{ Forever }

Word Count: 2, 523
Pairing: - 

{♥} aDOrable_ {♥}

He really hopes he'll land soon because he's tired of falling

There are a million things on Kris’ mind but he tries to think of none and instead focuses on his group members’ faces; Kyungsoo and Jongin constantly eye-ing and the way Luhan’s eyes crinkle up when he laughs or smiles at the ridiculous jokes Chanyeol is telling. He lets himself get lost in Yixing’s adorable dimple and tries to block out that voice in his head, but it isn’t working very well because there is a feeling of guilt stabbing at his heart and it gets stronger and stronger with every breath until it reaches an intolerable level, and he turns his head away from everyone, face twisted with pain.

It hurts.

Something warm lands on his elbow and Kris looks back to see Yixing looking at him with a concerned expression. He glances around quickly to make sure no one else noticed, and mouths ‘later’ to Yixing. The latter’s concerned expression turns to a curious one but he doesn’t push on any further and instead settles on a subtle nod and turning back to his plate of rice.

Kris forces the corners of his lips to tip upwards as naturally as they can but it doesn’t go as well as he expected and he wrinkles his nose, palms tightening into fists around the soft cashmere material of his white sweater.

“Kris?” Chanyeol calls, concern written all across his handsome face. “Are you all right? You seem to be behaving oddly, ever since you came back from that trip. Is everything fine?”

Kris feels the attention of all 11 members become a crazy weight on his shoulders and he squirms uncomfortably in his seat, nodding quickly. “I guess I’m just not feeling very well, the plane trip wasn’t a very comfortable one and I had to adapt to temperature differences too and I did a lot of moving around and it wasn’t a very pleasant time spent away from you guys, I missed you all and also the food in Seoul.” He blabbers, but even gullible Baekhyun doesn’t look convinced and Kris eventually gets tired of his own voice, tension bouncing off the walls around them, solidifying around him to create a barrier from everyone else. “Okay. Fine. I lied.”

Sehun makes a harrumphing noise like he had just admitted to something very stupid. “We can all tell, hyung, we’ve been with you long enough to know something’s wrong. Very wrong. Tell us.”

“It’s just,” Kris casts his gaze downwards at his own jeans, suddenly missing the feeling of his long fringe against his forehead. He feels very vulnerable all of a sudden, and he wonders if its solely because of his haircut. “I… I have to leave.”

“Leave?” Joonmyun echoes the last word and turns it into a question, directing it back at Kris.

“Yeah, something happened. I went away because my mother was in a critical condition, like you all know, and when I went back she expressed her wish for me to continue my studies. And I hope you guys noticed the fact that I never called her mom, I called her mother, and you guys can probably infer a lot from that. She’s not just any other mother, and I’m fighting hard to stay but I don’t think I’m going to win this battle. She’s been contacting our company for the past 2 months and I really don’t know what’s going to happen, but I think I have to leave. I’m the reason why the comeback is being delayed, I’m also the reason why EXO is not able to continue moving forward. Regardless of whether I actually leave or not, my presence here in EXO is already delaying everything and this war of staying will be a long one. I can’t afford to let this happen, so I have to leave.” Kris clears his throat nervously to signal the end to his long speech, and the long silence that follows nearly suffocates him as he continues keeping his gaze downwards.

The first one that speaks up is Chanyeol. His comical grin is gone for once and he speaks very slowly and clearly, putting emphasis on each word. “You’re leaving us?”

Kris flinches like those were words turned daggers and he allows silence to speak for him.

“You can’t leave, hyung…” Jongin whispers. “There’s so much we haven’t been through together, so much we haven’t experienced, so much we haven’t done for EXO and for all our fans.”

“We’re not complete without you, Kris, don’t you get it?” Kyungsoo adds, and Kris has no idea why he finds it hard to meet those big eyes he once found fascinating.

“Is this what you’ve been hiding from us all along?” Yixing asks, his voice sounding tired and defeated and Kris slouches against his seat, willing his cashmere sweater to just swallow him up. Coming clean with all the members was much harder than making the decision to leave.

“I’m sorry,” Those two words leaves Kris’ mouth and Luhan lies back on his seat like he’s been shot, attracting a glance from both Sehun and Xiumin. “I’m really sorry.”

“You can’t be so irresponsible, Kris, you can’t just… leave!”

“Yeah, what are we going to do? How are we going to be one now?”

“How are the fans going to respond to this? Are you crazy?”

He accepts them all, aware that he deserves all the hurt and pain he inflicted on s as he closes his eyes, secret tears forming behind closed eye-lids.

--

For the first time, the trip back to the dormitory was particularly quiet and Kris wastes no time in drawing the line between himself and everyone else, determined to cause no further hurt to anyone more. The company isn’t approving of his decision to leave EXO, but he has already made up his mind at the performance in Thailand with EXO-M will be his last performance as Kris Wu, leader of EXO-M.

Everyone stays away from him, even Chanyeol who has some sort of weird and intense admiration for the Chinese leader, even Zitao who admires him twice as much as Chanyeol does. Well, almost everyone. Yixing approaches him as he stands at the balcony alone, staring up at the twinkling night sky.

It isn’t fair.

His world has completely fallen apart and the world is still spinning fine without him, the stars are still shining brightly.

Yixing puts his hand on Kris’ elbow, their shared little gesture and Kris can’t help but relax into his touch although he should really be blocking Yixing out as well.

“Beautiful, isn’t it? I’ve always found the night sky in Korea much more breath-taking than the night sky in China.” Yixing says dreamily, and when Kris steals a glance at him Yixing is no longer there. The smaller Chinese man is still physically there, but he’s already lost in another world, a much happier universe as Yixing’s eyes seem to shine brighter than the stars.

Helpless, Kris can’t help but smile as well.

Yixing is contagious.

Yixing doesn’t speak a single word of Kris leaving throughout the night and Kris finally feels like he’s actually living, like he’s actually part of this world. He feels happy.

--

Everything is awkward.

Everyone seems to be avoiding him to a certain extent, especially Zitao and Sehun. They refuse to even make eye-contact and Kris can only sigh in frustration because it is his own fault and he deserves it all. Even guardian Joonmyun is at a complete loss of what to do as he exchanges awkward eye-contacts with Kris and Kris can only smile to let Joonmyun know that it’s not his fault.

Kris curses under his breath as they step out of the airport, welcoming Thailand’s blistering heat and he hears Xiumin mumble something about wanting to strip and jump into a pool. A small smile tugs at his lips and he contents himself with watching Yixing and Luhan discuss excitedly about this and that, everything they’re seeing for the very first time.

“Let’s go.” Chen touches Kris’ hand lightly and Kris follows after them, lagging behind on purpose to avoid any awkward conversation that will surely happen as soon as he falls into step beside someone. He’d willingly settle for Yixing, but Luhan and Yixing are still excitedly blabbering on in Chinese and Zitao is stuck firmly beside Xiumin and Chen. Zitao seems to be really mad at him, that boy hasn’t spoken a single word to him since that day.

Kris feels jittery and nervous because he’s been away for a long time and only managed to get 5 practices with EXO-M in the studio before they have to go to Thailand and rehearse one final time before performing for all their fans. The wave of cool air that hits them when they enter their respective hotel rooms is a blessing and Kris lets out a small happy sigh, busying himself with unpacking. Zitao is sharing a room with Xiumin this time and the chubby male dragged Chen along because he somewhat feels awkward with Zitao and their communication barrier doesn’t do much to help. Luhan and Yixing are immediate room-mates and Kris tries to be happy about having a whole room to himself, but there’s nothing more he wants than to sit huddled together with all the other members like they sometimes do after an exhausting performance.

He pushes that thought away because sometimes it’s not the bad memories that hurt, it’s the good ones.

Kris spreads his arms wide, back facing the bed and he closes his eyes before he allows himself to fall... fall… fall… and then finally land on the bed, bouncing slightly, but he still feels like he’s falling. He really wishes he’d land soon, because he’s getting tired of the feeling of having absolutely nothing under him.

--

He has nearly forgotten the joy and satisfaction he gets from performing, nearly forgotten about his dream and passion and what kept him holding on for so long despite the violent objections from his mother although he was already of age when he first auditioned for SM. Still, something feels different today because his heart still feels heavy despite the overwhelming amount of fans screaming his name. Kris grins although tears are threatening to spill, and he hopes no one notices the way he is holding everything in. His standard has dropped significantly, and Kris tries to use smiles and sweet-nothings to make up for that as he does ‘I love you’ hand gestures for the fans. The crowd goes wild and Luhan beams proudly at him, and Kris’ heart sinks a little lower because everything just ing hurts.

Kris smashes his fist against the wall in the bathroom when he is safely back in his own safe heaven after the concert has ended, gritting his teeth at the pain and sadly the physical pain he feels isn’t enough to cover the emotional pain he’s feeling deep inside.

--

The phone call comes in the middle of the night, constant vibration digging deep into Kris’ skin as the tall man grunts irritably and answers it with a gruff voice. The sleepiness vanishes in just three seconds as he drops the phone, watching it bounce a few times on the bed before falling onto the floor and disappearing out of his sight.

Just as well.

He crawls out of bed in a pair of boxers and wife-beater, dazed expression as he walks slowly to the door. He pushes the door open before the news finally sink in and he takes off running, and he is pounding on the door of Luhan and Yixing’s shared room. A sleepy Luhan with hair sticking out everywhere opens the door, Yixing peeking behind him and they both watch Kris march into the room with eyes as wide as Kyungsoo’s.

“I’m not leaving anymore.” Kris’ voice trembles, and he stumbles on his words, so he takes a deep breath and tries again. “I’m not leaving anymore.”

“What?”

“She’s gone.” Kris mumbles, pacing around the room restlessly, running a hand through his hair as his heart pounds against his chest relentlessly. “My mother is gone. She’s dead. She died.”

Yixing realizes first and puts his hand on Kris’ elbow, and Kris is tempted to take the man into his arms and never let go. “I’m sorry about your mother, Kris.”

“But I’m not,” Kris grins half-heartedly. “Because she’s gone, and I don’t have to leave anymore. I don’t have to leave any of you, I don’t have to let go of my dreams. I was wondering when that stubborn old horse will go.”

“You mean you aren’t even sad?” Yixing looks absolutely appalled, but there is a hint of a smile on his beautiful lips. Luhan just looks on amusedly, and glamorously more awake now.

“She’s my mother after all, I suppose I am, but we’ve never really spent much time together, I was really just her puppet toy my whole life. Now she’s gone, I’m free.” Kris finally gives in and throws his arm around Yixing, and in a moment everything is flipped. Instead of hugging Yixing, Yixing is hugging him and Kris lets himself relax completely, tempted to cry because he’s just so overwhelmed with emotions.

He’s finally free, and he’s never felt so light for a long time. He’s finally landed, and he’s now safe in Yixing’s arms.

--

“I’ll race you!” Zitao shouts at Yixing, and Yixing sticks his tongue out.

“Starting in 3, 2, 1!”

Luhan chuckles happily, clapping his hands as Zitao and Yixing race towards the van. Kris walks with springs in his feet and the sky is bluer than it has ever been. Zitao reaches the van first, as expected, and turns back to the walking members with his hands on his hips and a haughty expression.

“PEASANTS, TIME TO EXERCISE YOUR LAZY BONES!”

Chen and Luhan laughs before Luhan grabs Chen’s wrist and they’re off, running, running to their future as well.  Xiumin stays close to Kris, beaming happily at the taller male.

“I’m glad you’re not leaving anymore.”

“And I’m glad I’m here to stay.”

Strolling behind the running kids with someone he treasures dearly, Kris stuffs his fists into the pockets of his jeans and mouths a ‘sorry’. The kids are all tired and out of breath when Xiumin and Kris got to the van, and Yixing grins as he climbs into the van after Kris.

“Ready to walk towards the future now?” Yixing whispers.

Kris grins back after meeting Zitao’s apologetic eyes. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

So much more he hasn’t done for and with EXO, so much more bonds and memories he has to create with EXO members, so much more he has to do.

But most importantly, he can finally breathe.

“Let’s go!” Luhan shouts excitedly. “I can’t wait to show the rest what I got for them!”

“And I can’t wait to tell them that Kris isn’t leaving anymore.” Zitao mumbles, looking apologetically at Kris again.

“To infinity and beyond!” Yixing cheers, and the members all wolf-whistle in approval.

“To infinity and beyond.” Kris agrees.