A Date
Can't Say I Love You
A/N: Here you go, an update. It's very short though~ ._. Sorry guyies, I'm having a writer's block so this might came out bad! Anyway, cmment what you think and let me know.
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Now enjoy~
I lost count of how many times I read Seunghyun's text message when I got home. I clung to those three words until they became a prayer, a supplication: See you tomorrow.
I sat on the couch startled, all I could do was replay in my head every word I said to Seubghyun, every word he said back to me, every thought passed across my mind every time our eyes came upon. I trembled at the memory of his eyes, they were dark and clear as ever. brilliant, as if light were behind them. sunlight and moonlight combined all together inside them. His skin was faintly pale, but it was natural color, not makeup, I decided. His beauty was stunning but scary. It always left me frightened and breathless.
For an instant, in the back of my mind, a thought popped up about may be, may be what I'm feeling was love. I shook my head at the thought, not quite daring to go farther. I then stood up and started for the bathroom to take a hot, nice bath.
The hot, sweet-scented water looked perfect, and when I climbed in and it rose around me, I let out an involuntary sigh of bliss.
Oh, it was lovely. Just right. I basked for a while, letting the heat soak into my bones and the light, flowery smell fill my lungs. It seemed to clear the last tired cobwebs from my head and refresh me.
On the morning I stopped in front of the company building. I didn't want to step in, not when the butterflies in my stomach won't stop spreading a bizarre fascination all over my body. But I couldn't just stand feeling it there, wondering if Seunghyun was inside and not knowing.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I looked up, I was met with Brian's smiling face.
“boo” said Brian, another failed attempt to scare me.
“Oh dear God, you scared the out of me. Look I'm shivering.” I uttered, mocking him.
“ha ha ha funny,” he rolled his eyes and continued. “What are you doing out here anyway? Admiring the place, huh?”
“yeah,” I smiled at him and turned to glance at the building standing proudly in front of us. “it's really, huge.” I added, impressed.
Brian chuckled. ”I used to do the same when I started to work here you know, stand for minutes just admiring the view of those floors of glass that don't seem to have an end, and wondering how it would feel like to own such a place.” he sighed and seemed to be lost in thoughts as well. There was a moment of silence before he started talking again.
“The owner of this company, Choi Woo Jung, has passed away a while ago and it's only fair for his son to take over the business, but guess what? He doesn't want to. Huh, crazy, right?”
“yeah it is. What does he do anyway?” I asked and started moving for the door. Brian just behind me.
“he's a very known designer in Japan. he lived there almost all his life but came back to Korea earlier this year when he knew his father is having health issues, and now he's staying here against his will.”
“I kinda dislike him already.” we both laughed and I continued. “How do you know all these things by the way?”
“I've been working here for almost a year now and you can say I have my ways.” he said and winked at me and I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face.
It's 12am now and my heart is already doing flip flops, too excited for the date.
Date? is it really a date? maybe I'm just overreacting. I thought and sighed. Wait, why am I so uneasy? Do I want it to be a date? , just stop thinking, I told myself and rubbed my hands over my face. I looked around then, observing the room I'm sitting in. It was lovely. It managed to combine pretty, antique-looking furniture with modern things, as if the past and the present existed side by side in harmony here.
There was a glass-top desk in the very corner of the room with a very modren stool and a metal elegant bookshelf placed on the wall a bit too high because I had a hard time trying to reach it. The walls were painted with pale blue, a light airing color that gives the room another homely atmosphere. The whole place looked classy, elegant and artistic, but comfortable too. But what stood out the most for me and made me fall for this small room were the paintings hanging on these walls.
I stood there for so long, staring at the paintings. There was this particular painting that captured my attention. It was about treason, the sins caused by love and desire.
“Do you like those? The paintings?” I turned to find that Seunghyun had noiselessly entered the room. I felt my hear skip a beat at the sight of the other man. Both my body and tongue froze, unable to react or answer the question he threw at me. After so many attempts, I managed to nod, wishing I could think of something to say to him without embarrassing myself.
“Who's in this one?” he asked, walking in my direction and pointing at the painting I was just studying before he stepped into the room. Not that I'm unhappy with his interruption or anything. I'm actually enjoying his presence.
Stop spacing and focus on the man next to you, I reminded myself.
“Oh, this is Artemis,” I pointed and Seunghyun gazed deeply at the woman.
“She was goddess of the hunt. Never married, and she used to hunt and rip men to pieces if they ever saw her bathing. by the help of her dogs of course.” I paused. “She symbolizes the untamed spirit, never being tied down by things such as love. she did have a love affair once though, it ended tragically with her killing the man she loved because of her sister's jealousy.”
“Wow!” said Seunghyun and I chuckled.
“I know right? She is really fierce and wild.” I replied.
“No I meant to wow at you.” He spoke and I blushed so hard, I could feel my cheeks burning red.
“You become so, captivated when talking about these things.” he noted again. I, on the other hand, didn't know what to say. I was so overwhelmed by his flattering words that I forgot how to breath for a second. He gazed at me and I looked away almost immediately, afraid I might have a heart attack if I catch his gaze.
“Uhm, I...” I tried to talk but failed. My mouth stayed slightly open, no words were coming out of it though.
“I get it. You're not really used to being hit on by strangers.” he laughed quietly.
“Specially hot ones.” I spoke suddenly without realizing, cursing my damn brain for being so slow today.
“Oh, now that I take as a compliment.” he smirked and my brain got lost again.
“I... let's go back to the painting.” I blurted out, turning my face to look at the wall and to hide the redness on my checks.
“Alright, who's this man?”
“He's Himerus, the god of ual desire.” I said smiling as I stared at him. “His presence in this painting with Artemis makes no sense, according to the Greek mythology. But I believe the painter wanted to show how desire forces people to do things against their believes. As you can see here, Himerus is kneeling down infront of Artemis, touching her thigh with both hands, while she points her bow on her own dog who was supposed to be helping her with getting rid of men such as Himerus. Look at her face expression, she's confused, almost lost. Struggling whether to choose the believes she lived her all life according to, or the pleasure of intimacy and desire. and if you notice, they are standing next to the ocean, which I believe it refers to her first and only love story, knowing that she killed her lover while he was swimming in the ocean. it means that experiencing love made her eager for more.” I took a breath and continued. “her longing for love and any kind of physical pleasure made her turn her back to the only one who stuck by her side; her dog. It onl-”
“I hate to interrupt you, but what about we continue this on lunch?” Seunghyun cut me off in the middle through speaking and I frowned.
“There's still almost an hour for my lunch break. I don't want to get fired again.” I said, and he smiled wildly.
“You're not even working. besides, we can sneak out without letting anyone notice.” he said.
“Okay, as long as we won't get caught.”
“I promise, we won't.” he smiled and I melted. “So, ready for the date?” he questioned.
“So it is a date?” I replied with another question, grinning like an idiot. And that's when I cursed my brain for the second time that day.
Seunghyun nodded, a smile playing on his lips.
Damn. I will never get over his kindness, I told myself.
Me and Seunghyun barely said a word the whole drive to our date. I was still nervous about going out with him, and Seunghyun, sensing that, just quietly smiled at me every couple of minutes while he drove.
He clicked on the radio for a pleasant distraction and fiddled with its dial till he found a song he liked. I knew the song, but couldn't remember the title. It triggered a feeling of nostalgia in my heart, a memory of a time when my life was much simpler than it was now. To the time I only had my bestfriend Seungri by my side, no Dara, no Seunghyun, and no gay thoughts.
I closed my eyes, letting the music wash over me and tried to not be affected by the man sitting in the driver seat, only inches away.
Then I opened my eyes for a little to peek at the said man. He was beautiful. In the pale moonlight, his hair appeared auburn and his eyes darkened to a deep navy that matched the night sky. How was it possible that this guy was taking me on a date at this very moment? and most importantly, how was it possible that I accepted to go out with him? I wouldn't have believed this a month ago.
I realized how much I changed and matured in the past few weeks. I was confident now in a way I never could have imagined. and being called gay now wouldn't irritate me because honestly, I'm starting to believe it's true as well. Everything that had struck me as odd and a little creepy before had become normal to me now.
“Where should we go now?” Seunghyun's question brought me back to reality.
“Uhm, I don't know.” I shrugged.
“But you said you gonna pick a good place to go to.” he said, focusing his eyes on me, and I struggled to stay still.
“I did not.” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“You did.” he said, laughing at what must have been my expression of surprise.
“I told you I did not.” the words came out of my mouth in a surprising serious tone.
“Starting a fight on a first date, are we?”
I had to laugh at this, loving the fact that the tension I was feeling started to slowly disappeare. We make a good couple actually, I thought as I stared at him.
“Uhm, so do you mind if we stayed in the car? Or if you want I can take you to a good place I know, it's 15 minutes away.”
“oh no, the car's fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah”
We ended up going to the restaurant Seunghyun was talking about because my tummy couldn't stay quite. Well, a person gotta eat, right?
We entered the restaurant, and sat on the nearest table, one that was placed next to a glass wall which reflected an amazing view of a the city. A view that took my breath away, but not for so long, because the view of the man who was currently sitting before me was much more interesting.
“This's the kind of places you usually go to?.” I asked, feeling uncomfortable after scanning the place and noticing the other people around us.
“What do you mean?” Seunghyun's eyebrows lifted, defining confusion. I cleared my throat, leaned back in the dining chair, and ran my hands into the messy strands of my hair.
“Fancy places I mean. where rich people are the only ones welcomed.”
“I,” he cleared his throat as well. “I only came here once, but the food they serve is really good. And I don't think fancy restaurants are for rich people, this must be you feeling-”
“Insecure?” I interrupted.
“I was gonna say nervous, but maybe you are insecure. Are you?” I didn't know how to reply so I chose to stay quite and say nothing. So he continued. “We're not all rich you know. Some of us, the people who come to expensive restaurants have a rent to pay, and maybe children to educate, but they choose to come here because they deserve a moment of rest. They deserve to eat a well cooked meal in a lovely atmosphere, away from life's problems.”
I allowed myself a smile at his answer, feeling like I just learnt a new side of him. We continued to sit in silence and waited for a waitress to appeare.
The waitress came and took our orders, smiling a bit too widely at Seunghyun. I cursed her under my breath. she was so rude, hitting on a man while he's seated with his date.
“Uhmm,” was all Seunghyun said, breaking a silence I hasn't even noticed had descended.
“Oh, I forgot to ask what you do in the Black Choi? Do you work there?” I leaned back in my chair, arms crossed.
“ Yeah, I do work their.” He added. “It was really nice finding about that we work for the same company, Jiyong.”
The way he said that one word sent a shiver down my spine. The way he spelled my name made me stars. I had no idea what to make of the directness of his stare and had the feeling that his leaning forward again, grinning, was his way of breaking the spell he kept weaving. I really couldn't understand this man, one second he's sweet, and the next one he's throwibg some bold remakes and grinning like an evil character in a movie.
It was like he said things on purpose to make me uncomfortable and then acted like he didn't, just to keep me on my toes and to prove that he's the one in charge.
“Yeah, uh, we gonna bump into each other a lot I think.” I laid my hand atop the table as if to remind myself we were still in a restaurant and that there's people watching.
“I hope so.” He looked directly at me and smirked. I gulped. For some reason. I did a lot lately that I couldn't understand. Thought a lot that I didn't understand.
The wide smile. Choi Seunghyun couldn't look innocent if his life depended on it.
Seunghyun's laughter drew the attention of surrounding diners, and I waited a few seconds for their scrutiny to die away, then leaned in closer.
“Yeah, I hope so too.” I muttered and his smile couldn't get wider.
“So, tell me more about the painting.”
We fell into bantering like we had known each other for much longer than we had. His presence unnerved me, but he clearly desired mine or we wouldn't be here now.
Our date ended very soon, and now we were once again in his car, meters away from the Choi's building.
“So,” he echoed, a satisfied smile curving his lips. Either he enjoyed the time we spent together or some other thought amused him. His gaze flicked up, caught mine and I shuddered.
“Jiyong?” Seunghyun cocked his head.
I tried not to shiver again at the sound of my name rolling against his tongue. “Ah?” Clearing my throat, I looked down, my gaze skirting his jacket, its snug fit around his waist. The way it sat just so on his hips. I looked up with a nervous smile twisting my lips. It probably looked more like a grimace.
“Are you alright?” he leaned his head closer.
“I, should probably go now.” I said, grabbed the door handle.
“Not immediately. It would be rude of you to leave without saying goodbye” He his lips and I swallowed, hard. “Properly, don't you think?” he added.
He leaned in closer for a kiss, and I couldn't say no. I didn't want to honestly. I felt our moths crash in a sweet kiss, his full red lips perfectly melding with my own. The hair on the back of my neck stood when his tongue asked for a permission to slid in my mouth, my bottom lips and bobbing on it. Trying to part my lips with his tongue so it can permeate in every part of my mouth. I soon enough gave up and opened my mouth, letting his tongue in which on the other hand didn't wait to in my own tongue, tasting on its way the egg salad I just ate and the bitterness of the coffee I drank. He kept on it so hard, biting so hard, earning moans from my throat with every tug.
Kissing him for real was way better than kissing him in dreams. Having his tongue in my mouth made me wonder how it would feel like to have his in it instead. He interpreted this one goodbye kiss as an invitation for a makeout session. He hurriedly undid his seat belt and tossed it aside.
“No,” I said. “Not now.”
Seunghyun raised his eyebrows like a sad puppy, obviously his lips not ready to be parted from mine.
“I, need to go inside.” I puased. “The building I mean. Inside the building.”
He grabbed for me playfully with a look of mischief in his eyes.
“Okay, see tonight maybe?”
“I will see what I can do about that.” I said, he gave him one last kiss on the cheek and I ran for my job before I changed her mind.
Once inside, I found Brian and two of our other co-workers seated in the large black couch. There was a soothing warmth to the dimly lit room, I felt it.
“Oh hey, Ji. We were waiting for you, we gotta go clean up the mess the designing team did. Three guys fought over a girl and destroyed the place completely.” Brian said, and for once, I was thrilled for having this job.
On my way back home, I got a text message from Seunghyun, asking me if I'm coming over. I had no idea wheather I should go or not. I did want to go, I miss the feeling of his lips already, the feeling of him inside me. God, I think I'm addicting him. Or maybe I'm behaving this way because he was the first and only man I've ever slept with, I've ever got intimate with, both physically and emotionally. And yes, I admit I felt something more than just physical pleasure with him, and it was totally unreasonable. It doesn't make sense, I mean, I only met this guy a couple of times. But then again, I started going out with Dara after just meeting her twice. Anyhow, it didn't seem right to go to him now, not when I know little about him.
How else are you gonna get to know him if you refuse to meet him? My brain screamed.
I texted Brian telling him I won't be able to go to work on Monday, and turned off my phone, avoiding replying to Seunghyun's message or receiving new ones. I should clear my mind and keep my focus on looking for a better job, one that I requires me to actually use my talent. Observing the paintings today made me realize how I'm passionate about drawing, and I thought it's only fair to not waste this talent I have.
Plus, Seungri has been annoying me nonstop about his cousin who's coming to live with me for a while. And if he's gonna be sleeping in Seungri's room, I better go wash the sheets, and the floor, and all the couches in the house. I've became so lately, thanks to that one certain person.
Oh, and the kitchen's counter... Don't even ask!
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