She always finds it exhausting, constantly restyling her hair and suffering through the rancid smell of hair dye and ignoring the way her hair sometimes gets too unruly to control - not that anyone can see that, courtesy of the expensive hair products the stylists lump into her locks. Soojung has been groomed since childhood to mind the camera lens, to deal with the blisters on her feet because it only matters that her heels are looking good, to graciously overlook the dark circles under her eyes that can be swept over with some concealer and foundation. The camera, the click, the flash. That is how you live, they had told her.

Yes, that is indeed how she makes a living, but she thinks there's a difference between simply existing and truly living. Drawing breaths through the cracks in her foundation, eyelids drooping because she's tired, tired, tired, and she never feels like herself these days. She doesn't know if she ever even had a chance to know herself anyway.

She never had a chance to fully enjoy the childhood so many others have, she never had a home, and she doesn't know if she will ever find one. 

Today is one of those days, shaky fingers, throbbing veins, goosebumps on her skin. And her breathing quickens while she closes her eyes, willing herself to calm down. In her mind, there's a bright flash, hitting her square in the eyes and it's blinding her - and no, no, she can't handle this anymore, and soon her manager is squeezing her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her but even that is not enough.

Soojung stares in the mirror, bright red shocking her to her senses, irrecognizable. 

"...Soojung?" a male voice sounds behind her.

She looks up at the mirror and his eyes meet hers through the reflection. "Jongin?" she whispers, barely. She's momentarily surprised, lips parted and her gaze still concentrated on him.

The way that his hair is slightly gelled up, red plaid shirt accentuating his broad shoulders, the little smile resting on his lips - they don't need any words to know why he's here at her group's shoot. She simply nods, pursing her lips as if to wish them luck because they'll certainly need it. God knows that even though she does have a talent for photo shoots, they are still emotionally and physically taxing for her - staring lifelessly into the camera while pretending to be alive.

They walk to the shooting site together, the whole place having an odd sort of ambiance, and not just because of the lighting. She thinks it's the way they walk side by side, how his steps seem to match hers just right, how she seems to be all too aware of the scent of his cologne and the warmth emanating off his skin. 

Soon she finds herself sitting next to him, staring into his eyes and she swears his gaze is lingering on her glossed lips. Click. Her cheeks turn a light tint of pink. Click. Her senses come alive, and it's weird because this never happens - feeling alive so that she doesn't need to pretend anymore.

For the grand finale, she's got her arms wrapped around his neck, chest pressed lightly against his, and that's when she starts shaking - because this could be any other random actor or model she's paired with, but it's Jongin, and maybe inside she's still a little teenage girl, never having lived at home but perhaps looking for a home with someone else. She remembers glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, the way he would give her smiles of encouragement whenever she bombed her monthly evaluations, how they weren't the best of friends but somehow whenever they did talk, it was easy and natural, and how even now his strong arms are holding her lower back and pulling her closer, as if this is just second-nature for them.

Click.

The director yells out a hurrah in celebration at the success of the shoot, and that's when they reluctantly pull away from each other, a grin on his face and a shy smile on hers. "Good job," he tells her softly, and she likes it - how he knows when to be gentle and when to be firm, when to hold her close and when to let her go. 

"Thanks. You too," she says. And she thinks to herself that maybe she wouldn't mind being in his arms forever, shielded from the camera flash, burnt-red hair cascading down her back, eyelashes caressing the collar of his shirt. And he could look down and see her for who she really is, and maybe they'd get lost in each other's eyes so that they wouldn't have to care what everyone else thinks of them.

But this is Jongin, and she's Soojung, and he is Kai, and she is Krystal - and just the fact that this is how the public will perceive them as - Pink Tape photos featuring Kai and Krystal - just that is a reminder that the line between fiction and reality is too blurred for them now.

They sit down on the side of the set, darkness enveloping them because the lights on that side of the room have burned out. She looks at him now, shadows highlighting the handsome features of his face, and there's that boyish charm she had always loved about him. He's still less jaded than she is and perhaps that makes him more attractive.

She almost wants to kiss him then because what the hell has she been missing out on - and she almost doesn't give a crap about the consequences.

But this is Jongin, and she wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt if he got hurt through any of this, so she decides not to.

(But this Jongin, who she maybe has had a crush on for the longest time ever since her trainee days, who makes her feel a little bit more alive and kind of reminds her of the home she never had - and she's been homesick for way too long to care anymore.

So she kisses him.

She's pleasantly surprised when he starts kissing her back, gently brushing her bright red hair aside. He murmurs through clenched teeth that he likes this hair on her but that he likes her natural shade better, and she laughs because she agrees.

It's always been easier with him, she realizes. Like she can finally rest, even if her heartbeat is not.

She tells him his kisses feel like home even though this is the first time their lips have ever touched. He doesn't say anything except for a little chuckle as he leans in again, kissing her once more.)

a/n: finally got around to reposting this from the kpop-het fic-a-thon. summer just started for me so hopefully i will get back to writing! first year of college = success!