“Dara, you’ve been like this for almost the whole week,” he said anxiously, reaching for my arms to prevent me from falling. “Are you sure you don’t want to visit a doctor with me? I’ll take you to the hospital now,” he said as he pats my back.

“I’m fine, really,” I replied, looking at him earnestly. “I can take care of myself,”

He just smiled in return.

Choi Seunghyun has been a very good friend to me. Even though I work for him, he still treats me nicely. Seunghyun was also the one who took care for me these past months since my divorce with Jiyong happened. I moved away from them. I know I promised to be happy for them and I really am. But you see, it’s hard to move on and forget the past when you’re surrounded by the people you want to disregard.

Sohee… she’s still a friend. But I guess even the people who were there with you since the beginning would be gone, too. And Sohee’s one of them.

I did not just lose a lover but a friend, too.

Bitter truth. But that’s how that works.

“Seunghyun, I will be fine, I promise. You can go now, I’ll just fix some things and then I will go home,” I said as I free myself from his hold. I know he’s a friend but he’s still the person I’m working to. Being this close at time of work is just unprofessional for both of us.

“I’m sorry,” he said and then he looks around, making sure no one saw us in our earlier position. I guess he was thinking the same thought.

“Uhm, I’ll go now,” he stated as he reaches for the back of this head. He looks like a kid doing that, though. I believe he’s thinking that he’s embarrassing himself.

We laughed for a while and finally he made his way out.

As soon as he disappeared, I started fixing my uniform.

I’ve been feeling sick since last week. I already went to a doctor and he said it was because of stressing myself too much.

I thought that since I’m all alone now and I don’t have company in my house, why not just help in this café during night hours? I work from six to eleven in the morning, have a break and come back again during the night. I can’t believe I pass out easily now. I’m not like this before. And I don’t even work that much.

But I guess my past plays a big part in here. It’s been already nine months and I admit, there was no day that would pass when I don’t think of them. I still cry myself to sleep every time. But this week, I don't know why's everything coming back. I'm nervous on why am I thinking about them too much.

I never thought it would be this hard.

“Dara… move on, I bet they are happy now,” I quietly told myself while tracing the letter ‘J’ on the glass window of our shop. “Winter’s coming,” I remind myself, smiling.

Moments later, I feel like breaking down again.

“Oh God, I still love Jiyong so much,” I whispered as a close my eyes, letting these tears flow down my cheeks.

But what can I do, I just want him to be happy. Even that happiness will cause my own.

-

That night passed like the other nights. I cried myself to sleep again wondering how long I would stay like this. It’s funny how I am suffering like this when I bet, Jiyong and Sohee are enjoying their lives now because they’re finally together.

I am happily serving our customers when someone suddenly caught my eye. I am not really sure for a second if I'm seeing the right thing but when she finally moved towards me, my head started spinning and my sight became blurry again.

Oh, this can’t be.

“Sandara, my friend,” Sohee smiled at me like nothing happened at all but her eyes are showing nothing similar. “Can I talk to you for a while,” she continued as I stare blankly at her.

I’m trying my hardest to forget her and Jiyong but here she is know, in front me, asking if she can talk to me? How ridiculous.

“Sohee, can’t you see I’m working,” I said with obvious hint of pain in my voice.

“Dara… I need to talk to you now,” she replied putting emphasis on ‘now’.

“Sohee, I can’t, sorr-”

“It’s okay, Dara. You can go,” I was shocked for a moment that someone cut what am was saying but when I saw it was Seunghyun, who’s behind me right now, I felt confusion.

“But I’m-”

“No, I’m sensing that this lady here,” he looks at Sohee, “really needs to talk to you right now,” he said as he looked back at me.

Not wanting to make this conversation longer, I chose to follow.

“This way,” I commanded Sohee.

The moment I was already out of the café, I looked at her very intensely and asked, “What do you need, Sohee?” I sounded really hurt.

“Sandara, I’m sorry!” and then she cried.

Ahn Sohee started weeping in front of my saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ all over again. Seeing my best friend break down like this hurts me, too. Even though she’s the girl my husband chose over me, she’s still my friend. And that won't change.

What’s her problem? Did something happen between her and Jiyong? Why is she saying sorry to me? It’s already been nine months! If she’s saying sorry because she now realized that she was the reason why Jiyong and I aren’t together now… well, that’s just too late.

My thoughts of what possibly happened stopped when she hugged me real tight.

And the next thing she did just puzzled the hell out of me.

She kneeled in front me, weeping and saying sorry.

“Sohee…” I breathe. My head is really hurting right now. And I started crying with her not caring what the people passing by would think.

“Sohee, stand up, what are you doing?” I retorted, pulling her arms to make her stand. And when she didn’t I just kneeled in front of her.

“Sohee, look at me,” I ordered, making her face me.

“I’m sorry, Dara. I know I’ve been selfish, I’m really sorry,” she explained, stopping her sobs.

“Well, Sohee… isn’t it just too late?” I whispered.

“I know,” she cried louder.

I wanted to ask her why is she doing this to me right now and how come she found me in this place far away from them but I decided not to. To be honest, even talking to her is hard for me. I already tortured myself too much by just thinking about them, I don’t want to feel pain caused by them anymore.

-

It has been nine months when I moved away. The first two months, all I did was to travel in different places. I’m trying my best to burry my past in those places.

But working in Seunghyun’s café made moving on a bit easier. I became very busy with everything and with that, I had less time thinking about Jiyong and Sohee.

Less. I scoff to myself. I still think of them and the less part's not helping at all.

“Sandara, you’re spacing out again,” I was startled with Seunghyun’s deep voice.

He sat on my left side, joining me to watch the dark sky behind these glass windows.

“What are you still here?” I asked him, one brow up.

He chuckled before answering, “I’m the owner of this place, it’s not really surprising to find me here every time the shop closes,” he informed me like I didn’t know that thing.

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “I know that, Mister,” I said, smiling.

“What are you doing here?” he asked seconds later. “You’re still thinking about them, aren’t you? Well, I shouldn’t ask, every time before this shop closes, it’s already your habit to stare at these glass windows,” he said, laughing.

But he stopped abruptly when he sensed my uneasiness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up,” he whispered with his deep voice.

Every time that issue was being brought up, I feel anxious. And the next thing I knew, tears were already flowing down my cheeks. I swear if these tears won’t stop coming out, I will die. I always feel so parched because of these tears.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” I managed to reply.

Choi Seunghyun, he’s three years older than me but that didn’t stop me from being comfortable with him. He’s just naturally friendly and very easy to talk to. I don’t really like opening my past life up with others but I did to him. I don’t know, I just feel like safe with him.

Then, he hugged me. This is not the first time for him to see my crying like this. And every time I do cry in front of him, he would always end up hugging me.

I leaned in, resting my head on his chest and his right arm pulled me closer. He’s patting my head like what a father would do to his child. I smiled.

My eyes were traveling along the window glasses when something- or someone moved behind the door. The door was made of glass, too so I am definitely sure it was a person. My eyebrows met each other. ‘It’s already late, why…’ I stopped what I was thinking when I caught a better glance at the person.

Jiyong.

I flinched.

“What’s the problem?” he sounded so worried. I looked up to him.

“I-” I stopped myself from talking when I looked back at the door and found no one.

“What did you see?” he asked, following my gaze.

“Nothing,” I finally answered. “I thought I saw someone,” my voice was fading.

This is what I get from thinking about him too much. I feel a bit disappointed when I looked back and found Jiyong gone. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. My feelings are betraying me. I moved away because I want to forget them. I moved away because I want to start over. And then Sohee came back with a very confusing, unclear reason. Now, I’m hallucinating about Jiyong being here.

This month's really getting tough for me.

-

“It’s really cold, winter’s really coming,” I said to myself as I continue walking.

It was already late so there are no cabs in the streets now. Seunghyun offered a ride but I refused. He needs rest. I don’t want to be a bother.

Winter’s really on its way. I never thought that this night would be this cold. I should have brought a thicker coat with me.

I hugged myself tighter and started to rub my hands on my arms. “It’s really cold, oh God,”

Few second later, my head started to spin. Here comes my headache again. But when my eyes began to become hazy, I thought that this is a serious situation. Walking alone during night is never a wise idea. I know it, I would pass out.

And I did, my sight turning all black.