love -

“What do they say about me?” Kai turns toward her - drowsy - his eyes slightly out of focus. Cigarette smoke clouds his face, and Krystal sniffs in disgust.

She shrugs. “Jessica says I’m making the biggest mistake of my life,” she laughs dryly, leaning in to press a kiss into the corner of his lips. The mixture of smoke and cologne hits her. His fingers curve into the small of her back.

He pulls away to get a good look at her. Blinks, amused. “And what do you say to that,” he says, more as a statement and not a question.

Krystal pauses, taking him in with his torn leather jacket and washed out jeans. Band-aid on his left cheek from where he’d gotten into yet another fist fight. Stamped out cigarette still suspended between his fingertips. She hears her older sister’s voice in her head: “the quintessential bad boy - stay away from him.”

She smiles. “I say, to hell with it.”

crash -

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Kai traces the curvature of her arm, making her shiver, bed covers still snug over their bodies.

Her eyes are closed, still half asleep. Tears burning the back of her eyelids, a bittersweet smile spreading over her lips as he chuckles. She still breathes him in, the caustic blend of cologne and smoke. She rubs her temples, fighting the oncoming headache.

Another morning, another day. She wonders what will happen today. Another reckless endeavor? Another lazy afternoon living the lie that they can be domestic as hell when they’re living off welfare stamps and illegal money?

Her eyelids flutter open, greeted face to face with his warm gaze. In her mind, she traces over the bridge of his nose, studying his lips, his cheekbones, his jawline. She loves him. She loves him. She loves -

Does she?

burn.

It’s a slow process, falling apart. They barely notice it; you wouldn’t be able to tell from the way he still puts her motorcycle helmet on for her or from the way she wraps her arms around his waist as they speed down the highway. You wouldn’t be able to tell from the way he does the dishes when she’s tired or from the way she attends to his wounds after he gets strung into another altercation.

She wakes up one day, her back facing him, the window in front of her wide open. The curtain, stained with age, floats in the breeze: fresh, unlike the second-hand smoke that so often keeps her on edge. She should be happy.

And yet - “a quintessential bad boy - stay away from him” echoes in her mind and then there’s the rustling of sheets as Kai stirs awake next to her and that’s when she realizes -

Maybe Jessica was right. She sits up, tears silently streaming down her face as she wonders whether this is what heartbreak feels like.

“What happened?” Kai murmurs when he notices that something is wrong.

Krystal climbs out of bed and grabs her bag. “I don’t know, I don’t know, I just -” she rambles. Feels a migraine coming on again. Some things are just unexplainable.

“Krys - what are you -”

She stands in the doorway, suddenly feeling so small and weak as she faces him. “I have to go,” she chokes out. Gulps when she sees the fire in his eyes, the wild confusion. “Forever,” she adds painfully.

“Oh,” is all he manages, nodding slowly. Almost frozen with shock, but stares at her with hard resignation. She almost wants him to hold her back. “Goodbye -”

And she’s out before she can register the rest of what he’s saying.

She openly sobs now, once she’s a good distance away from his place - paradise and purgatory, all in one.

She swears she hears a bit of heartbreak in his voice, too.