¢нαρтєя 1: яєυиισи. ѕσят σf.

Right after I got Yunho’s current address from Yoochun, I hurriedly hung up and got onto the plane to Seoul this night.

It has been 7 whole years since I had last step foot in Korea.

My only contact with here, is Yoochun.

Because, there is too much memories, so…

My heart will ache…

My tears will flow…

My mind will be reminded…

Of him…

Korea hasn't really changed much, but I've gotten used to the “rural lifestyle” at the Canada countryside, so it is hard to adjust to the busy city. In the huge flow of people, I stumbled around blindly, unsure of my destination.

"Jaejoong hyung!" Suddenly, I heard someone calling me.

It can't be, right? No one knew I’m coming back.

Is it the old problem with my ear?

I ignored the call.

Suddenly, someone tapped my back softly. “Jaejoong hyung!”

I spun around. Yoochun!

"I guessed after you asked me about that, so I came to the airport to wait for you.” Yoochun replied my queries before I even asked them.

"Hyung, welcome back."

"Yoochun…"

He is always so caring to me. The near-forgotten feeling of gratefulness is gradually breaking up the glass walls I had built around my heart in these few years. They may appear to be strong and impermeable, but actually just a few simple words could shatter it.

"Say no more!" Yoochun interrupted me firmly. “Junsu and Changmin are all waiting for you at home now! Hyung, do you know? Junsu can actually cook now! Oh and, Changmin ain’t that kid who only know how to eat anymore, he had even achieved the amateur cook’s certification! Hyung, they made an entire table of food, just waiting for you now.”

My tears couldn't help but fall.

Those young boys that were my lovely dongsaengs, calling me “Jaejoong hyung~”, nagging at me to cook for them.

They have all grown and matured.

If I am not here anymore in the future, you guys can live on fine, right?

"Hyung, don't cry." Yoochun hugged me gently. “Junsu’s cooking is actually horrible, giving up every time halfway through, and I always have to clean up behind him. This time since hyung is coming back, he insisted on helping. Changmin too picked up cooking ‘cause of hyung. It’s all 'cause of hyung…”

Yoochun cried. Words choked in his throat as his voice broke at the end of the sentence. Seeing him like this pained me further.

I lifted my hand to help him wipe his tears, but he had already secretly cleansed them himself, looking at me with a bitter smile. “Hyung, I had already learnt to wipe my tears myself.”

I buried my head in Yoochun's chest, crying. The guilt that has built up for 7 years had condensed into tears and be released at that moment.

"Mianhe."

Hyung is sorry for doing this to you all.

"Hyung, don't say that. It isn’t your fault. Really. Some day or another, we would still have to grow up.” Yoochun patted my back gently while comforting me.

"Mianhe." I couldn’t find any other words to express my feeling, so I kept repeating, “Mianhe.”

…

I had first planned to find Yunho the moment I reached Seoul. But since Yoochun is here, and I missed my dongsaengs, I might as well control my urge for a while more.

The moment we got off Yoochun's car, I saw 2 long shadows standing outside the flat’s door.

"HYUNG!"

"SU! MIN!"

My originally calm heart sped up again after seeing them.

They had grown a lot.

We were locked together in a tight embrace. All 4 of us.

"Hyung, you’re loads skinnier.” Junsu looked at me worriedly, eyes getting red.

"Yah, don't cry!  My Junsu is always the happiest baby!” I said affectionately, pinching his cheeks gently. Silly Su, aren’t you thinner yourself too?

Junsu ignored my words, the tears gushing out all at once.

"Pabo." I sighed, ruffling his hair softly before pulling him into a hug.

"Hyung, these years, were… were you doing good?” Even Changmin who rarely cried has broken down. I felt really guilty.

Kim Jaejoong, just look at what you’ve done…

"Changminnie, hyung is just fine, don’t worry about me.” I did my best to hold in the tears, forcing myself to smile as I answer.

“If you were fine, wae didn’t you contact us? Why didn’t you visit us? Do you know how much we missed you?” Changmin grabbed on to me, his strong arms gripping onto my body, as if afraid that I will dissolve into the air and disappear, murmuring, “Missed you like mad… missed your food, missed your smiles, missed your pranks, missed your everything! How could you just leave without telling us?!”

"Mianhe. Hyung missed you guys too, but I have my difficulties.” My voice is shaking slightly, and I could only pray that Changmin won’t notice the tears on his shoulder.

Why?

How could I be so heartless?

To avoid him, breaking apart all contacts with my dongsaengs except Yoochun.

Is it worth it?

He may not even had bothered to find me, it’s just me and my silly thoughts that I have to escape from him.

Letting my dongsaengs worry about me, I’m such a horrible hyung.

"Okay, okay, let's not stone outside the door! Come on and get into the house!” Yoochun quickly wiped away his tears and led us into the house.

Yoochun touched Junsu's eyes gingerly, “Pabo! See, now your eyes are red from crying!”

"So? Aren’t you the same?” Junsu argued.

It still hasn't changed, eh?

Loving each other like mad, but still bickering endlessly with each other. A bit similar to me and Changmin, the “Soul fighters”.

2 pabos.

I couldn't help but smile.

"Hyung, you look better like that.” Changmin looked at me, his lips tugging into a smile.

"You too, maknae."