Its autumn, it’s finally autumn. The cold breezes greet me as I left my house and step outside. A slight pain hit my chest, as my eyes wander around, as my head fly up high in the clouds. The cold breezes once again greet me, touching me from head to toe without any permission. I don’t like it, no, not the slightest bit. They send shiver down my body, whom rather weak for the last few weeks.

The warmth has long gone, leaving me with a slight cold autumn. The romantic season finally arrived, painting the world with romance. Yet romance doesn’t belong to someone like me. I don’t believe in love, I don’t believe in romance. No, I don’t believe in them any longer. I have just gotten my head straight. Therefore, I don’t believe in them anymore.

The tree was almost left with branches, dry as they linger for water and nutrition. They look lonely, as they lose their leaf piece by piece. One… two… three… I could count the last amount of leaf with my hand. They stood weakly, at the edge of branch, ready to fall anytime, joining the other leaf that scattered on the ground. Pretty, that’s one I thought.

I drown my face beneath the red scarf I wear; the cold breezes greet me again. I rub my hands together, trying to warm myself up. My eyes once again wonder around, seeing couples hugging together in front of my house. A woman and man, even childhood friends are doing the same. It hits me hard, the sudden pain.

Her hands crawled up to her chest, tears forming, ready to fall down anytime. She must have gone insane to be going this far. She hit her chest hard, flick her forehead hard, simply to get over it. She forces a smile, gripping her heart tightly.

Stand tall that is what I should have done. I have to wake up or I will be trapped inside this tragic thing. I force a smile, gripping my courage tight, as I walked along the street. I was alone, in the midst of all the couple in the world. They are kissing, hugging, holding hands, and even proposing… the sweet and romantic scenery. Child, childhood friends, teenage, adult, and even old couples. Each and every girl was holding red roses in their hand, given by their man.

Do they know how much I envy them? Do they know how much it hurts me? But they do have the rights, to show their affection toward each other. I heard that people forgot about the world when they fall in love. I heard that they turn selfish once they fall head-over-heels for someone. I heard they think the world only consists of the two of them, once they fell in love. How selfish, how stupid, how naïve, how idiotic.

I have never been in love before. I don’t even understand love before. I was too innocent to be loved, too pure to know love. Truthfully, I don’t even desire for love. I don’t care about the burning sensation people said once they fall in love. I don’t care how good it feels like. However, it was a few months ago that I realize how naïve I am.

I envy them, those couples. They receives flowers and roses every valentine’s, even ring on autumn. But I… I have never even got a single love letter. It might have been too much, wishing for love letter, nobody even has fallen for me.

Every valentine’s day, I would found my locker being stuffed with chocolates and present, even love letters. Red roses, I can’t count how many roses I have received every valentine’s day. During autumn, people got even crazier. I found myself being give a voucher trip to Paris, a big mansion, a big house, a ring, a diamonds. People must have gone crazy.

I received them, all of them. However, never once do I feel like receiving them. I lost it, the ba-thump ba-thump feelings that supposed to appear, the happiness that supposed to overwhelm me, and the sweet words that supposed to melt this heart of mine. Yet I can’t grasp it. I can’t grasp the feeling, because it didn’t come from him.

Now, it hits me hard. I have fallen in love, to someone who will never notices me. I have fallen in love, to someone who is fated to be with other woman. Last autumn, I fall head-over-heels for a man. And love has return nothing but pain to me. In this life, I would only regret one thing. It is falling in love for someone like him.

I belong to nobody but to everyone. I’m the school little sister, shy, pretty, and petite. I’m ruled by those powerful kingkas and queenkas. Yes, I’m ruled by those who given me the title. I’m not allowed to date, not even to fall in love. I wasn’t supposed to date anyone; I wasn’t supposed to fall in love, although the whole world would be falling head-over-heels for me. Wasn’t that simply unfair?

I heard it, the rumors. When people tried to get close to me, they will die really soon- sooner than expected. I heard it, how people get bullied simply because they have the desire to date me. It is the law of nature, how every single man shall keep their distance. It is the law of nature, how I am not supposed to fall in love… Such a cruel law of nature.

People throw their gaze of admiration to me, their lovely gentle gaze to me, and their obsession to me. Their eyes would wander around the world, searching for me. I would give them a shy-genuine smile every time our eyes made a contact. They would give their best smile for me, although I would be too shy to talk to them. They greet me politely, although I would never be able to properly greet them. I’m a very significant person to them, yet not to him.

I throw my gaze to him, that guy. The ba-thump ba-thump feeling was unbearable that it feels like my heart would explode anytime soon. I throw my gaze to him, admiring his perfect figure to no end. Yes, no end. He was too mesmerizing, too captivating to resist that I found myself staring at him blankly all the time. I must have looked like an idiot.

However, it is a tragedy how he never bothered to reply my gazes. Never once did he bothered to turn his head and faced me. His dark orbs, he shall never know how much I linger to be able to drown myself into it. He shall never know and I shall wait until my days of waiting come to an end. It hurts me, how our eyes will never meet. How fate has rewrite our history, for us to be in such a distance, to never know of each other.

To him, I might be impossible. When we stand, face to face, his gaze would be thrown for others woman. Others who people said are far from me, far from the perfect me. Yet he chooses them over the perfect me. People said, I look fabulous without makeup, yet I put on some, just from him to notices me. Yet his gaze always belongs to someone else.

When he passes through me, I gathered my courage to greet him. Yet he never greets me back, not even a shy-fading smile. I felt the ba-thump ba-thump exciting feelings that bloom inside me, yet it has no choice but to break to pieces. I am invisible to him, he will never see me. Or else I might have been long dead- that he couldn’t recognize me.

His scent, I let my lungs inhales it deep, feeling my empty soul. His presence, I let my heart melt because of it. His voice, I doubt there will be any better melody than his voice. His touch, he shall never know how much I linger for his touch. I might crumble to pieces if our fingers ever touch, because I know he will be too disgusted to admit it.

He might be a playboy, dating around with his 10^th girlfriend this month. He breaks up with the 9^th last valentine’s, after that woman put so much effort on baking a cake for him. He was cruel, breaking up with her on Valentine’s Day. I should have not fallen for someone like him, I should have stopped love him, yet I simply can’t. This feeling grows although I know it will never come true.

I always put so much effort on valentine’s day, making chocolates, buying present and even writing love letter, just to find them being thrown to the dust bin. Don’t blame him, you don’t have to. I throw them away myself, because I was just too incompatible. I can’t fight against a ton of others chocolates; I know he will prefer the others rather than mine. He’s a good boyfriend; he will only eat his girlfriend handmade chocolates, not others. I can’t win against them.

His figure was too perfect that is suffocates me. It suffocates me when I realize, he and I are not fated to be together. He and I are two different person, with a fate that didn’t even collide. We are distant apart. I’m hopeless yet I keep wishing on a wishing star for my dreams to come true. Just one simple wish, for him to look at me, for once…. For once.

When the sun was about to set down, when the bell has rang and people rushes outside, I will throw another sweet-looking gaze to him. And soon my heart would start breaking to pieces. Today is just another day, when tears started to overwhelm me. I can’t describe it, the feelings, knowing he has just broken up with his 10^th girlfriend this afternoon.

Silly, isn’t it? I’m sad since he had broken up with his girlfriend. Yet I have realized it is the best for him to have a girlfriend so I won’t have to raise my hopes high. And again, memories. Girls love red roses yet I prefer the blue one. Why? Because of what it means. It fit me the most and I fall in love to the blooming flower a year ago, the day he had his first girlfriend.

She walked pass the road, tears forming in her eyes, dripping down like raindrops. She hung her head low, as she turns her back against the man she has been longing for. He looks rather hurt and disappointed, after breaking up with his girlfriend. Today too, he’s out of her reach.

Bang! The world stops.

She was on her way to the library down town, having the urge to read classics. She love them classics, because it gives her the peace and calm feelings despite the fact that she badly wants to cry. Classics, the romance that contain so much fantasy, only to meet sad ending in the end. It will keep her hopes low, so she won’t get hurt. Today too, she needs classic to fix her broken heart.

However, she might be too careless. She has let her mind to flow up high, to drown herself too deep inside her pain of blue roses. That she turn careless. She can no longer fix her heart since her day of waiting and suffering has finally come to an end.

I feel it, the slight pain, suddenly heating the side of my body. It suddenly disperses, spreading around the petite body of mine. I have walked quite far and suddenly my feat loses it strength. I don’t really know whether I collapse or manage to stand strong. But soon the pain was too obvious as it reach the , just how classics do, a one cliché .

I would like to scream, but my throat turn to dry. The pain was too obvious to be bear with. I feel my bone being broken one by one. That it soon spread to my head as I feel warm liquid started to moist my skin. It came to me, the blurry scene in front of my very eyes. I could feel it, human presence surroundings me.

And then without a warming or a word, it all turns pitches black.

….

….

It’s the end. I could see how the scarlet leaflets fall, touching my cheek. I smile as I shut my eyes tight. The pain soon fades away yet I know it has ended. Moments of waiting and pain has ended.

Hey, blue roses. Can you hear me? Please let my feelings reach him. Please let my last wish come true. Please let my feelings reach him. I love him. I love him. I love Kim Myungsoo. Please let it reach him. I love you.

A/N

So how was it? I'm not satisfied with it, but my time is limited so... here you go! I rush it keke.. ^^ Hope it's not too bad. Comments! Thank you!