Review: GreenGardenPop
PurpleSocks' Review Corner~Story: Silent Night
Author: GreenGardenPop
Review:
Title: The title is good, but it's not that creative enough to attract a reader's attention. (4/5m)
Description & Foreword: The contents under foreword should go under description since its describing the story. However, your description attracts my attention - a good introduction of the story before reading the story! Though I think you can add in more for your description to make it even interesting. (7/10m)
Plot: Up till where I read (chapter 15), I think the plot is going well. The first chapter is kind of draggy though, you can just get into the story straight with chapter 2. However, after Myungsoo came into the story, I must say I really loved it. Also, you didn't straight away mention why Myungsoo couldn't go out in the day, so it intrigued me to read further, and before I got on to the chapter where this was addressed, I was thinking of a lot of reasons why he can't go out in day! Really awesome way to keep your readers reading on!^^ Good job and hope you keep up with the good work! (26/30m)
Description & Clarity: I love your wide variety of words used for description. It's like I can see what the character is doing right in front of my eyes, how they feel etc. The whole story flow (up till now) is rather smooth. (26/30m)
Grammar/Spelling errors: There were some errors that I found in the story. It's not all though, just that I don't want this review to become a grammar/spelling review. These were taken from chapter 1 by the way.
"Jiyeon, finally, you wake up." - Since Jiyeon has woken up, the better way of phrasing this is: "Jiyeon, you finally woke up." or "Jiyeon, finally, you woke up" if you want to use the originally sentence structure.
"Baekhyun it's Sunday. I have nothing to do, so let me to continue sleeping." - The sentence will be smoother if you place a comma after Baekhyun. So it's "Baekhyun, it's Sunday." additionally, it will be better to write "I have nothing to do, so let me continue sleeping."
"Why didn't they take me?" - "Why didn't they bring me along?" would be better.
"So don't blame them for not taking you along." - Similarly, "So don't blame them for not bringing you along." would be better.
I am very picky when it comes to grammar/punctuation. However, the story is well conveyed across despite the errors made, so your grammar errors didn't affect the flow of story because I can still understand what is going on. You should re-read your fic to check for errors so that you can minimize such errors. (12/20m)
Others: I personally like this story and the plot. Quite interesting and I hope you will produce such good fics in the future too! I love the graphics~ (4/5m)
Total: 79/100m
Reviewer's note: Hello! Thanks for being my first customer. Hope you like the review and please link my corner at your foreword! Thanks and please request again when you have new fics~ (Oh and because I love your fic a lot, so I finished reading until where you stopped in just a day XD)
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