Days passed and it seems that Jongin is done with his games with me. After our conversation in the park we barely talk now and he doesn’t eat with us anymore during lunch. It’s kinda sad. I don’t know. I’m very certain I’m not inlove with him. Not yet.

                But today I decided to approach him first when I saw him in the locker. I think it’s unfair for him too though because he let out his feelings for me. SO sincere that I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to react. Whether he was serious or not with what he said it’s inappropriate to get away from him just like that.

“Hey.”  That was the only word I said.

“Oh. Hello to you.” He said and I can feel that he’s being cold to me.

“Listen, about what happe-”

“Are you tired of your games Shin?” he asked without looking at me.

“Excuse me?” I said surprised by his answer.

“Are you done? Are you done of playing the role as mouse in this game?” he turned to face me.

“I am not playing games with you Jongin. And I don’t even want to be chase. You are the problem . You’re saying things out of nowhere. You’re playing with my feelings ! You’re making me confused!” I blurted out. How dare him accuse me of such things

“Me? Problem? You are the problem here Shin! Nobody’s playing with you. I am serious with what I said and you? You’re the one who’s making things complicated! I already told you everything and all you do is just push me away !” He shouted at my face taking steps towards me.

“What the heck Jongin! You cannot expect me to give what you’re asking for that fast! I’m not just like any of your girls before!” I shouted too trying to intimidate him.

I think I succeeded though cause he doesn’t answer right away. But I can see through his action that he was mad because he was gripping tightly on his fist.

“I don’t know why are you being so hard Shin. But I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you until you tell me to stop.”

I went home feeling dull that day, thinking that I approached Jongin for nothing. What I wanted was to have a decent conversation with him and to clear things up, to tell him that there is someone else who will love him back.

                I entered the room I share with Han Ri and found her watching T.V. or more like staring at it.

“I’m home. Have you eaten already?” I asked and she seemed to be surprised.

“Oh. No not yet. I was waiting for you. Can we eat outside?” she asked still looking at the television.

“Sure.. okay.” I said and I change to something casual then we had off to a nearby restaurant.

                The distance was not really long ctually we just walked all the way, but the silence between Han Ri and I was somewhat awkward. Occasionally I would try to ask her about her day and other stuffs but she will just answer me with one word. I gave up.

                Han Ri was the one who ordered the food so I just waited for her and went to our seats. Then the thoughts of Jongin suddenly came into my mind. His words, his actions, was that really love? Or was he just taken over by his raging hormone.

Sometimes I think that I have fallen for him too. In case I do, he’ll not be my first though. I’m not new in that kind of feeling. I had been into relationships before, but I’m proud to say that I always have long term relationships with the opposite . 

And this, this dilemma I have is really getting on my nerves everyday. Maybe I like him already, but just afraid of ruining my friendship with Han Ri and him. What will happen if I accept his feelings for me? What will Han Ri think of me ?

My train of thoughts were cut when Han Ri sat across my seat.

“You okay?” she asked as she took a sip of her drink.

“Yes. Are there reasons for me to be not?” and took a sip of mine too.

“Must be really hard in your situation.. You know, choosing between the friendship and love.” She said nonchalantly which caused me to choke on my drink.

“Shin! Gosh are you okay?!” she said tapping my back gently.

“Y-yes. What did you just say? ”

“I mean it’s hard right? to choose between Jongin and me? I heard your conversation before I went home.”

“I-I’m sorry..” that was all that I can say.

“Don’t be.” She smiled and squeezed my hand before taking it again.

I don’t know if I see it right because she looked out of the wondow but I think I see her eyes become watery. She was smiling though when she spoke again.

“You know Shin-ah, I would be lying if I will tell you it’s okay for me if you two end up together. But I cannot force him to love me, and I don’t want to be selfish too and ask you to leave him alone. I can see he really likes you. Probably very much, because I had been there. In every conversation that you had. Such a stalker I am.” Han Ri laughed but I just looked at her with sad face.

I knew this is how she’ll feel, that is why I couldn’t accept it to myself  the fact that I like Jongin too.

“I’ll not get in your way for now. Clear things up will you? then decide what you’re going to do with your relationship. For now I’ll take a step back. I cannot be with you for the mean time. Because just seeing him love someone else is already painful enough. I don’t have any grudge towards you Shin-ah, I can never do that, but I need some space.”

And with that she stood up and went to my side to give me a hug. “Be happy ok?” I felt hot liquid on my back. Her tears. I hugged her back and we stayed in that position for some minutes more. We let go after that and she asked me to leave her for a while.

I walked to our home my mind filled with many questions of what will happen now. While Han Ri stayed in the restaurant for two more hours thinking of things too. Both of us having one question in common: how will the new chapters of our lives unfold now?