And back to Gengs p.o.v

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You were at the airport. Today you were going back to China. Since you told _____, she hadn’t spoken to you. You’d called her a thousand times and you went to her house, but she wouldn’t pick up or open the door.

You still hoped she’d show up, so you could at least say goodbye and finally tell her you loved her. After you told her you were going back to China at that restaurant, she only said one thing

 “How can you leave me?”

After she said that, she didn’t want to listen to you anymore. You wanted to offer her to stay if she felt the same for you as you felt for her. But she just walked out of the restaurant. You followed her to her house, you heard her crying the whole way, but you were too scared to hug her of anything like that. You just needed to know she’d come home safely.

When you went home you started to cry. You really loved her and you didn’t want to leave her, but you just couldn’t stay here, if you didn’t have a reason.

You arrived at the airport early, so you had a lot of time to think about it. And you made your decision,  this flight, you could miss it. You were going to _____ to tell her how you felt. You just couldn’t leave without having told her how much you loved her.

You ran out of the airport and looked for a taxi. You were lucky today, you didn’t have to wait.

While you were sitting in the car you got that bad feeling that you also had when _____ heard she wasn’t going to debut. And this time you were sure something was wrong.

It took you quite a while to get through the busy traffic in Seoul. But in the end you reached her house. The taxi driver gave you your suitcase and went.

You walked over to the door and knocked a few times. But no one opened.

You knew her mother was on a business trip, but _____ should be home. You called her and could hear her phone ringing. Even outside, so you decided to try the front door, but the front door was locked.

You walked to the back to try the back door, this one was also locked, but you knew where to find the spare key. _____ once showed you, in case you really needed to get in her house.

You found the key and opened the door.

“_____!” you screamed. No response.

“_____, where are you, I know you’re home!” you yelled. This was wrong.

You listened for a while, but it there only was a terrifying silence. There was no sound at all, normally you’d hear the sound of super junior songs coming out of your room. And the television and radio would be on, because _____ disliked to be in a totally silent house.

You looked around on the lower floor, but you couldn’t find _____ anywhere. And then you noticed something, there was a really bad smell in the house. It smelled like there were some food leftovers that were rotting or something. And there also was this rusty smell.

You walked upstairs, straight to her room. You walked in, but there was no one inside. You looked around and the only thing you noticed was that it was way too clean. _____ always threw her clothes just somewhere in the room and there would always be books and magazines random over the place. It should be really messy, but everything was placed in on the shelves a in her closet.

You walked over to the study room. Maybe she’d be there, because the computer was in that room and _____ had a habit of spending hours behind it, looking up super junior songs and shows they’d appear on. But as you all ready guessed even this room was empty, the room where she spent most time.

You knew there was only one room left and as you walked to it, you felt the rusty smell choke you. You started to get an idea of what caused it.

You stood in front of the bathroom and opened the door trembling, with closed eyes, scared of what you’d find behind that door.

When you opened the door you were shocked. You saw _____ laying there, next to the bathtub. There was blood everywhere, on the floor and the walls, even inside the bathtub. You looked at her, the blood was on some places still wet, which meant she’d probably did it not too long ago. But you were too late. You looked around to find a clean spot where you could sit for a while.

You took a deep breath, which wasn’t a good idea and had to run to the toilet. After you puked you felt a little better. You took another look at _____, this beautiful girl, shouldn’t be lying here like this. Then you noticed the scars on her wrists, which you reminded of that time with the whole debut thing, when she hid her wrists for you. You should’ve noticed it, but at that time you were too happy she was fine. Or at least you thought she was fine. And then you saw the letter.

Actually there were two letters, on one of them was your name. You opened it and while reading it, you burst out in tears.

Dear Geng,

If you read this, it can mean two things, or you came back, or my parents gave you this letter. I know you’re probably disappointed in me either way. Why’d I kill myself, is probably the  question popping in your head right now. Well, Geng, I shall tell you.

You now the first time we met, I was so happy I finally found a friend, someone I could talk to, someone who at least tried to understand me. And you introduced me to Heechul, at that moment I was the happiest person on earth. I had two really good friends. I remember how well the two of you supported me when you had your debut, even though I should’ve been the one supporting you.

And now, my best friend goes away. You still have Heechul or something like that, is what you’d say if I just told you this. Well no, we became friends because of you, but now he has the other super junior members to do stuff with and he doesn’t really have a reason to stay friends with me, since everyone always asks why you’d be friends with a girl like me. I’m all alone now. But that’s something I’m used to after all those years.

The real thing is, I didn’t lose just my best friend, I also lost the first person I ever fell in love with.

At this point you broke down. Why hadn’t you just told her, you should’ve stopped her when she ran out of that restaurant. Then all this wouldn’t have happened. You cried and couldn’t stop crying. All this time she felt the same for you and you never noticed. You slammed against the wall and screamed. It wasn’t fair. It was all the fault of SM. Oh at this moment you could really kill someone.

When you calmed down a bit you read further.

I’m really sorry I never told you, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. It’s not your fault, I should have told you, maybe you’d stayed if I told you. But right now, there’s nothing I can do about your leaving anymore.

If you wondered why I didn’t show up on the airport. I really wanted to, but I knew I would probably make a scene and yell at you or something. Not because I’m mad at you, I never was, not even when you told me you were going to leave. But because I’m heartbroken. And I didn’t want to let you leave with a bad feeling. I want you to have a great time in China. Make new friends, get a nice girl and continue your career as a singer.

The last thing I have to say Geng. Saranghae. I love you. And I wish things would have been different.

Love, _____.