Myungsoo was practically raised by Hoya after his mother passed. Of course, he had his father, but his father hadn't actually been his father even when his mother had been around. He was mean and rough. He didn't even like looking at Myungsoo or Hoya. Myungsoo's father kept Hoya around because at least then there was someone who might take care of Myungsoo for him, even if Hoya wasn't his child. It didn't matter. Myungsoo grew up with Hoya as a brother, and it was a blessing he did. Myungsoo grew up quiet and harsh even before he found out his father was a gangster, before his father was finally caught by authorities and taken away. After that he became plain cruel. It wasn't fair that he ended up with the parents he had. It wasn't fair that he and Hoya were considered monsters just because of who their father was.

If Hoya wasn't there to soften Myungsoo, he might have followed his father to jail early on.

It wasn't fair that Hoya had to put up with Myungsoo.

Hoya, who could fight but hated it every time he had to. Who was quietly sweet and creative and cared about Myungsoo even when he was impossible to be around.

Myungsoo remembers Hoya's care for the rest of his life. It almost kills him when Hoya abandons him,

"You can't do that. You can't treat people like that Myungsoo." Hoya pleads with him.

Myungsoo is hurt, inside and out. It always feels like that, it seems. He’s used to hearing the same words from Hoya. It used to carry weight with him, but now it rolls off his shoulders like nothing. It does nothing to dull the burn in him.

"And they can't treat us like this. They treat us like , Hoya. They’d like us dead and if they had the choice we would be."

Didn’t matter who it was, really. Myungsoo was tired of the looks and whispers and outright disrespect. He didn't even care anymore. He just wanted to hit something that would hit him back, make him feel something other than this frustration. He was sick of not being able to feel like a real person.

"If you go out-- if you get into any more fights--" Hoya looks away and wipes his nose on the back of his sleeve before he finishes roughly, "I'm out of here. I'm leaving."

It almost makes Myungsoo pause, but this is his brother. Hoya would never leave him.

"You're better than this." Hoya says adamantly. His eyes are wet like they usually are when he talks about how great he thinks Myungsoo is. He has to say that because he's family, Myungsoo knows that. It means nothing to Myungsoo.

So Myungsoo goes anyway. He fights and he breaks a rib and he just barely gets away from the cops and there is no one at home to help stitch him up.

He knows it's his own fault for being stubborn and reckless and mean. It’s his own damn fault for driving away the man who was like his mother, his father, and his brother rolled into one.

Naeun saves him then.

After Hoya leaves, Myungsoo does not wither away. He does not crumple up without the support of his brother. He gets angry and he becomes colder. It ends up getting him in a lot more trouble.

Naeun saves him from a fire; she practically drags him out from where he dropped when the fight ended. Where they left him to burn. He hadn't even known there was a fire until he opened his eyes to flames. But Naeun is strong and fast and she gets them out. She takes Myungsoo home.

She carries a scar that she hates from it. She hates it, but she never says so. That's for Myungsoo's sake, and he decides then and there that he will never stop trying to make it up to her.

They stick together because they work well together and they need each other. Naeun likes having someone to talk to and Myungsoo finds it comforting to have a purpose, even if it's taking care of her-- though he'd never call it that, because she would beat him for it.

Naeun calls him sweet. She says she finds him thoughtful and deep. It makes Myungsoo eye roll constantly; he thinks she's full of , but he enjoys how he doesn't have to feel so angry and burdened with her around. She doesn't scold him for being who he is and he laughs at late-night TV with her.

They adopt Sungyeol next because he sits outside of their house in the rain after he follows Naeun home. He looks hungry and bruised and stutters every time Naeun speaks to him, so Myungsoo asks Naeun almost jokingly if he needs to get rid of her stalker. They don't have to even discuss it before they let him in and give him something to eat, though.

But if Myungsoo could have one thing, he would bring back Hoya. He would be better if Hoya would just come back. He could be better.

At night Myungsoo closes his eyes and thinks of their lullaby and feels his chest swell like it always does when he thinks about it. He doesn't remember his conversation about soulmates with Hoya, but the tug in his chest doesn't need the memory. Hoya's voice always melts away from the melody in his head, though he can never really remember hearing anyone else sing the song. He hears it in a different voice, lighter and higher and sweeter. It never fails to lull him to sleep.

MM gurl u kno i leik dat soulmate sheet. I mean. It's even my tumblr url. And don't you even talk to me if you think Bokgu and Eunsuk weren't soulmates okay.

anyway

I got a new computer I gOT A NEW COMPUTER i got a ne w com puter LETS WRITE LOTS OF GAY! HAAAAYYYYY!