The next morning came way too fast. I wish I could just sleep forever. I didn’t feel like getting up but my aunt forced me to rush out of bed. Like the day before, I wore my long-sleeved school shirt and pants, and tied my hair up. I could tell that my aunt really wanted me to attend class and as much as I wanted to disobey her wish, I couldn’t bear to disappoint her again. I would just show up for first and second period, take a nap and go home. No one would miss me. Nobody would care if I skipped school.

‘It would be nice if you would speak to me. If we just sit down and have a nice conversation where you express yourself… If you let me into your life, I bet staying here wouldn’t be as bad as you think it is. Yesterday you came home from school, ate the food I made you and went to sleep. Were you even present at school? What kind of a life is that?” She was going to have this talk again. She wanted me to answer her, but what could I possibly say? If I told her my true feelings it would just upset her more. I headed for the door and stood in the open doorway. “So you’re running away again? You can’t handle your problems face-on so you try to get out of them. Instead of dealing with the bull around you like a mature adult, you attempted suicide. Do you know how much that hurt me? How much it hurt your brother? We care about you and you treat us with no respect. Did you really think that trying to kill yourself would solve everything? It just gave us more problems, Hana!” At this point she was yelling, and tears were streaming down her face. “I’m sorry,” I ran out the door.

I make things more complicated than they should be.

I wiped away my tears and walked down the front steps. As I turned the corner I became aware of a group of boys who were staring at me, wide-eyed. They heard everything. I quickened my pace and shielded my face as I strode past them.

“W-wait, Hana!” I heard Woohyun’s loud footsteps; he was running to catch up to me but I paid him no attention. Suddenly, he stopped running. I heard someone say “just let her go,” and with that, I walked to school by myself.

~

I was not in the mood to see anyone, not today. I needed to quietly sort out my thoughts. Instead of heading to class I found the shady tree that I had napped underneath before and settled myself beneath its protective branches. It was the only place I felt safe. I pulled out a handful of grass from the ground and started to play by myself.

No matter how hard I tried to fall asleep, I wasn’t able to, partly because the sound of birds chirping away disturbed me but mostly because of the boy sitting next to me.

If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t have gotten as angry as I did. All he did was sit there, unmoving. Others would have said something, would have made their presence known, but no. He was just there, looking at me with his stupid, expressionless face.

“I’m not really in the mood for company,” I said. After a long pause, I finally heard him speak.

“I’m not here to keep you company.”

Ugh. “Well clearly I was sitting here first. There are a ton of other trees for you to choose from, but you singled out this one to sit under. I’m not invisible, so I’m pretty sure you saw me lying here. If you didn’t come to keep me company, then why did you?” anger was building up inside of me and I just wanted to yell in his face.

“I liked you better when you were silent,” he put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.

“YA,” I raised my voice. “Are you high?!”

Did he just smirk? Surely he has a death wish.

I was about to go off on a rampage when he shushed me.

I folded my arms and sulked. He wanted me to leave. He was annoying me just so he could sit here by himself, but I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of kicking me out.

We sat in silence for five minutes.

Ten.

Fifteen.

I yawned. Playing the waiting game was wearing me out.

Twenty minutes passed.

My eyelids became heavy.

Thirty minutes.

By now I stopped keeping track of time.

I dozed off.