{ HANDLE WITH CARE }

Word Count: 6, 063
Pairings: D.O / KAI , D.O / SUHO , KAI / SEHUN , SEHUN / LUHAN

{♥} aDOrable_ {♥}

There's only so many times you can lie down flat and let someone walk all over you

 

 

 

Kyungsoo has always been told that he is like a ball of happiness and sunshine, and he laughs it off most of the time, until he met Jongin.

He wishes that h is ball of happiness and sunshine, Jongin’s ball of happiness and sunshine, bringing smiles and laughter and nothing but joy into Jongin’s life. He has always considered himself to be Jongin’s best friend, but he realizes he has fallen hard for Jongin one day, and the bruises are more than skin-deep. It hurts twice as hard because he is so lost in Jongin’s brown orbs he can no longer navigate his way out; no longer stop his heart from racing like an innocent school-girl every time Jongin grins his famous lop-sided grin at him. He falls so hard that he starts avoiding Jongin, giving excuses about having to tutor a friend or having to complete overdue homework during lunch breaks, and hiding in the library until Jongin has left school so that he doesn’t have to go to school with Jongin.

It doesn’t last, though, because Jongin finds Kyungsoo in the library one day and traps him against the wall, angry eyes glaring into Kyungsoo’s large, frantic ones. He demands for an answer as to why Kyungsoo has been avoiding him, and a spluttering Kyungsoo finally admits that he may have fallen a little too hard for Jongin, a little too deep into the endless pit of love, a little too hopeless and heels over head for him.

Jongin doesn’t say anything but merely walks off, never turning back, and Kyungsoo cries himself to sleep that night because he knows he has probably just screwed up the friendship between him and Jongin. However, the next day, Jongin shows up early at Kyungsoo’s small apartment with McDonald’s takeaway and a half-hearted grin. He doesn’t do a single thing to remind Kyungsoo of the love confession he received, neither does he make Kyungsoo feel uncomfortable about it.

In fact, Kyungsoo has been very successful in tucking that little episode into the deepest corner of his heart.

They go back to normal; Jongin stealing food from Kyungsoo’s lunch box, Jongin’s lopsided grins, Jongin’s childish complaining…

Kyungsoo sighs, cheeks propped up with balled fists as he studies Jongin’s face. He finds himself holding his breath although he has committed every little detail of Jongin’s face to memory, he finds himself stunned at the perfection of Jongin once again and feels himself sink just a little deeper. Jongin’s half-lidded sleepy eyes, Jongin’s slightly flat nose, Jongin’s perky lips, Jongin, Jongin, Jongin…

Sometimes it’s the little imperfections that make things perfect.

Jongin glances up from his book and catches Kyungsoo’s eye, causing the latter to turn crimson and hang his head, eyes darting around the text on the book in his hands. He hears Jongin chuckle softly and Kyungsoo shoots himself mentally.

“Hyung,” Jongin’s voice almost makes him jump and Kyungsoo looks up a little too quickly with eyes a little too bright as he bobs his head innocently to let the younger know that he has heard him. “Are you tired? You look very sleepy.”

“No, I’m fine,” Kyungsoo whimpers. To be honest, he’s sleepy as hell, but he’s willing to do anything just to spend a little more time at Jongin. The library’s almost empty, but then again, who goes to the library at 8AM on a Saturday morning? He buries his nose in his book again, hoping Jongin will get the idea that Kyungsoo is actually more than happy to be in the library (more like with Jongin) and stop bugging him.

“It’s fine, hyung, really,” Jongin laughs again, warm fingers brushing against Kyungsoo’s knuckles. Kyungsoo feels something in his heart go off and he’s pretty sure he has some sort of heart-disease because it always feels like he’s about to die everytime Jongin touches him, which has been more than often. “Sehun is picking me up, we have a date today.”

Kyungsoo’s smile falters; the blood in his face freezes, but the electricity doesn’t stop sending off sparks in his heart as he drags his lousy eyes up to meet Jongin’s slightly worried ones.

“A-ah..” He stammers, and promptly shuts the book he has been reading for the past 30 minutes although he has not the slightest idea if it’s in English or Chinese or Korean. “I’ll get going then. Enjoy your date, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo grabs his bag with shaking fingers, hoping he’d make it out of the library before he has to go through the agony of having his heart shattered by Jongin’s smile and then stomped on by Sehun all over again. Heaven just isn’t on his side as he watches bony fingers creep around Jongin’s neck, and a knowing smile lights up Jongin’s sleepy face.

“Guess who,” Sehun whispers, loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear, and Kyungsoo wonders if he’s doing that deliberately because he can feel his heart slowly breaking into pieces.

If that worn out piece of thing that has been shattered one too many times and taped up sloppily by Kyungsoo in an attempt to hold it together, then yeah, you can call that his heart.

He tries to turn away, but his brain isn’t functioning as he watches Jongin place his hand over Sehun’s right hand.

“The booger-man?” Jongin jokes, probably some kind of secret joke Kyungsoo’s not involved in and the latter stuffs the library book into his bag in distress. Sehun is probably feeling too heated and in love to even acknowledge Kyungsoo as he leans down to press his lips against the top of Jongin’s head sloppily, before he kneels down beside Jongin and tilts Jongin’s chin up to mush their lips together.

A tiny and crushed figure makes his way out of the library quickly, breaking into a run when he hears the alarm ring. He hasn’t borrowed the book with his library card yet, but he doesn’t care.

All he knows is that his heart hurts like crazy and his eyes are stinging with tears that are too stubborn to fall, and today he just wants to be really bad.

Nobody chases after Kyungsoo, and he tries to tell himself that Jongin knows he’s upset, that Jongin will come for him. He doesn’t think about it again as he slams the door of his apartment shut, because if he does the lie will fall apart and Kyungsoo will break once again.

And this time, he’s not sure if he’ll be able to fix himself up again.

 

--

 

Sehun and Jongin got together just a few days before Kyungsoo stupidly blurted out his feelings for Jongin. Even before they got together, Kyungsoo could already see their growing fondness for each other. Sehun seemed to enjoy basking in the presence of Jongin a lot more than just a friend would, and Jongin didn’t seem to mind it when Sehun let his hand linger on Jongin’s body.

Of course, Jongin didn’t mind Kyungsoo’s hand on him too. In fact, Jongin initiated most of the skinship when he was with Kyungsoo. Their skinship were always innocent, sometimes the occasional brushing of knuckles against knuckles, or Jongin’s arm around Kyungsoo's narrow shoulders.

Kyungsoo knows that Sehun isn’t particularly fond of him, he tries to ignore the eyes glaring into his soul every time Sehun comes to pick Jongin up, and tries not to cry every single time Sehun makes some sarcastic comment about how horrible Kyungsoo’s hair looked that day. Jongin squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand every time Sehun does that, and all of a sudden Kyungsoo feels that everything’s worth it. Tears in eyes dry up, hole in heart seals up and Kyungsoo is whole again until Jongin moves his hand back to Sehun’s shoulder or waist.

The doorbell screeches and Kyungsoo nearly jumps out of his skin, twisting in his seat. A million questions race through his head, because god damn it, it’s 2 in the morning and who on earth goes house-visiting at 2 in the morning? He clasps his trembling hands together, over-active imagination running wild as he thinks of kidnappers and criminals outside his small apartment, waiting to ambush him for god-knows-what reasons.

What hurts even more is that Jongin’s face is the first thing that appears when he thinks of who he can call for help.

“Kyungsoo hyung, it’s me!” Visitor outside door shouts, and kyungsoo’s eyes widen to three times its usual size. He bolts out of his chair, checking his reflection in the mirror (and promptly neatens his ruffled hair) before opening the door.

“Hyung,” Jongin calls out as soon as their eyes meet, and Kyungsoo feels himself melting helplessly into a sticky puddle of gooey lovesick substance right at Jongin’s feet. Jongin smiles, but his gaze dims and Kyungsoo knows that something’s wrong.

“What’s the matter, Jongin?”

“It’s nothing much, really. I got a little upset and I don’t know why, I just… came over, you know? I wasn’t going to wake you, but your lights were on so I figured that you’re still awake, and you are!” Jongin’s smile widens ever so slightly as he pushes past Kyungsoo and steps into the apartment, taking in the scent of Kyungsoo’s favorite strawberry air-freshener. “I’m not going to ask why you’re still up at 2AM because then I’d have to answer you too. I… got into a fight with sehun. Again.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what he can say to Jongin as he shuts the door behind him quietly, sending a quick silent prayer to God that the door will lock and Jongin will never be able to get out. He wants it to be just the two of them, because although Sehun isn’t physically here, Kyungsoo knows that all three of them are present.

“It’s not the first or second fight, hyung,” Jongin sighs, running his hand through his already messy out-of-bed hair. “We fight a lot, too much. Over stupid little things.”

Why don’t you just break up with him? ldquo;Like what?” Kyungsoo inhales a deep breath of courage and sits down beside Jongin, legs dangerously close.

“He gets jealous really easily, hyung. He gets jealous of you.” Jongin covers Kyungsoo’s knee-cap with his warm palm, and Kyungsoo can swear his heart plunge down into his stomach which is of course not a very pleasant feeling.  “But he has a friend called Luhan too, and they’re a lot more intimate than we are. He’s just… really possessive, you know? I wish we could stop fighting.”

All of Kyungsoo’s inner thoughts are sentences like “just break up with him” in bold and in caps, but he doesn’t voice that out as he squeezes jongin's hand comfortingly.  He purses his lips, because he knows that another silly confession is going to come spilling out once he opens his mouth.

That would mean trouble and probably a ed-up friendship.

Jongin turns to grin at Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo finds himself holding his breath all over again just at the mere beauty of Jongin’s flawless face. What he wasn’t expecting, though, was Jongin leaning in closer and closer until he could feel Jongin’s breath on his face. Kyungsoo gulps nervously, adam apple bobbing up and down but all the same he doesn’t try to move away although he is greatly confused as to why Jongin is doing this.

The moment their lips connected Kyungsoo feels his eyes fill up with tears, because he knows he will never enjoy another kiss like that and the butterflies at the pit of his stomach wouldn’t go away.

The kiss itself is remarkable, pure and simple but yet filled with so much feelings as Jongin pulls away, leaving Kyungsoo dizzy as his head dips to his chest in burning embarrassment.

“Hyung…”

Kyungsoo doesn’t have the courage to look up, but Jongin fixes that by lifting his chin up so that he can gaze into the older male’s eyes with eyes as bright as the stars in the velvet sky. Kyungsoo wants to push Jongin away and ask why he just kissed him, but he does neither and instead just waits in silence.

“Two wrongs make it alright tonight,” Jongin’s gaze is so gentle Kyungsoo finds himself getting lost in them.

Getting so lost in love it hurts.

Still, Kyungsoo squeaks, “What was that?”

Jongin’s eyebrows pull down in concentration and he cups Kyungsoo’s face gingerly. “You like me, don’t you? I've always wondered how it feels kissing those plump lips.” His fingers rest on Kyungsoo’s bottom lip, and Kyungsoo goes into panic mood again.

He has no idea how he should respond, but he knows that he should push Jongin away because Jongin is an attached man, and however much he’s in love with him, do Kyungsoo has no desire to be any form of third party, so why is he praying for Jongin to hold him closer and tighter?

Kyungsoo’s hands fall limp as his head tips back on his neck to look up at the ceiling. He needs to gather his thoughts, and it isn't helping at all when jongin’s looking at him with such a tender and concerned expression.

“Listen, Jongin,” Kyungsoo begins, eyes still not daring to meet Jongin’s insistent ones as he plays around with his own fingers. “I like you, I really really do, in fact, you’re all I think about. I wake up every morning wondering if you slept well, wondering if you had breakfast, and I wonder what you’re doing every time I sing myself to sleep. I like you a lot, but – “

He doesn’t get to finish his love confession because Jongin has their lips locked in a much more passionate kiss this time, and Kyungsoo’s stiff body slowly relaxes into Jongin’s. Jongin nips at his bottom lip, smiling into the kiss as he wraps a loose arm around the older male’s waist, the other hand tangled up in Kyungsoo’s soft hair.

“That’s enough, hyung,” Those three words were said against kyungsoo’s lips, effectively cutting off his source of air. “That’s more than enough.”

They share a few more kisses that night before Jongin leaves, not forgetting to pinch kyungsoo’s cheek before disappearing into the darkness. Kyungsoo’s heart can’t stop racing and he rubs his own face tiredly, lips swollen and cold from missing the feeling of jongin’s warm lips against them.

He knows he should feel happy, because Jongin probably likes him enough to kiss him, but then again Jongin mentioned nothing about breaking up with sehun. Kyungsoo feels sick to the guts with insecurity and he feels emptier than ever that night as he crawls into bed, pulling the covers over his own petite frame.

The night they kissed for the very first time, Do Kyungsoo falls asleep with a heavy heart.

--

 

Jongin sticks close to Kyungsoo the next few days, spending most of his time in kyungsoo’s house. Jongin lives only 2 stops away and they spend most of their time kissing and cuddling.

Jongin is always the one initiating, and Kyungsoo still feels his face burst into flames every time Jongin nips his lip, because the mental image of sehun appears and all he wants to do is to crawl back into his shell.

Away from Jongin, away from the world.

Just away.

A kiss should never feel dangerous, and love should never feel so wrong.


 

--

 

Jongin doesn’t hold him in school, Kyungsoo notices, as he walks in stride with Jongin into campus. Their hands are brushing, but Jongin doesn’t attempt to hold his hand like he does back at Kyungsoo’s house. In fact, Jongin doesn’t even bother to look at Kyungsoo. He keeps his eyes fixed ahead, chin tilted defiantly as Kyungsoo wraps his arms around his books, feeling very small all of a sudden.

Jongin doesn’t let out a single sound of protest as Kyungsoo quickens his footsteps and melts into the crowd. Kyungsoo wonders if he can say that he is lost if he’s drifting in a huge crowd.

 

--

 

Kyungsoo is a bundle of nerves and a scarlet face as he runs into his old class-mate, Joonmyun.

They attended the same high school, and apparently the same university too, but Kyungsoo never knew until Joonmyun popped up in front of him, waving his hands excitedly in kyungsoo’s face.

Boy, Kyungsoo gulps as he looks Joonmyun up and down. He sure got a lot more attractive.

Joonmyun doesn’t go away after greeting Kyungsoo like Kyungsoo expected he would, but instead walks Kyungsoo to his next class. They chat about old times and laugh over little things, old emotions filling them up and for once Kyungsoo forgets about the tanned boy with the dark smile and sleepy eyes and his warm kisses and hands. Joonmyun is outside the lecture hall waiting for Kyungsoo after kyungsoo’s lesson end, and Kyungsoo is more than pleasantly surprised because he finds joonmyun’s presence strangely comforting. The pair makes their ways to the library, still feeling nostalgic as Joonmyun wraps his arm around kyungsoo’s shoulder, and a deep red invades kyungsoo’s face although he has no romantic feelings for Joonmyun at all.

He’s only used to Jongin’s touch.

Joonmyun chooses an empty table at the corner, and they settle down quickly, digging out their notes to study. Joonmyun’s smiling eyes are attractive, Kyungsoo realizes with another blush as he tries to focus on his own notes and ignore the eyes on his head. He hears Joonmyun chuckle, and wonders if it’s possible for his face to blow up from the excessive amount of blushing. They study until late at night, and Joonmyun walks Kyungsoo back home and bids him good-night with a cheeky wink and chubby cheeks that Kyungsoo feels like pinching.

Not before leaving his phone number, though.

 

--

 

It’s become a routine for Kyungsoo to study in the library every day after his lessons end, and Jongin knows it too damn well. He slumps down on the chair beside Kyungsoo, broad smile on his face as he wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist loosely, burying his face into the older male’s shoulder. Kyungsoo tries to ignore the thudding in his chest as he allows his head to rest against jongin’s. Jongin pulls him closer before lifting his head and planting a kiss right on kyungsoo’s lips.

Kyungsoo goes red and Jongin laughs, tickling kyungsoo’s nose before he takes kyungsoo’s hand and intertwines their fingers.

Kyungsoo can’t help but feel that Jongin’s fingers perfectly fit the spaces between his fingers.

The older male swings his gaze to the left and meets Jongin’s eyes, and he finds himself getting lost in them all over again.

So far out in love he’s not sure if he’ll ever find his way back out.

Getting caught up in the moment, Jongin leans in and Kyungsoo forgets how to breathe, hands trembling with excitement as he braces himself for the feeling of jongin’s lips against his own. Warm, wet lips against his own, lips against his own heart. Kyungsoo shuts his eyes, but the heat of jongin’s breath is quickly replaced by the sudden blast of cold air from the air-conditioner, and kyungsoo’s eyes snap open in confusion.

Jongin’s lying back on his own chair, arms crossed as he stares at the blonde standing in front of them.

“Jongin,” Sehun nods curtly, and Kyungsoo swears Sehun glared at him for a moment. “We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

The blonde sighs and his face softens, before he pulls Jongin out of his chair and out of kyungsoo’s sight. Kyungsoo bites down on his lip, wondering if Sehun saw Jongin preparing to kiss him.

He can’t help but feel his heart flutter a little, because it might signify a break-up and then Jongin will be all his entirely. But his heart sinks completely when Jongin and sehun come back into sight hand-in-hand, and then very deliberately, Sehun smiles at Kyungsoo as he slides his arm around jongin’s waist possessively. Jongin merely looks away.

Kyungsoo learns something new that day; when a heart breaks, it doesn’t break even.

 

--

 

Kyungsoo still wakes up at 9AM every morning even if he doesn’t have lessons, and after he washes up he hops into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. He realizes that Jongin isn’t going to come only after cracking two eggs, and a lump forms in his throat as he watches the eggs turn a dark shade of brown.

 

--

 

Jongin asks Kyungsoo to join him and Sehun for lunch in the university’s cafeteria, and Kyungsoo has a feeling that Sehun doesn’t quite like it. Still, he drags his defeated body over and sits down beside Jongin. Jongin beams at him like nothing’s wrong, like they’re still best friends that kiss and stuff and Kyungsoo feels tears threaten to spill.

Sehun’s face is gleeful, eyes glinting maliciously as he takes Jongin’s hand very slowly, wrapping his own thin and long fingers around jongin’s hand. Kyungsoo can still remember how warm and nice jongin’s hands feel against his cheeks as he gulps and tries to tear his eyes away, but he finds his eyes glued to the scene before him and his broken heart shatters a little more.

Jongin turns from Sehun to look at Kyungsoo, obvious concern written across his face. Kyungsoo swears he was going to burst out in tears if Joonmyun didn’t run to their table, slapping Sehun’s back playfully, obviously acquainted with the blonde.

Sehun turns to Joonmyun, temporary distracted as he slaps joonmyun’s , laughing and grinning. Kyungsoo can feel joonmyun’s eyes on him, but he ignores that because Jongin is staring into his eyes and nothing else in the world exists except for Jongin, Jongin, Jongin.

Jongin smiles, but Kyungsoo doesn’t return the smile and the younger male’s eyes wander down to kyungsoo’s trembling hand on the table. His arm twitches, and jongin’s gaze turns pleading.

Kyungsoo shakes his head slightly, a deep sigh escaping his lips as he stares back at Jongin firmly Hold my hand, I dare you, really.

Jongin clenches his fists and breaks the eye-contact, staring down at his lap until Sehun finishes his conversation with Joonmyun. Joonmyun squeezes in beside Kyungsoo, ruffling the younger male’s hair and Kyungsoo spots jongin’s body become rigid from the corner of his eye. Kyungsoo tries to smile, but it doesn’t quite come out the way he wants it to as the side of his lips twitches and then falls.

He’s pretty sure Jongin noticed, but Jongin doesn’t say another word for the rest of the lunch that was eaten in silence.

--

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t talk to Jongin for the next month, and he is beyond surprised when Jongin shows up at his door-step one day, at 2 in the morning. A sense of déjà vu engulfs Kyungsoo as he turns to let Jongin in. Jongin looks more fragile than ever tonight and all Kyungsoo wants to do is hold Jongin in his arms, form a protective bubble and never let him get hurt again, but he swallows that thought and instead sits across Jongin, hands clasped to stop them from trembling.

He has no idea why his heart aches. It’s a dull type of pain and he can feel his own chest compress and become numb.

“So…” Kyungsoo squeaks, hoping to break the silence but Jongin isn’t helping much with that as the younger male buries his face in his own hands, shoulders shaking. The next second Kyungsoo is right beside Jongin, a comforting arm draped around jongin’s shoulder as he pats his head awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say.

“What’s wrong, Jongin?”

Jongin responds by looking up at Kyungsoo with bloodshot-eyes red from crying and quivering lips before he forces Kyungsoo’s back to press against the soft material of the couch, smashing his lips against kyungsoo’s.

The kiss is rough, nothing like the kisses they’ve shared before but Kyungsoo realizes that he enjoys this kiss more because he feels wanted, secure, even if its going to last only for a second. He actually feels wanted by Jongin as Jongin s his tongue in without warning or waiting for permission. Tongues mate and Jongin grabs Kyungsoo’s waist. It’s skin to skin, bodies trying vigilantly to get closer and Kyungsoo cries out in pain as jongin’s nail digs into his bare skin. Jongin shuts him up with another kiss, both parties aggressive now and Kyungsoo feels like the friction from their lips might ignite a flame of passion any time soon. When Jongin pulls away, he’s a panting mess with swollen lips and lust-filled eyes, and Kyungsoo gulps at how y Jongin looks.

He wonders how Jongin can make him forget how to breathe just like that.

Kyungsoo pulls Jongin back down for one last kiss, one last kiss before he wake up from the lie that Jongin loves him, that Jongin wants him, that do Kyungsoo means a lot more than just a friend and play-mate to kim Jongin. Jongin bites down so hard on kyungsoo’s bottom lip that he tastes the metallic taste of blood, and Kyungsoo scowls at him. Jongin merely smirks and locks their lips together again.

It is Kyungsoo who pulls away this time, and he has to use all of his will-power to push Jongin off him and roll down the couch to get up. He’s panting, and he takes a few quick breaths to steady himself. Jongin still has that smirk on his face as he sits up, leaning lazily against the soft couch Kyungsoo often falls asleep on nowadays.

“Jongin, we need to talk.”

“We are talking right now, hyung.” Jongin replies, and Kyungsoo bites down on his own lip only to wince in pain.

“We can’t do this anymore. This has to stop. You need to stop. You need to make a choice. It’s me or Oh Sehun, Jongin, you can’t have the best of both worlds.” Kyungsoo begins, and his fists are clenched as his feelings come spilling out of him.

Jongin clenches and unclenches his jaws, and it takes a few seconds before he replies to Kyungsoo. “I can’t, hyung. I love Sehun, and I love you. You love me too, don’t you? What’s the problem?”

Jongin’s words burn far harder than his actions and Kyungsoo is crying before he even realizes it. “You only come to me when you get into an argument with sehun, you only come to me when you need me! You’re never there when I need you, you’re never there to hold me. You’re never there, Jongin, but I’m alway here or you.” The petite male looks down at the carpeted floor, tears falling out of him. “I got it, Jongin. A place to crash, I got you. No need to ask, i’ll always be here. So go ahead and make me cry, I’ll be alright.”

Kyungsoo sees the stiffness of anger across Jongin’s face before it spills from his lips. “You don’t understand how I feel about you Kyungsoo. You make me feel like a complete work of art when I’m just falling apart. I want to love you, but I love Sehun too. I want to love only one person too, but I can’t stop myself. You don’t get to control what you feel hyung, in case you didn’t know. It’s a crazy thing but it’s breath-taking and electrifying.”

Kyungsoo’s tears are no longer flowing as he stops shaking.

“Get out.” He whispers, and Jongin seems taken aback. Kyungsoo turns to Jongin, his own loud throbbing pulse beat in his ears as he points at the door. “Get. Out.” His voice is louder, firm, and devoid of all emotions this time round.

Jongin gazes bleakly at Kyungsoo, and the latter tastes the hovering uncertainty in the air before Jongin is leaving, leaving, and gone.

Go, going, gone.

There is a thickness in Kyungsoo’s throat as he wonders how many times a heart can break before it finally stops functioning.

 

 

--

 

 

 

Three weeks after that incident Kyungsoo sees Luhan and Sehun together in school. He keeps his head bowed until they pass him by and then follow after them secretly. They are almost identical, both blonde and extremely attractive and Kyungsoo is sure he won’t be able to tell them apart if Sehun wasn’t taller than Luhan. Sehun has his hand around Luhan’s wrist and Luhan keeps looking up to smile at him, and Kyungsoo flinches a little when Sehun leans down to kiss Luhan’s forehead.

He has no idea why, but he instinctively turns back and runs out of campus, and the seconds spent waiting at the bus stop feels like eternity. Jongin’s house is only a few stops away, but the bus is never fast enough as an out-of-breath Kyungsoo arrives before Jongin’s door, fanning himself. Shakily, he raises a finger and rings the door-bell.

Kyungsoo realizes he isn’t ready to face Jongin only after Jongin opens the door, looking very irritated. Kyungsoo’s heart throbs painfully at the sight of Jongin because Jongin looks broken and sad and Kyungsoo wonders when did jongin’s smiles start to disappear.

“Hyung?” Jongin’s frown is replaced with a small smile, and he backs off slightly to let Kyungsoo in. Kyungsoo swallows and enters jongin’s messy house, wrinkling his nose at the sight of the amount of dirty clothes and trash strewn around (no wonder Jongin has never liked the idea of Kyungsoo going over to his house). Jongin catches Kyungsoo’s disgusted expression and laughs sheepishly, running a hand through his hair absent-mindedly as he kicks the clothes into a corner.

“Jongin ah,” Kyungsoo stammers, lips going dry as Jongin bites on his bottom lip. “Did you and Sehun…”

He doesn’t have to finish his sentence before Jongin nods.

“We broke up.”

Kyungsoo’s throbbing heart nearly explodes and he finds himself breaking out into a grin he cannot suppress and it takes less than 3 seconds for him to wrap his arms around Jongin’s warm body. Jongin freezes, and panic takes over Kyungsoo for a second but then Jongin is hugging him back, Jongin is loving him back again.

“We can be together now, right? We can be together now; I don’t have to be the third party anymore…”

Kyungsoo is too happy to notice that Jongin doesn’t reply to that, because Jongin has his lips against Kyungsoo’s and Kyungsoo’s world is finally lighting up with fireflies.

 

 

--

 

 

“Hurry up before she runs away!”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but hurries after Joonmyun anyway, short legs running after another pair of short legs.

“Hurry up, Kyungsoo!”

“Hyung!” Kyungsoo whimpers, pouting. “It’s just a cat!”

Joonmyun had appeared in the library and dragged Kyungsoo out just to see a cat he found outside one of the buildings.

“It’s a really cute cat, and you two look completely identical. I thought you turned into a cat!” Joonmyun jokes, but it’s obviously a bad joke because Kyungsoo doesn’t even crack a smile and the older laughs at himself to feel better.

Kyungsoo’s footsteps come to a halt before they even see the cat, face impassive, eyes locked on the sight before him.

Sehun has Jongin pinned against the wall and is devouring his lips greedily, like a crazed beast deprived of food and Jongin… Jongin is enjoying the kiss, arms around Sehun’s body to pull him closer and Kyungsoo chooses to run away.

He knows he needs to really move on this time round, but how can he move on when he’s still in love with Jongin?

 

--

 

Jongin is never around anymore, instead, Joonmyun is.

Joonmyun kisses Kyungsoo at the back of the movie theatre, on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Kyungsoo has one hand curled around a bottle of orange juice and the other stuffed in his pocket because he’s absolutely freezing, and he doesn’t notice when Joonmyun comes closer because his eyes are glued to the screen. Joonmyun’s breath tickles his ear before Kyungsoo finally turns, and is met not with joonmyun’s smiley face but instead his soft lips. Joonmyun’s lips move against his own, and Kyungsoo is tempted to melt into the kiss because damn, Joonmyun has even softer lips than Jongin’s and he hasn’t felt so loved and needed in a long long time.

He hasn’t felt wanted since Jongin stopped coming to him.

Still, Kyungsoo digs his nails into his own skin to stop himself from kissing Joonmyun back because it’s wrong, it feels so wrong and everything’s wrong.

His heart doesn't race like the way it does when Jongin kisses him.
 

--

 

Kyungsoo confronts Jongin at the start of winter, because he can’t stand the bitter feeling in his heart every-time he walks past Jongin and Sehun. He grabs Jongin’s hand when he spots Jongin walking down the hallway alone and pulls him into a conveniently empty class-room nearby. Jongin looks a lot thinner, but other than that, he still looks like the man who broke kyungsoo’s heart.

Jongin is the one in the compromising position this time round; back against the wall as he leans against it, staring at Kyungsoo with wary eyes. Kyungsoo has to resist the urge to bury himself in jongin’s arms, to kneel before Jongin and beg him to never ever go back to Sehun again.

He wonders how Jongin can look so angelic when he’s really just a barrel of lies.

The speech Kyungsoo had prepared suddenly turns into a lump at his throat and he swallows it, tongue-tied. Jongin doesn’t say anything either as the two just looked at each other, perhaps for the very last time.

And then, very slowly, Jongin shakes his head and leaves the room, shutting the door after him.

The room is pitch-dark and Kyungsoo can’t see a single thing as he falls to the ground in a pile of limbs. Jongin says it best when he says nothing at all.

 

 

--

 

Joonmyun isn’t faltered by kyungsoo’s rejection and makes a daring request at Kyungsoo’s house in the middle of their study session (for Kyungsoo i is studying, for Joonmyun it’s more like gaming session).

“I’m going to Vancouver to study,” He says, voice smooth and gentle. “Can you come with me?”

Kyungsoo looks up from his notes to say no but finds himself saying the exact opposite when he looks at Joonmyun, because the sparkle in joonmyun’s eyes are glaringly obvious.

A wide smile slowly lights up Joonmyun’s face and for a second Kyungsoo thinks he is going to kiss him, but Joonmyun pulls Kyungsoo into a hug as the older male inhales the fragrance of kyungsoo’s shampoo, running his hand through kyungsoo’s hair.

Kyungsoo finds it depressing how Joonmyun always manages to make him feel so wanted and loved, but the only person he’s in love with is Kim Jongin.

 

 

--

 

 

With a heavy heart Kyungsoo boards the bus, two large suitcases in his hands.

He’s leaving at 3PM, and he figures that he still has time to visit Jongin before he leaves. He tells himself that he just wants to bid Jongin farewell, but he knows that it’s because he wants to see if Jongin will try to make him stay.

Two stops later, Kyungsoo discovers that he has lost all strength in his legs and can only watch helplessly as the bus-stop he should alight at to get to Jongin's house get further and further away until it disappears from sight.

 

--

 

Joonmyun wraps his arm around Kyungsoo from behind hesitantly, waiting for Kyungsoo to push him away but Kyungsoo doesn’t and instead leans against him.

“Are you sure about this?” Joonmyun asks. “It’s not too late to back out. I’m not gonna be upset or anything, I want you to be doing this because you really want to.”

“I’m fine, Joonmyun. I really want to go abroad to study.”

Joonmyun whispers a faint “but Jongin…”

“It was never love, Joonmyun. It was always me playing house in the ruins of us.” Kyungsoo replies quietly, and Joonmyun presses his lips against the back of kyungsoo’s head.

“Let’s go.”

Joonmyun takes a step back and holds his hand out, and Kyungsoo takes it as the two walks into the departure hall.

It still hurts like hell, and Kyungsoo still feels like he’s drifting around aimlessly in the middle of a crowd, but at least this time Kyungsoo won’t be left alone.