{ At Every End Of The Day}

Word Count: 3, 040
Pairings: D.O / KAI

{♥} aDOrable_ {♥}

Because there's no one else, no one else who can compare

Kyungsoo sits by the window, tapping his fingers against the frosted glass as he closes his eyes, trying to think of the perfect word.


Lovers


No, not lovers.

Kyungsoo remembers the day he first met Jongin at Suho’s party. Kyungsoo being Kyungsoo, had been reluctant to attend initially. Too bad he was a loser for his loser best friend, Baekhyun, and Baekhyun had convinced him to attend the party in less than 5 minutes. Kyungsoo never liked parties, and he was never familiar with the suho guy as well, so he found it odd that suho seemed to invite him every single time he threw a party (which was at least once a week in his big mansion). Kyungsoo had lost Baekhyun in the crowd quickly and found a quiet corner in the kitchen, making himself comfortable with the story-book and cola he had brought along.

People walked in every now and then, but since Kyungsoo never looked up from his book he had no idea who walked in on Kyungsoo being a loser, neither did he mind, though.

They were probably too wasted to remember, anyway.

It was 11:44PM on his digital watch when Kyungsoo finally finished reading his book, eyes tearing from too much straining and legs stripped of all feelings as he stretched lazily, yawning.

He didn’t notice the stranger leaning against the kitchen counter, staring directly at him until the strange stranger spoke up.

“Hey there”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened with surprise, and it took him a few seconds to come up with a coherent response because boy, that was one good looking male.

“Hello”

“I’m Kim Jongin,” Tanned stranger introduced, lips pulled up into a y smirk as he held his hand out to Kyungsoo. “And I’m bored as hell.”

“Do Kyungsoo!” Kyungsoo replied a bit too excitedly, eyes a bit too bright as he shook Jongin’s (cold, he noticed) hand. “I’m tired.”

“You’re tired, and I’m bored,” Jongin had said, eyes shining with mischief. “Shall we get some fun?”
Kyungsoo remembers how they started playing the stupid dart-throwing game, and how he lost in every single round, his punishment having to consume glass after glass of alcohol (Kyungsoo really at holding his liquor) and how pretty Jongin’s teeth looked whenever he laughed. Kyungsoo remembers feeling really happy and warm after that, and then all of a sudden there was the feeling of lips soft as cotton and hands rough as sand over his body, dragging him somewhere, just away. Kyungsoo remembers how it much had hurt when Jongin first ed into him, and how nice Jongin’s lips had felt against his ears when he whimpered in pain. Kyungsoo remembers the sweet-nothings Jongin whispered, the way Jongin hugged him until they both fell asleep with soft snores and occasional twitches.

But they are not lovers.


And they never will be.


Kyungsoo woke up before Jongin the next day, and he had left in a state of shock, reeking strongly of alcohol and as he boarded the bus home, trying to convince himself that nobody was staring at him. It took him only a few hours to accept the fact that he had lost his ity to a man, and the fact that he already liked Jongin although they had only just met.

His heart had crashed with a loud pang when he recalled not leaving Jongin with any way to contact him, and contemplated running back to Suho’s house, back to the tiny guest-room to leave Jongin a way to contact him, but then decided against it when Baekhyun who was conveniently also his room-mate returned, wrinkling his nose at how horrible Kyungsoo looked.

Kyungsoo couldn't stop thinking about Jongin even 3 weeks after that night, and he met him in university again by chance. He had been walking home alone because Baekhyun had to stay back for extra music lessons, and Suho had caught up with him. They had been talking, and Kyungsoo still remembers how the entire universe seemed to have frozen in time when he caught sight of the familiar tanned boy standing just a few feet away from him. Suho had continued talking to Kyungsoo, not noticing the way his jaw dropped open, not seeing the blush on his face, not aware of the butterflies that burst forth in Kyungsoo’s stomach.

Jongin had been staring at Kyungsoo as well, lips set in a straight line before they slowly curved up, acknowledging him. Suho finally realized that something was not right when Kyungsoo stopped walking, and he turned back to look at Kyungsoo questioningly before following his gaze and ending up staring at Jongin as well.

He cleared his throat before excusing himself, looking suspiciously disappointed.

Kyungsoo remembers how he almost died because of how nervous he was when Jongin approached him with unwavering eyes.

“Hey, Kyungsoo”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo replied with bated breath, eyes everywhere except on Jongin.

“Are you okay?”

Kyungsoo nodded, feeling his entire face heat up although it was autumn and rather cooling. “I’m fine”

“Are you going home?”

“Yes.”

They stopped exchanging words as Jongin fell into step beside Kyungsoo with the intention to walk him home, whereas Kyungsoo had to try really hard to remember his way home because Jongin had turned his world topsy-turvy.

“Bye, hyung,” Jongin had whispered before he dug his hands into his pockets and strolled away, not even turning back to look at Kyungsoo.

“Wa – wait!” Kyungsoo yelled, and Jongin raised his brows as he turned back. “Will i… be seeing you again?”

Jongin had made no reply, only smirked before walking off again, leaving Kyungsoo crushed as his figure slowly faded to nothing.




Their relationship is complicated, Kyungsoo decides. Jongin started showing up at Kyungsoo’s house more often than just friends after Baekhyun moved out to move in with his new boyfriend, Chanyeol, and soon enough Jongin decided to just move in.



On some days they’re strangers, days when Kyungsoo waits for Jongin to return home with a hot steaming bowl of noodles, but Jongin doesn’t return until late at night and doesn’t even glance at Kyungsoo before retreating into his own room (Baekhyun’s old room) and locking the door. On those days Kyungsoo tries to hold back his tears as he dumps the cold noodles into the rubbish chute, telling himself it doesn’t hurt, at all.



On some days they’re friends, days when Jongin return home early with different DVDs in his hands and a plastic bag full of popcorn and cola. They snuggle on the old mustard couch Kyungsoo had bought during a 50% discount sale, giggling over the silly characters and munching on popcorn, glancing at each other and then looking away when their eyes met every time they reached for the popcorn at the same time, causing their hands to brush against each other’s. On those days Kyungsoo goes to bed happy and blissful, telling himself that maybe Jongin did like him after all, that maybe this would go on forever and ever and they would still be watching cartoon films even after they’re old men with wrinkled faces and huge pot bellies.



On some days they’re lovers, days when Jongin enters Kyungsoo’s room without knocking and tackles him to the bed. He tickles and messes around with Kyungsoo, planting kisses on his face and neck and chest, and innocent eyes turn lust-filled. Tongues mate; and it always ends up with Jongin ing him, a cold hand over kyungsoo’s belly to stop him from squirming too much. Kyungsoo remembers one time when he couldn’t stop kissing Jongin as he crawls over Jongin’s lap, allowing his to slide into him and bounces up and down on Jongin’s muscular thighs, his moans only motivating Kyungsoo to kiss him harder. On those days Kyungsoo falls asleep with Jongin’s arms around his waist, and before he falls asleep he mutters a silent prayer to God asking for this moment to freeze and replay itself over and over again.



They aren’t strangers, Kyungsoo sighs, glancing at the clock on the wall just beside the door.


1:48AM and Jongin is still not home.


They aren’t friends; Kyungsoo hides his face behind his fingers, trying to resist the temptation to run outside just to look for Jongin.


They most certainly aren’t lovers; Kyungsoo frowns as he hears the front door open and jumps up, opening his room door slightly so he can see Jongin, even if it’s just a glance.

He feels his chest tighten and compress as though someone is sitting on it, and Kyungsoo bites hard on his lip, so hard he tastes the metallic taste of fresh blood to resist crying out loud. Jongin has his arms around a girl with long brown hair, and he has her slammed against the wall as he devours her face hungrily, eager hands roaming everywhere.

Kyungsoo feels all air knocked out of him as he closes the door gently, careful not to make a sound as he tip-toes to his bed and hides underneath his favorite blue blanket, body shaking as he covers his mouth to not let any sob escape.

That night, he cries himself to sleep.


And that, isn’t the first time he’s done that because of Jongin.


----



The next morning Jongin leaves before Kyungsoo even wakes up, Kyungsoo knows it because the house just feels empty and silent and dead.

He feels empty and dead without Jongin.

Kyungsoo tries not to think of the scene he witnessed from yesterday as he pours himself a cup of coffee, hastily chewing on bread as he glances at the clock every now and then without even knowing why. He still has an hour to go until his lessons begins at the university 5-minutes away, and by the time he finishes his breakfast he has only 30 minutes left.

He throws his body on the mustard couch; arms spread open as he tries to imagine the feeling of Jongin beside him.

To be honest, he has no idea what to do. He needs to let Jongin know that he, Do Kyungsoo, isn’t a toy and Kim Jongin isn’t allowed to toss him around like this.

Kim Jongin isn’t allowed to ignore him on certain days, Kim Jongin isn’t allowed to PMS, Kim Jongin isn’t allowed to see and around with other people.

With a firm nod of the head, Kyungsoo decides that he will leave if Jongin doesn’t want to tell him what exactly Kyungsoo is to him.

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo nearly falls off the couch in shock when Jongin shuffles in from the front door, hair messy and lips swollen, sweaty from jogging. “Good morning!”

Kyungsoo ignores him pointedly, closing his eyes and trying to act calm although his heart is racing and his stomach feels like it’s going to explode.

“Hyung?” Jongin sounds uncertain and hesitant as he kneels before the couch and presses his palm against Kyungsoo’s knee. “Hyung, can you hear me?”

Kyungsoo sits up, pushes Jongin’s hand away before walking (coolly, he tries) into his own room and shutting the door, but not locking it because there’s just this tiny flame of hope in him that Jongin might just come in after him and shower him with kisses and hugs again.

But then the scene of Jongin making out with the girl from yesterday flashes before his mind’s eyes and the flame goes out as quickly as it appeared, and his heart is no longer racing as Kyungsoo locks the door.



Kim Jongin doesn’t try to come in all the same.





--------------------





Kyungsoo tries hard not to keep track of the number of days since he last talked to Jongin as he dives onto the bed, stretching lazily.


Although he tries his very best, Kyungsoo knows that it’s been nearly one week since Jongin last talked to him.
Kyungsoo tries his very best to avoid Jongin as well; he lazes around at Baekhyun’s house until 3AM every night (damn it you should have seen how annoyed chanyeol got) before heading back home. Jongin’s usually home before 3AM,and Kyungsoo sneaks into his room and doesn’t come out unnecessarily until he hears the front door click in the morning, safe in the knowledge that Jongin is not around anymore.


---


10 January; 2 more days to Kyungsoo’s birthday.

Baekhyun asked him out a few hours ago, but Kyungsoo had rejected him instinctively, a tiny part of him still wishing to spend it with Jongin. Baekhyun had laughed it off, knowing how in love Kyungsoo was with Jongin, and promised that he wouldn’t hold a grudge against the petite male.

But Baekhyun doesn't know a lot of things, he doesn't know what Kyungsoo can't bring himself to tell him.


Someone knocks on his room door and Kyungsoo checks his reflection in the mirror before opening the door, revealing a very disheveled Jongin. Jongin’s shoulders are shaking and his eyes are red and puffy as though he has been crying. He tries to smile, but the smile breaks into half as he calls out a weak “hyung”.

“What.”

Jongin doesn’t reply and instead strides forward to take Kyungsoo in his arms, pressing his lips roughly against Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo pounds on his chest, but Jongin doesn’t let go as he kicks the door shut and traps Kyungsoo between him and the bed. Kyungsoo’s attempt to push him away eventually becomes arms wrapped around Jongin’s waist to prevent him from pulling away.

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Jongin whispers as he kisses Kyungsoo’s eyelid. “Don’t ignore me, don’t avoid me…”

Kyungsoo cannot stop the tears from flowing but he doesn’t make a sound.

“I know you’ve been staying out late just to avoid me, and you’re never around in the kitchen anymore in the morning. I know you know what I did, hyung, and I know you’re disappointed. I know you’re probably going to leave soon, but I just want to let you know that the called Kim Jongin is very sorry.”

All of a sudden Kyungsoo cannot remember why he has been mad at Kim Jongin.

Jongin kisses away his tears, drop by drop as Kyungsoo clings on to Jongin’s navy T-shirt, eyes wide.

“What am I to you, Jongin?” His voice doesn’t come out shaky as he expected and instead comes out bitter and slightly hoarse. “Just a -buddy?”

“No,” Jongin replies, and Kyungsoo feels the weight on his shoulders reduced by just a little as Jongin tries to smile. “More than that.”

“A friend?”

“Nope, more.”

“... do you even like me, Jongin?”

Jongin chuckles at this question and brushes his knuckles against Kyungsoo’s cheek. “I like you, hyung. I liked you from the very first time I saw you sitting alone in the kitchen.”

“Then why are you doing this?” Kyungsoo whispers, eyes lifeless as they stare right into Jongin’s cold ones. “Why are you treating me like this?”

Jongin buries his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck before he mumbles a faint “because I’m scared.”

Kyungsoo pushes Jongin away with wide eyes.

“You’re… scared?”

The taller male smiles, but it looks like the saddest thing on the universe to Kyungsoo as he watches Jongin break and try to fix himself up all over again with tape that wouldn’t last and smiles that wouldn’t conceal the tears.

“Nobody stays, hyung,” Jongin whispers, unwavering eyes staring right into Kyungsoo’s large ones. “I don’t want you to become my whole world; I don’t want everything to crash when I lose you.”

The tick-tock of the clock feels almost comforting as Jongin’s tears slide off his face and land on the carpeted floor, creating tiny wet spots that resemble Kyungsoo’s round eyes. It takes another 3 seconds for Kyungsoo to wrap his arm around Jongin’s waist, pressing a chaste kiss against his eyelid.

“But I’m not going anywhere, Jongin.” Kyungsoo presses another kiss against Jongin’s forehead, trying to fix the broken boy. “Where else can I go?”

“They all say the same thing,” Jongin laughs tiredly, without the slightest hint of humor. “And then they get bored of me and just leave, without a note or a good-bye. Just surprise motherer, I wake up alone. Don’t be my lover, hyung, because it’s going to kill me when it’s over. I love you, hyung, I really do, I’m in love with you and all your little things, but I can’t love you. Do you understand me? That girl, I tried to bring her home to make you leave before you leave without a word eventually, but I realized I couldn’t do it. It hurts like hell when I don’t see you, hyung… it makes me hurt from inside-out…”

Kyungsoo doesn’t reply as he holds Jongin close.


That night, they become one for the very first time.



--


Kyungsoo sits by the window, tapping his fingers as the raindrops fall against the frosted glass rhythmically.

He’s not Jongin’s lover, neither is he Jongin’s friend.


The door is pushed open and Jongin runs into Kyungsoo, tackling him and eventually ending up on the bed, collapsing in fits of laughter as he steals kisses here and there.

“I got us the newest horror movie today, and popcorn!” Jongin giggles, still panting.

They’re not strangers, Kyungsoo knows.

“I don’t think we’ve got time for any movies today, Jongin..” Kyungsoo crawls on top of Jongin, lips curved up into a naughty smirk. “I think we’ve got something more important to do…”

Jongin doesn’t try to play dumb as his fingers dance down Kyungsoo’s back, making the older shiver in anticipation.

“I’m going to keep waiting, Kim Jongin, I’ll be right here waiting for you. I love you.”

Jongin doesn’t reply, instead, he grabs Kyungsoo’s face and kisses him roughly to show him that he loves him too.

Their relationship is one that cannot be described; one that involves friendship, love and unfamiliarity all at the same time. One that involves a tanned boy making Kyungsoo mad, and then making it up the next day with fresh vases of flowers and burnt bacon and eggs.

However, Kyungsoo thinks happily as he cups Jongin’s perfect face, those elements blended in nicely and dissolved together to create the perfect mixture.


Its bitter-sweet to Kyungsoo, and he doesn’t mind waiting because at the end of the day Jongin always comes back to him.


Kyungsoo is not Jongin’s friend or lover.




Kyungsoo is just Jongin’s.







fin.