Disgruntled, I leaned over and picked up my phone. My friends had gotten a new one, since my other one was found completely broken.

The caller ID picture caused me to take a sharp intake of breath. It was an angelic picture of Jessica, and below it, her name. After a second, I realized that it was probably my friends trying to lighten me up with a prank, and try to get me back into my old self.

Disappointed, I decided to take the call anyways. It was a video call, so I pressed "accept" and held the phone about a foot above my face.

And a goddess appeared before me.

Right as I made eye contact with her, she smiled at me. "Hi, is this Jay?"

I couldn't speak. I was completely out of breath; I stared at her in shock for at least a few seconds before realizing that I was probably making a bad impression on her, and looking like a complete idiot. "U-Uh," I stammered. "Y-Yeah," I managed to breathe out, still breathless.

Her giggle was like music: pure, beautiful, and melodic. I strained with the desire to hear it again. "Hi~" she waved at me, smiling brightly.

Her smile completely caught me off guard. I had seen her smile numerous times before on variety shows, and every time, it managed to take my breath away. And this instance, especially with the high quality phone I was holding, her smile literally seemed to sparkle. It was the smile of a goddess. "Hi," I managed to choke out, feeling my face turn red. Was I seriously blushing?

Whether I was or not, Jessica took no notice. "So you are as good looking as I was told," she mused.

My cranial functions went into overload. She just complimented me. She just called me good looking. Jessica. The goddess of all things beautiful. She just--

"But anyways, you might be wondering why I'm calling you," she continued.

I don't care, I wanted to say. Just being able to talk to you is a dream come true. Then, I shuddered at how cheesy that was. I hated cheesy dialogue.

But instead, I smiled and nodded slightly.

"You have been accepted into a program SNSD had recently started a program that helps people in need," she continued. I was barely paying attention to her speaking, though. Which was incredibly rude of me; I was trying to focus on her words, honest. But I was just too lost in the reality that I was actually talking to Jessica Jung, of Girls' Generation. I half expected myself to suddenly wake up from the best dream I've had in a while, but I didn't. "and I chose to help you," she finished.

My lungs still had the feeling of being contracted, as if I was running a marathon. Which I had done before; actually, running a marathon was better for my lungs than this.

"So the plan is, after you recovered, you come to Korea and live in an apartment room near my house for about a month," she explained. "You'll mainly be accompanying me while I do my schedule, but I'm not as busy this month, due to this program." She paused for a moment to catch her breath. Then, her facial features turned into an 'oh-yeah!' sort of look, her eyebrows raised and her eyes wider. I blinked long and hard, trying not to react too much. "Oh yeah! We'll be recorded for the duration of the month, but don't mind them much; they'll only be here occasionally, like maybe every two or three days. There's no script, so try to act as natural as possible," she said, smiling. I caught my breath again. Then, I realized I had to respond.

"Ok," I replied. "I'll have to ask--" I started, almost subconsciously. What my mind spat out got stuck in my throat: my parents, my brain told me, then instantly reminded me of their hanging corpses. I felt my eyes start to sting.

"Omo, what's wrong?" Jessica asked in a worried voice, her blurry figure leaning in closer to the screen.

"I--" I tried to choke out some words, but nothing came. After swallowing a few tears, I tried again. "My--" but my throat refused to spit out the words.

She seemed to understand though. "Omo, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to remind you of them," she said quickly, voice getting a sad edge to it.

The tone tore through my heart. I was turning everyone around me sad enough as it is, but now I was making an idol: no, an angel, sad? What kind of person was I?

"No no, it’s ok," I managed to say unsteadily.

While I was trying to recover from my tears, Jessica continued speaking. "I read a newspaper article about you, and couldn't stop thinking wow, he's so brave and cool," she said in amazement. Then, her eyes widened. "Um, sorry I didn't mean to remind you of it again--" but I had waved her off. I was too busy smiling, despite my wet cheeks, at her compliment. It was strange how quickly she could turn me from crying to blushing. She nodded, eyes still full with worry. If only I could take a picture of her right now, I thought. How one person could physically be so cute, I had no idea. She just was, somehow. "So you're supposed to get out of the hospital in two weeks, right?" I nodded. "Ok, so when you're done, please call me~"

I almost choked, on thin air, at how cute that was. She probably didn't even intend it to be cute.

I recovered as quickly as possible and tried to say "ok", but nothing came out; so I just nodded.

She smiled again. "Ok, bye Jay! Hope you get well soon!" she said, waving goodbye.

My heart stopped, once again; her voice had said my name. The perfect, angelic voice of Jessica Jung said, out loud, my name, directing it to me.

I waved at the phone and smiled, realizing that I should try and not be so creepy on the phone.

I almost regretted hanging up: staring at the red button, hearing the dial tone, and realizing that she already was gone was hard to grasp for me. The moment of happiness was short lived. So short lived. What would my life be from now on, but a couple of short lived happy moments? Would her plan work?

I heard the door open; I looked to see who it was, and to my horror, it was a grinning Riley and Evan, followed by Alice.

"Dude, I didn't know you blushed," Riley said, almost laughing.

"Shut up," I told him, trying to sound as casual as possible. Bothering them with my depression was not on my to-do list. And doing such a pitiful thing was such a waste of their time. "You'd probably have the same reaction if you saw Jiyoung in person."

He grinned. "By the way, your welcome," he said.

"What?"

"We entered you into the program as a candidate. You should be thankful Alice is also an SNSD fan."

I shifted my gaze to Alice. "Oh really? Thanks a ton, Alice!" I said gratefully. I became happy that she would be so thoughtful as to do this. And actually believe my depressing life was worth something.

She smiled at me. "Yeah; no problem. Anything for you," she said, then quickly jumped up and brought her hand to and turned around. "Um sorry guys, I'm not feeling well," she said, running out of the room.

I watched her curiously, and stared at the door she exited from. What had just occured?

"Anyways, when you got accepted, we decided to put Jessica's number in your phone and see how you'd react," Riley continued.

Then, it hit me. "Wait. You were watching me--"

"Yep," he said smugly. Then, he and Evan broke into laughter.

"Eotteoke?" Riley mimicked me, holding his hands on his cheeks. ("Eotteoke" means "what should/can I do?" in Korean).

I glared at him.

"Dude seriously though, it was hilarious," Evan said, probably filling in since Riley was too busy cracking up.

Alice entered the room, looking wearily at Riley. "Hey Alice, wasn't Jay's reaction hilarious?"

She smiled brightly. "It was so cute~" she squealed.

Just like Amber I subconsciously thought. Then, my stupid brain reminded me that she was gone.

I felt my eyes burn again as I buried my head in the pillow.

Throughout the two weeks, Jessica had called me seven times. Yes, I kept track.

Anyways, I had managed to make conversation with her a lot easier, and less awkward, I think.

We never spoke for long, since she was still busy, being a member of Girls' Generation and all. Still, I savored every second I spoke with her.

One time, I was outside, taking a walk when she called. I sat down on a bench and pressed accept, and saw her. But this time, she looked exceptionally beautiful; she was in a casual sweater and jeans, but still managed to looked absolutely stunning. But what made her exceptionally beautiful was her wavy hair.

How do I describe it?

The hair style fit her so well, with her hair falling lightly down her shoulders, seeming to hug her face and bring out her beautiful facial features even more. It was amazing how much her hair changed how she looked.

So during that call, I had blurted out that she looked beautiful. She just smiled and said "aww, thanks Jay!", while I was blushing furiously. It was quite embarrassing.

During the next two weeks, I broke down less. The thought of being able to meet Jessica in just two short weeks was overwhelming to me. Every day, I grew more and more anxious to the day I finally was able to escape this hospital. But the key word here is 'less'.

Even with all the anxiety, I was still reminded of that day. I began associated less things with it, and became less depressed; but even still, when I wasn't anxious, I was reflecting on what I could have done to stop the murder. Maybe I could have come home earlier; after all, the reason I stayed at college those extra days was because of a competition I wanted to compete in, in some stupid Real Time Strategy game I was obsessed about. If I wasn't so selfish, I could have stopped him, I told myself.

I could see my friends be disappointed at the seeming lack of affect Jessica had on me. I occasionally was happy for a moment, then became depressed again. Even glancing at my calendar to see the countdown I had started to the day I got out of the hospital wasn't that helpful. It would uplift my spirits for a while, but then I would be reminded of them.

I had gone through at least ten calendars in the first week. My dad was an avid photographer, so he took a lot of pictures in his free time. And he often shared his pictures with me, so looking at the picture above the calendar would often remind me of him. So eventually, they got me a plain calendar, which I was thankful for.

The second week went by with less troubles. It only lifted my spirits momentarily.

I felt like I was living in a dream. Every living moment I was awake, I was living a life without my parents. My brain couldn't seem to wrap itself around the idea that I would never experience my mom's warm embrace I was looking forward to, or another wrestling match with my dad I wanted to do again just for the fun of it, or even have regular conversations with Amber. I would never help her with high school, boy troubles, insecurities ... all the things I was looking forward to as an older sibling, gone. Simply gone. And I was never to experience it ever again.

The idea of happiness seemed so distant to me. Glancing at the calendar would put happy thoughts in my brain, and briefly cause my brain to release happy enzymes. But eventually, it was swallowed up by the drone of my existence. Even conversations on the phone with Jessica: sure, I loved them, but right after hanging up, I began to feel sad again.

I would describe myself as that. Sad. Not depressed, as in constantly crying: sad. Remorseful. Even regretful.

I began to learn to suppress these feelings around others. I learned how to pretend to not be affected by this and talk casually, express emotions, and be happy. By the end of the two weeks, I would say I mastered it. I was a quick learner, after all.

And also at the end of the two weeks, I finally escaped the dreadful place that was a source of my sadness: the fact that it reminded me of what had happened, and why I was here. The thought that more might come to kill me didn't even scare me, as I was ... hollow. Like a machine. I was just living through the motions of living. I had no capability of feeling emotions. For very long, at least. Living like this made me question my existence: so what if they killed me? What have I got to live for?

I was reminded of that very thing when I stepped into the airport with my suitcase, once again, remembering to call Jessica on the ride there. As I waved goodbye to my friends at the gate, I felt a twang in my heart. I had parted with all my loved ones already: was I to part with the only thing I had left?

Jessica, I reminded myself. Even though we aren't friends yet, it's something to look forward to. Maybe we can even establish a friendship. Maybe she can even help fill the hole in my life, and in my heart.

Heyo, thanks for bearing with me :DD

I swear Jessica (and SNSD) will appear shortly. So please wait for the next chapter!~

I know it must be boring, reading a story about a depressed person. Big deal, right? DX it'll get interesting soon, I swear.

Anyways, as always, thanks for reading!