It was summer, as far as my memories could go. I think it summer, the end of summer, a year ago. Yes, summer. Couple usually goes on date on summer, enjoying the heat of the sun, and hang out like there will be no tomorrow. They share their affection to each other, despite the heat that would fire their hot-tempered self easily. Yes, dates.

However, that day, I don’t remember seeing affectionate couple. No more kisses and hugs, couple rings, and morning coffee in a small coffee shop. It was summer yet it wasn’t hot since it rains heavily. I was wearing my coat that day, combined with my dark umbrella to protect my petite figure from the rain. The gloomy aura, I remember how it almost took over me.

I don’t see happiness, as if the world has drowned deep inside the overwhelming darkness. Tears are flowing out of girl’s eyes. The overwhelming darkness and sadness that keeps on eating them inside and out. Their ring, scattered on the ground, couple rings. Their promises have broken. Tears that are overwhelming them.

I could see them, wearing the best outfits they could find, having all their money spent only for their perfect looks. Their hair, it took hours to make it so perfect. They even force their body, squeezing themselves to the best outfits, suffocating their lungs. Yet they did it, all the hard works, only to be ruined at the end.

And now, they all are crying so hard. Tears that are overwhelming, rolling downs their cheeks and finally fade away together with the raindrops. The raindrops, reminiscing their never ending pain and sadness- their broken heart. It will never heal their broken heart.

Their gazes stick to a man, on the other side of the bridge, separated by the huge river. A man, wearing a hat with a gentle smile on his face, holding hands with a beautiful woman. They’re laughing, kissing, and hugging. In front of her very eyes, he has moved on, breaking her apart. He has another woman, yet she could never move on.

Silly, I thought it was silly. A stupid woman who keeps on waiting over a man who doesn’t even look at her. A stupid woman who keeps on dreaming on for something impossible. And now, all of them are crying, standing strong beside the beach, watching their loved one kissing another girl. They should have stopped loving their man and search for another love. Because love wasn’t that much important, it’s stupid. Therefore, I never believed in them.

I can’t live without him.

There the saying goes another idiotic thing to say. They cried stupidly, as if they have lost their brain. How long are they going to cried? They have been crying for days, maybe for months and years, yet they are still crying over the man. And even keeping the rings they used to promise. Idiot, they are all idiot. How long are they going to be an idiot?

That man, he doesn’t even look at them. And they keep on being idiots, waiting and loving them like there’s no other man in the world. They must be blind, unable to see another man. No, they must be insane, clinging into one man that had only brought pain upon them. Yes, they are all insane, waiting for someone that will never be theirs.

The word mine would never exist for them, who waited for a man that will never be theirs. Idiot, those are idiots and in the end, they will be lonely, dying all alone. They will be crying their lungs out for centuries, bearing pain for not being able to get over the man they used to love. Yes, idiots.

Yet why? Why can’t I stop loving him? Why? Tell me why can’t I stop loving him? No matter how hard I tried to forget him, this heart of mine keeps on loving him. No matter how many times I told myself to stop loving him, the feelings grow stronger. No matter how many times I force myself not to look at him, my eyes keep on wandering around, searching for him.

I want to stop loving him. I really do, I should stop loving him. I really need to stop loving him. I must stop loving him. It’s a one-sided love with no hopes at all. I was the only one in love, the only one who keeps on loving him despite the pain. The feelings have brought me nothing but pain, only pain.

He never looks at me, never once. Truly, never once. Our eyes never met, although I spent so many efforts to search for him. His dark orbs, it will always be beyond my reach. When did I start being such an idiot? I may have turned insane, just like those other girls, because I simply can’t stop loving him.

I have turned dumb and irrational. I have turned insane. A year ago on a beautiful day in autumn, I turned insane. I could no longer think straight. I could no longer smile. Tears have been overwhelming me since this is the first time I have ever felt such a sensational tingling feelings. Because a year ago, I fell to a one-sided love and I can’t stop loving him.

The way he sees her was different. His gaze has always been directed to her, as if he was amazed by her perfect-gorgeous figure. He always smiles ear to ear, each time he sees her and she will always reply his gazes. They have gone closer as I distant myself away. An inch was the only thing left between them- their hearts and body. A mile was the only thing left between us- our hearts and body.

It hurts me, knowing he had fall for another woman instead of me. I may have turned insane and even selfish, wanting to have him all for me. I have turned into such a bad and selfish woman, having the urge to take over him. He’s mine; you would never imagine how much I desired to be able to say the three words.

For God Sake, I was envious. I wanted to be her, in that soul, in that beauty, in that position. And as time pass by, they share everything. They share everything to each other, even their personal issues. And we have never even talked, not even properly seeing each other.

And there the day has come, when I really turned insane. The day I got wrecked and torn apart, the day I transformed to a mess. The day my sweet dreams turn to nightmare and the sun got drown within the depth of the darkness. Yes, the day I would like to forget.

I have been the one loving, the one caring, yet love conquers some but not all. I was unlucky and she was very lucky. I saw them, I swear I saw them. And that moment I would like to ran away- from life and reality, I would like to transform into a princess from fairy  tales even Juliette from the classics would be fine. I would rather be dead together with him, rather than having to witness these tragic things.

They dance, simply for a drama. He was dressed perfectly, in white suit and black tie, I was mesmerized by him. It was the first time; I know how the ba-thump ba-thump feelings feel like. It was the first time, I realizes how first love feels like. He was too perfect, barely impossible to exist. I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot, a wrong decision.

Because, soon, I too was broken apart. She come, dressed in her best outfits- a red gown. She looks perfect, gorgeous. She looks that much magnificent, as I was only dressed in my simplest uniform. She wore her makes-up, shining brightly with her beauty. I was bare-faced with my messy hair. She wore high-heels with her perfect body figure; I wore sneakers with my petite small body.

The music started and I was there, watching everything happens as I hide from the pain. His arm was on her waist, gently holding to it. He never knows, he shall never know how long I have been lingering for his touch. I have no choice but to admit, she’s lucky, she’s very lucky. And then, it hit me hard.

How compatible they are, perfectly fits each other.

If I was to be there, the one who replaced her, he will be disappointed. I won’t be that much compatible; I won’t be that much perfect compared to her. I would only bring vain upon him. I was better being invisible, drowning myself to the pain of a one-sided love. The word I love you will never be able to reach him.

I supposed, I should have confessed to him. Yet it was a mistake of mine, of being shy and having too much pride. I was unable to confess to him, instead I choose too late. I guess now, if I ever say I love you, the feelings would never reach him. He has gone out of the reach.

I need to cover my mouth, to prevent me from sobbing loudly. I could fill it, the tears filling my eyes, pushing me to the verge of tears. It would roll down anytime, as the pain keeps on stabbing my heart. That time, I told myself to stop loving him, to forget about him.

The music started and they dance. I remember how they stare into each other eyes so sweetly. His dark orbs against her warm brown orbs, deep stares just like love birds. Their steps were on rhythm, as they keeps on sticking each other gazes, deepening their stares. And that time, I was sure they loved each other.

The throbbing feelings come stronger; I clenched my fist, burying my painted nails deep inside my skin. I was on the verge of tears, ready to cry anytime soon. But I held it deep, as I will let it all go at the end of the day. That day, I told myself for the hundreds time, to stop loving him, to stop looking for him, to forget him.

Yet why? Why can’t I stop loving him? I used to think that those who are bounded to a one-sided love are stupid. Yet now, I can’t get over him, despite the fact that I should and I must stop loving him. I need to get rid of this insanity and feelings. But why is it so hard to erase these feelings? Do I need to take my heart out of this body and soul- and kill it? So I won’t be suffocating this much anymore?

Then, I turn selfish, naïve, and cruel. This heart of mine hates her, having the urge to annihilate her, simply to steal him from her embrace. I hate her; I hate her for being very lucky, for loving him, and for being loved by him. I hate her, everything about her, because I was envious of her. She got everything she wants, while I suffer from pain without being able to reach my dreams. Life is so unfair.

And when the day ends, I wasn’t surprise to hear such news. I wasn’t surprise yet I was very much broken. I was prepared yet was unable to accept it. The news, they dated each other. I should have known, I should have not fallen for him. I should have not let myself to fall in love. I should have not let this feelings grows. Idiot.

They dated. They dated. They love each other. He loves her, not me. He only looks at her, not me. He touches her, not me. He talks to her, not me. She’s everything but not me.

It was the end of the day, when the school was already empty. The newlywed had just come out from the classroom, after spending their intimate moments. I saw them, kissing passionately. I saw them, teasing each other. I was broken yet I wasn’t strong enough to struggle.

And now I am, being a stalker. I walked behind them, holding everything inside, including the pain and the tears. I was good, too good in hiding feelings. I should learn to become secret agents, at least to use this capability for something useful. I was hurt so much, yet I was able to pretend.

She was clinging to his arm and each time he would steal kisses. They would lock lips from time to time, in public or private places. And here I am, watching them being so affectionate.

Soon, they disappear from my sight, as I was unable to walk any longer. The sky was orange and pinkish, a beautiful view. They fade behind the horizons and they simply look perfect. Perfect, an opposite of me. My hearts ache so much that I has turn incapable of releasing anymore of energy. And I spotted a blue rose next to me, blooms perfectly and my memories started to rush back and forth.

I fell to my knees, crying my lungs out. My body trembles, the pain turn clear. It’s a one-sided love. I should have realizes it sooner, we’re living in the two different worlds that would never collide. We’re living on the same earth but two different fates that would never collide. I was hopelessly wishing upon a star, I supposed it was a wasteful thing to do.

I should stop loving him, yet failed. Even after months and years, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stop loving him. I wanted to get rid of the pain and insanity. I am insane, I have turned insane, like those woman that I met on summer. I have turned insane. Love was simply a mystery that only brought pain. Therefore, I have no longer believed in them.

Blue roses, he’s my unrequited love. Please tell him that I love him.

A/N

Hi there! I was going to stop writing, but today, I attends an event that gives me the feelings to write! I was unable to hold it inside, so I decided to write. Please, don't expect too much from this chapter, because I don't think this story has been fitting greatly to your expectations. I rush this a bit, sorry for the grammar error and misspelling that has become a lot. Please tolerate it a bit and please leaves me some comments and encouragement, see you all next time! Thank you.