It’s just like an ocean. The little streams join at the mouth to make one big sea. Everything has a unique reasoning. One just has to do look hard to find it. I wondered what the reasoning behind the creation of world was. Many say that it’s God and that the creation of the Earth was to test us, but why would He make this big thing full of complex life forms just to put us through an irreverent test? What does he want to test? Most people don’t comprehend my confusion, most people say I shouldn’t worry about such events; most people think I’m crazy. However, for people like me, people who were born mute, have a lot of time to think, and I can never get my mind to think about something other than this.

Chugga-chugga... – I was getting used to the sound of the train – interrupted my thoughts. I ran to catch it. Jumping on, I felt out of breath. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, I took my seat, and my lips began to turn into the curve that defined happiness. I plugged my headphones in, shut my eyes, and let the thoughts of the old carriage-pulling train crowd my mind. A train helps us with many things: transportation, meeting new people, and sometimes it even helps with love – some people say the train was the origin of their affections. I find that absurd but it’s interesting to look under. I would love to meet a couple that started off as strangers on a train. Their story would be fascinating to listen to.

The train came to a sudden stop, causing my eyes to open. I decided to take my notebook out since I expected Myungsoo to show up any second. I dug through my bag but it was nowhere to be seen. Confusion took control of my head as I dug deeper.  

“Hello,” a familiar voice said. The tone was soft as usual. “Did you lose something?” His pitch, now, sounded like that of a highly curious little kid. I felt him shooting glares at my distraught state.

I looked up into Myungsoo’s dark brown eyes and smiled, then continued taking my school books out, looking for my notebook. I tilted my head and went through the books I placed on my lap. There it was, hidden between my Science and English text pad. I let out a breath of relief and looked back at Myungsoo, who had one of his eyebrows raised and eyes wide open – one was smaller than the other but both were clearly wider than his normal size. What happened? Why are you staring at me like that? I quickly wrote as I felt my face give off different expressions.

His expression relaxed in his normal look. “The way you handled your bag was so violent.  I didn’t expect it from you,” he laughed. His laugh sounded real but felt so fake. He wore a steady expression as the turn of his lips straightened. He could sense it; he could sense the reality of his chuckle.

Did something happen? I scribbled, staring at him whilst he read the words, soundlessly. Silence filled the air. Something was – most definitely – wrong. You don’t have to share if you don’t want to. I wrote before closing my eyes and letting thoughts rush in and out of my head. What may be the problem?

A light shake woke me up. I tilted my head and saw Myungsoo’s darkened expression. I pulled on a smile and wrote, the train is about to stop, right? Changing the topic is the best for now.

He nodded, in response. “Have you brought the permission slip for the trip?” He questioned as his face was clocked with happiness.

Yeah, I did. Did you? Seeing him nod, I felt a little reassured. Suddenly a bad feeling hit me as I quickly wrote, It’s today, right? Did you bring lunch? My eyes shone rays of penetrating radiation as I observed the lack of change in the burnt part of his face as the other showed annoyance. If one doesn’t look closely, they might not be able to tell his feelings through his expressions.

He slapped his head and shook it, “Ah, I forgot. Aish, I knew I was forgetting something.” A frown formed on his face. He seemed like a little kid who's lost his way home.

I laughed out loud, holding my stomach. The train made an abrupt stop making me fall to the ground. My head hit the floor hard whilst I let out a pain of cry. I held onto my forehead and made a ball on the floor as I let the sting of pain rush around. I felt an arm circling around me. As I was raised from the ground, I felt a little light headed.

My eyelids flung open and I began to notice I was in the nurse’s office. I lifted myself into sitting position and saw Myungsoo sitting in front of me, looking down with his eyes shut close. “Myungsoo,” I tried to whisper, and then shortly realized I couldn’t. I let out a big breath, hoping it was loud enough to for him to hear.

Myungsoo’s head looked up; his pale stiff lips tilted into a curve that made my heart beat faster than its usual rate. His face then let out a serious, angry look. “Don’t ever laugh again, ok? I can’t see a friend get hurt so, don’t laugh anymore, okay?”

I couldn’t respond. I didn’t know how to. I forced my head to move up and down and pulled on a smile. I looked around for my notebook and saw Myungsoo walk towards me from the corner of my eye.

“Looking for your book?” I looked up at him to see it in his hands. He held it out.

 I grasped hold of it, opened it and began to write. Don’t laugh, like ever? The fast beating organ within me began to play a painful song.

Myungsoo’s mouth opened then closed again as he let out a cute, heart-filling laugh. “No, I didn’t mean that,” he tried to say through his chuckle. Pulling on a forced straight face and biting his lips, he stood up straight. “I meant don’t laugh when the train is about to stop. I didn’t know what to do, I thought of getting you to a hospital but then I believed the school was closer so I ran all the way here.”

I looked down; it felt a little weird to hear. Ah, I see. A sudden thought hit me. Oh! What happened to the school trip? I wondered, did we miss it?

My head went up to see Myungsoo’s arm on his lips, legs tapping against the tiles floor impatiently and his cut was getting sharper. “Yah, you are seriously weird. You made me think it was today as well. It’s actually next week,” Myungsoo explained, shaking his head.

We both share a moment of silence before bursting into tears. Seriously? No way, i didn’t know. What made me think it was today? I’m quite sure today’s date was on the letter.

“Neither did I. I guess we are more alike than expected.” Myungsoo brought my attention back on him. “Today’s date was on the letter, though. However, that is just to say bring the slip back today. I can’t believe I didn’t read the darn thing. Oh, I wanted to ask, what made you laugh so hard?” One of his eyebrows lifted as the other remained, unchanged. The corner of his bottom lips covered his upper. His chin became all wrinkled as an elder’s.

I grinned at the sight, and my eyes shrank in awe. You looked like a kid before; the expressions you pull off are hilarious, I explained. So cute, I, unintentionally, wrote. I quickly tried to hide it but looked up to see Myungsoo’s widened eyes which confirmed he saw everything. I, nervously, chuckled and remained quiet.

The loud, ear-bursting, bell played through our ears breaking the awkward silence created by my stupidity. It’s break. I’m heading towards the roof. I stood up to leave. I brushed myself down and walked towards the door. I stopped, all of a sudden, hearing foot steps behind me. You’re coming, as well? I asked Myungsoo.

He nodded in response without a glimpse in my direction. I wonder why he seems down. Is it because I called him cute? It can’t be; he is clever enough to know there wasn’t any meaning behind it. I mean, there’s seriously something else bothering him.

As I climbed the long stairs of hell, I became more breath-less. I’m so unhealthy. We reached the top and took our usual places. Sitting there, with no other than the sound of the wind, I took my headphones out and plugged them in. I offered one to Myungsoo and he accepted it. The loudness of the sticks banging down on the drums was clearly heard. I shrieked at the sudden noise whereas Myungsoo remained expressionless as his eye-lids covered his eyes. 

I placed my head on the curve created by my two joined legs - pushed against my chest - as I observed the clouds. Weird shapes came into sight – a cat kissing a dog. How symbolic is that? Cat kissing a dog, eh? That can be interpreted in many ways. It may mean two beings that hate each other have a possibility of falling in love. The cat may be separating from the dog since their love is forbidden or wrong. Their love must be wrong because those two can’t interbreed and carry on their generation. So the cat may be kissing the dog goodbye. That is somehow heart-breaking. Who knew a cat and a dog could be star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet?

An alien-like creature with a hole in its stomach was the next one I noticed. It seemed more complicated than the previous one. The hole may have been created due to lack of food. Wait, the hole may be a heart – since it’s an alien we aren’t sure where its heart is. so assuming that is where it’s placed, it would be easier to analyze. This alien must have lost its way home and now heartbroken, it still haven’t found the meaning of love therefore a bit of its heart is missing or it may have just given up part of its heart to someone special. Ah, it might also be due to a more magical explanation. This being may have been a human before however, committed an unforgivable sin and therefore been cursed into a weird form. To be able to go back into a human form, the human must find the missing part of its heart somewhere in the world. That would be such a good story to write.

The next one I came across is a music note. What can a mere music note mean? Oh, it may just look like a simple music note however there might have a big function. Music connects one with anything. Everyone in this world loves music, there are different types and forms however, it is still something everyone enjoys listening to. Music is where I go when I’m sad, happy, and lonely and when I need to think. Music supports a person in its own way. I know it supports me.

The school buzzer went off again indicating the break has ended. I gave Myungsoo a light shake. His eyes opened without further disturbance. I, then stood up and wiped the dirt off my legs while Myungsoo remained seated. I gave him a weird look and kicked his thighs.

“Go on without me. I’m not going to lessons today,” he said, in a tone far from normal, before closing his eyes.

I wanted to drag him down the stairs and seat him in his class but he seemed as if he needed some space to think so I took my phone out and left it beside him. Use it and give it to me after school. I suggest you listen to happy songs – they will help you kick out any problems that are haunting your mind. If you don’t wish to listen to those then my next suggestion is Nell’s songs – they are slow and help you think about everything clearly. Enjoy xD! I quickly wrote and placed it under my phone preventing it from flying off. I kicked him, pointed at the note then ran off to my next lesson. 

I walked into registration, few days later. I greeted the teacher then walked to my seat near the window. I looked out, seeking for the bird that triggered my interest but it was nowhere in sight. I wonder where it went. Did it finally find a friend? Do I consider Myungsoo as a friend? Wait, does he even think of me as his friend? I mean, to me, friendship means creating a strong, unbreakable bond. A friend should be willing to share their happiness and sadness with the other. Myungsoo can't do that with me, he keeps all his feelings locked up within him. He might think friendship means something else, though. I shall ask his meaning of friendship when I see him next. 

I focused during the session, looking out the window every once in a while, but otherwise, I took in everything the teacher said. The assignments were given as the bell went off. My legs, unconsciously, jumped up and began running up the stairs to the rooftop. I opened the door to see Myungsoo already up there. How does he always get here before me? 

"Ah, hello." His kind expression changed into a state of shock after seeing my breath-less state. "You could've come slower, you know? What is the hurry, anyways? Do you have something to say?" Questions just flew out of his mouth. I was caught up in catching my breath to process any of it. 

I showed him my palm as I clenched my stomach and took the place next to him. Taking deep breaths in and letting a lot out, one at a time. What is the definition of friendship, in your head? I wrote, still catching my breath.

“That’s what you wanted to ask?” After seeing my serious expression, he continued, “Well, friendship to me means creating a strong steady bond with each other. A bond created by shared secrets, happiness and sadness.”

A moment of silence stuck us both. That’s what friendship means to me so he doesn’t consider me as a friend. It hurts to know the truth; I thought maybe I would have one friend in this school. I couldn’t make many at other schools since no body understood what I was going through. I came to believe Myungsoo was different, that he would be more understanding since he couldn't make friends either. I guess he is just like the rest of them.

“Why did you ask so suddenly?” Myungsoo questioned. A confused look covered his face.

Ah, it’s nothing. I thought friendship meant that, too. I rubbed both my thumbs together and leaned against the wall. Want to listen to some music? I changed the topic.

He nodded, getting the hint and remaining silent. Like usual, the sound of the birds chirping, the rattles of the iron sheets on the roof and the sound of the old train cloaked the place. I looked up into the sky to see if I can spot any funny shaped clouds again.

“Do you like the sky that much?” Myungsoo asked, looking up wondering what’s so fascinating about my interest.

I try to find a meaning behind every cloud I find because I believe we are all created with meaning, even the non-living objects. Why don’t you try? It's fun. I smiled, under my breath as he looked hard to visualise. Look there, isn’t that two hands - one palm touching the other’s? I was surprised to see such sight – just when I was thinking about friendship.

“Wow, that can symbolise friendship,” Myungsoo stated.

My lips tilted into a smile. I was quite happy he knew but he doesn’t – the bell went off, interrupting my thoughts.

“See you at lunch,” Myungsoo said before rushing down the stairs.

I walked down slowly – I wasn’t in a hurry anymore. Am I not a good friend? Didn’t I give off a friendly feel? Why can’t Myungsoo spot something that is right next to him? He seems just like my parents - careless of how they may affect others around them. Neither of them respect me as a person, do they? Just because of my inability to talk, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be able to understand a problem or comfort him. However, I can’t complain, can I?

“Sungjong, hurry up and take your seat!” A voice that seemed so familiar and common said. Her tone was light yet commanding.

I looked up to see the teacher standing in the doorway of the class-room. She gave off a bright smile as I returned it with a sad one. Every smile has its own sad story, right? Does the teacher have a secret as well?

“Um, is there something bothering you?” She gave off a concerned look – she tilted her head as her eyes widened, lips parted and hands reached out for my shoulder.

My eyes couldn’t look into hers. I just shook my head and took my seat. After sighing, I looked up at the sky. The weirdly shaped clouds were gone leaving the sky coated with dull gray colour which made it seem like rain was on its way. Speaking of the devil, spatters of water fell gently against the window creating tiny ornaments of crystal. Shivers sped around the classroom as the coldness took over, leaving us in a miserable state. I grabbed my blazer from my bag and pulled it on.

Time ticked by, as I tried to control the repeated, never-ending clicks of my two sets of teeth. I even tried putting my finger between them but it ended up getting injured as my teeth just pierced into it.

“Sungjong, do you have a cold?” The teacher asked in a worrisome voice.

Forcing a smile, I nodded. My teeth, however, betrayed me. I don’t have a cold miss, but it’s freezing in here so do you mind closing all the windows? I wrote with shaking hands.

“I understand.” She got a stick out with a hock at one end of it. She connected the hook with the ring on the windows that were very high – far from reach – and shut them closed. The students that were on my row helped shut the windows that was near to them. “Thank you,” the teacher said, making eye contact with the ones that closed the windows.

The bell for lunch then chimed through the classrooms. I decided to stay in class since the grounds on the rooftop must have been soaked by now. I placed my head on the wooden table and closed my eyes, letting the pitter-patter of the rain drops warm me up.

I caught the train, after school, with Myungsoo. It’s raining a lot, right? I wrote after taking my seat.

“Yes, it is. I wonder why. Oh, Sungjong, I needed to ask you something. Why did you bring up the topic of friendship so suddenly?” Curiosity played around his lowered voice.

 It’s nothing. I lied trying to avoid the question.

“I see,” he muttered whilst looking around. He began scratching the back of his neck and stepping on one leg with the other. “Um, I need your advice on something.” He bit down on his bottom lips and continued, “A friend of mine keeps thinking of his deceased parents. Everything around him reminds him of them. He doesn’t know how to blank it out; he doesn’t know how to get rid of all the useless memories. He is so helpless at the moment and needs some support. So please help me.” His pleas sounded like a cry of pain.

It didn’t take me more than seconds to figure out that “this so-called friend” of his is actually him. Your friend is called Myungsoo, right? Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone or anything. Advice? Um, you shouldn’t run away from the memories. Confront them with might. Running away is cowardly, you know? I know you feel lonely, sad and angry within because they left you. You may think I lack experience but you have no idea but my life. I’m telling you to confront your memories of them because they help you through life. Just remember, your parents aren’t gone. They are still there watching over you. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they forgot. And since they still think of you, you should think of them as well. I hope my advice worked, keep the diary and get off! Your stop is here haha! Bye! xD I handed him the diary and waved.

He got off after giving me a smile. He looked back through the window and mouthed a ‘thanks’.

He told me his secret... He thinks of me as his friend. I felt an unstoppable grin form.