Xiumin’s P.O.V

            By now I think Suho has caught on about my crush on Chen. I mean I have him cover for me so much that he’s getting aggravated and demands to know who I go to meet even though he has an idea. Today I decided not to see Chen and focus on all my work since I have to. Kris is starting to get angry about it and wants me to make up the hours I’ve spent out. I don’t really mind that I have to work more; it gives me time to think things through and just reflect.

            “Kris I think you should go home now…” I said softly, the look on his face seemed so dark and tired that I knew something was stressing my former love. I shouldn’t keep referring to him like that but I really did love him. I loved him with all my heart and at that time I would lay my life down for him- and I still would today.

            “Maybe you’re right Minsoek.” He sighed loudly before fixing the mass of papers on his desk and throwing his jacket over his shoulder, he looks so handsome like this. I shook my head; I really need to see Chen. I miss his beautiful face and that voice that made me feel as though I was locked in a curse. Almost as though he sings to put me in a curse, I was born to be in that curse and if it was because of Chen I wouldn’t mind. He’s all that matters to me at this point, this one sided love is going to kill me because there is no way I could tell the boy who doesn’t love that I love him. I will confuse him so badly about everything in life and the poor boy doesn’t even know if he’s gay or not to begin with. It’s just so difficult, I want to love him and prove to him that I love him but I can’t because I really don’t want to lose him in the process of proclaiming my love for him.

            “Minsoek are you ok?” Kris said to me. I barely remember getting into his car let alone do I remember him driving in the direction of his house not mine.

            “Um, yeah I’m fine.” I lied. I lied because I didn’t know how to explain myself to anyone because what I feel deep down inside of me is to complicated to even begin with. I don’t know where to begin to explain myself or where to end it.

            “You can’t lie to me Minsoek, I know you aren’t fine.” Kris said in a soothing voice that reminded me why I fell in love with him. But then there was the reason I stopped, he wouldn’t return the love and I understood why.

            “I… I can’t do this Kris.” I could feel my throat tighten with every word I wanted to say. My eyes burned and I didn’t know what to say. “I can’t, I just can’t.” I covered my face with my hands and let the tears flow because there isn’t a point of trying to keep them in any longer. Honestly it hurts so much to deal with something this complicated. I loved crying in front of Kris because he knows when to leave a person alone when they cry and he knows when it’s his time to conform and right now I just want to cry alone.

            “I should take you home…” I heard Kris whisper to himself but I nodded anyways and dried my face with the back of my hand. I don’t want to keep crying, I just want to breathe and think normally.

            “I’m sorry Kris, I shouldn’t be crying like this.” I confessed.

            “Cry all you want, it’s good for you.” He said almost in a friendly voice, he really must be tired.

            “Kris, did you get the date with Tao yet?” I asked hoping to change the conversation to something happier. He looked at me with a glare but nodded.

            “Yeah I did, I really don’t know what to do.” He said as he turned a sharp corner nearly killing us both.

            “What the hell was that Kris?! Are you trying to kill me?!”

            “Sorry I was just thinking…” He mummer to himself and I grinned.

            “Thinking about Tao again huh? I understand that boy is adorable and has thee roundest ever, no wonder you don’t like him. It’s a shame, who knows maybe Lay already found his way into him already.” I said jokingly but Kris glared at me but I shrugged it off knowing I hit a bottom there.

            “Don’t say something like that so lightly Minsoek. How would you feel if I said what if Chen already loved Chanyeol?” He was right it hurt; it hurt more than he intended it too but it hurt.

            “He doesn’t love people Kris, that’s where you went wrong.” I said before climbing out the car and slamming the door shut he had already parked in front of my apartment and he crossed a line there. I could hear him call out after me but it wasn’t working. It hurt me so much because he could be telling the truth and that’s why Chen doesn’t love anymore.

            I climbed into bed and reached for my phone and sent him a quick message.

            Good night babe, maybe I’ll see you tomorrow. –Xiu Xiu

            As I lay in bed I got another message. For some reason I was scared to check who it was because either it was Kris or Chen and right now I don’t know if I want to speak to either of them. I’m just so torn and damaged that I can’t think of anyone who would want me.

            Good night Xiu Xiu, I’ll find a way to spend some time with my little Baozi even if the mean Kris won’t let you leave that stuffy office. See you tomorrow. –Chen Chen

            This isn’t working, I’m reading it the way I want it to be but I know it’s not like that. It’s not like that at all and I can’t seem to get that through my head. I throw a punch to the wall beside me and sat up in bed letting everything sink in. He doesn’t love me, he won’t love me and he will hurt me just like Kris did. Stop trying to get him, stop calling him babe and sweetie because it won’t get you anywhere. Stop seeing him because it will kill you ever single day you see him. I give up; I shouldn’t see him until I figure this out.

            The next afternoon I was hard at work putting all my focus on my work and never looking up unless I was called. People could tell I wasn’t my normal self but I don’t really care they should just be doing their work.

            “Xiu Xiu, hi!” I turned to see Chen standing there with a big smile; I turned my face away feeling a swirl of feelings come over me.

            “I have work to do Chen.” I whispered lightly not wanting to speak louder.

            “But I wanted to hang out today Xiu…” he was frowning I can picture it right now. Those lips would be pursed and he would bat those damn lashes of his and I would break but not today.

            “I really can’t, you should leave.” I could hear my own voice crack but I kept up the face I need him to see. The second I saw he was on the elevator I rushed to Kris’ office and shut the door behind me letting my back slid down the cool surface. I let my face fall between my legs as I sobbed because it hurt like hell to see him walk out like that, I can’t take the pain and rejection but I just want to love and love him.

            “I can’t love him Kris…” I cried as he pulled me into his embrace. “It hurts too much Kris. I don’t want to fall for him.”

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A/N: Two days of no new chapter? It shouldnt be like this! Hello everyone it's Baby Panda here, how are you guys. Well i should be sleeping or doing homework but i couldnt focus and did a Baozi chapter for you all.  I think more people should see how he feels because he hurts a lot. Comment, Subscribe and upvote !!!!~~Baby Panda