2013.10.08

Back to present (Right after Chapter 1)

yep, that was all a flashback

∞

What?! What the…? He just vanishes and then appears as he wants. I’m sick of it.

Without thinking it over, I coldly typed a simple ‘What do you want?’ and pressed send.

I couldn’t understand the way he thought anymore. After he transferred, we still met up sometimes and kept in touch with a few texts sometimes, until about two years ago he just vanished into thin air and that got me firstly dead worried then awfully angry at him.

After a few seconds his answer came.

‘Say that I’m sorry. Can we meet up one of these days? I need to talk to you and text won’t do. I’ll explain everything. Please just give me a chance.’

I wasn’t even a bit convinced, but I still agreed to meet up. Why? I could just go back home if his excuses sounded like lies once he would spat them out.

‘Thanks. You remember the café where we met before I moved? How about meeting there?’

‘Fine. Tomorrow at 8pm’ I answered.

‘Ok. See you tomorrow then.’

∞

When I got there I found him in waiting for me. He was drinking coffee and – what seemed like – playing with his phone, glancing from time to time to the shop entrance. Noticing his tensed behaviour, my anger toward him subdued, even if only by a little. He was obviously trying to cover his anxiousness playing with his phone but those hasty glances to the door betrayed him.

Once I walked through the door he noticed me and put his phone aside and smiled, nervously. I wanted to rub that smile off his face regardless of his nervousness.

I went to the counter and ordered a cappuccino and asked if they could bring it to the table where he sat.

“You really came.” He said once I sat down in front of him.

“You see me. I came.” I retorted. “Just what do you want?”

He looked at me in the eyes for the while before speaking. “Look. I’m sorry, but I have my reasons for being a coward and a jerk.”

Oh, really!? I can’t wait to hear them. I almost spat out but resolved in just stay silent glaring at him.

 “Look… I had my reason -” Joonmyeon tried to say calmly.

“That’s what everybody says.” I spat out without even thinking. I couldn’t help but notice that he was becoming more anxious due to my behaviour, but I strongly believed in what I said. He deserved to be anxious just how I was at first when he disappeared.

A snort left his mouth while he tried to calm himself once again.

“Let me talk instead of just venting your anger on me.” He said once he calmed down looking me right in the eyes.

“Ok.” I complied even though I was still pissed at him.

He looked at me for a while. I could see he was in deep thought though as after a while he just started frowning and his eyes lost their focus on me as if I was a glass he was looking through.

“Look,” he started “I know I’m a jerk, a bastard, or whatever other insult you probably want to throw at me, and you probably don’t have any space for me in your life anymore. Even so I think you deserve a reason why and we should put a stone on this and either start anew or say a definitive goodbye.”

I just stood there looking at him, waiting for his explanation, so after a few second he continued.

“You already know that right after the divorce my mother moved to another city and I followed her.”

I simply nodded.

“Well, after a while she started dating, I was happy for her, but I saw how I was a burden for the development of her new relationship. Even though she tried not to make me notice, it was quite obvious for me, so I decided to live by myself. I was still receiving some help money from both of my parents, plus I worked as a delivery boy part-time, so I was doing quite well.” He paused and took a sip of his coffee while looking out of the window. “But one day I found the door of my apartment open and some money I kept inside was gone with my phone. I had to move back with my father for a while and my phone was never found so I lost all the contacts I had in there and I had no other way to contact you or the others and I don’t actually get SNS.” His face turning into a funny frown showing visually how complicated it was for him.

“After a while I convinced my parents to let me go back to live alone and a few months ago I casually met Chen so I was able to get your number, but I was scared of how you would react so I just sent you a message a few days ago. So these are my reasons. It sounds like a lame excuse right?”

“To tell you the truth, yes.” I said bluntly. “You could have done something instead of just waiting that Chen magically reappeared in front of you. If these are your reasons, then I was better off without you. I’m going.” I said picking up my stuff ready to go out and away from him.

“Kyungsoo, I couldn’t. I really couldn’t I would have if I could.” He said. His voice was low but there was despair in it.

“Listen I’m not as docile and nice as the Kyungsoo you knew so get out of my face, liar.” I said leaving.

As I got out, I saw him falling into his chair his hands rapidly messing his hair in frustration.

He wasn’t the only one frustrated, so I opted for a relaxing walk before going home, so that I could digest everything he told me and decide on what to do about this all story.

I started by trying to put the pieces of his story together to understand why he couldn’t contact me. I didn’t actually believe him, but I didn’t want to have regrets, not anymore. I liked him and he just vanished into thin air that’s why I hated him so much, and also why I regretted not confessing before he stopped contacting me. Once my anger and frustration subdued I started to make my way back home, still thinking about how sincere he sounded even though his reasons seemed more like lame excuses.

In half an hour I was back home. I found Myungsoo in the kitchen eating some sandwich saying that he was still hungry. I just laughed it off and chit-chatted with him while I was preparing my own sandwich.

After a while he started yawning. “Sorry, I had a tough day I suppose.” He said with a small smile. “Hyung will go to bed, you should eat your sandwich, it probably wasn’t easy for you too.” He said ruffling my hair before going to his room.

After I finished my dinner, I went up the stairs and came to the conclusion that if his story was true, it’s quite understandable that he didn’t have my number or my friends’ number anymore, so he couldn’t find a connection to me – other than take a train a make me a visit. Plus even if he could use SNS he wouldn’t find as I didn’t have an account in most of them and the ones that I have were quite, how to say it, secretive.

I threw myself on the bed and hugged my plushie while I thought once again about everything, trying to make a decision. In the end, I fished my phone out of my pocket and quickly sent him a message, before falling asleep.

∞

A.N.

So after a long while I'm back with an update!

Yay! *Throws confetti in the air*

But sadly I don't have any idea on what's going to happen right after this chapter (hence the cliffhanger)

and right now (most likely lately) I'm kind of busy with my life and university,

(reason why I don't manage to find time to think about this story and its plot)

so I probably won't be updating anytime soon... :(

I'm sorry for disappointing you and for the cliffhanger (?) (I hate them myself) T-T

Send me some inspiration and love! :D

Till next time,

Who_Am_I