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It was about three years ago Geng and Heechul had their debut. And you guys were still really good friends. You’d attend as much of their concerts as possible and bought all merchandise you could find. You’d have several copies of their albums and your room was full of posters. It’d be a miracle if someone found something in your room that wasn’t Super Junior related.

And it was not just because Geng –and Heechul- were in the group, apart from that you just really liked their music. And since you spent quite some time with Geng and Heech, you also got to know most of the other members quite a bit. They were all really nice to you and when Geng and Heechul were having really busy schedules you’d spend some time with them.

In all these years you’d hidden your feelings for Geng. A few members had found out by themselves, but you never told anyone. The members who knew, tried to get the two of you on a date several times – Heechul always joining them, since he shipped you from the moment he saw the two of you together -  but it never really worked out. One way or another there’d always be someone that joined you last minute. Or it would be cancelled because of his busy schedules.

On your last ‘date’ it even went like this; you and Geng finally were alone on a date. You were at a little, cozy restaurant and Geng told you  he had something really important to tell you. He’d looked into your eyes quietly for a few seconds and then he started talking. “You know, _____, we’ve known each other for almost three years now and in those three years, we became really good friends. But there’s something I want to tell you, _____.

I don’t really know how to say this but I--” at the moment he was about to tell you something important he was interrupted by the ringing of your phone. You didn’t want to answer, but it was your mom and she had told you to always answer. When you answered you found out that there was a lawsuit that day. You remembered how you’d thought it had been delayed, but the information they’d given you was wrong, so you had to go there.

You thought of Gengs face once you told him you really had to go and you didn’t even let him finish his sentence. Right now you kinda wondered why you didn’t let him finish. It wouldn’t have cost that much time and if it was really as important as he said, then you’d really need to know.  

After that day you’d only had a few phone calls with him, but you never really had the opportunity to do something. Last time you spoke to him, he told you he was having some problems with SM, but that everything would be ok. You heard something about a lawsuit against SM because of his contract or something, but you never really worried about it. You thought it would just went and everything would end well.

You heard your phone buzz and you saw you had a text from Geng. Your heart jumped as you read it:

Hey _____,

It’s quite a while ago we did something together, isn’t it? How about we go to that restaurant from last time tonight, there’s something I need to talk about with you…

Geng

You texted back directly:

Hey Geng,

Indeed, it’s quite a while ago, I still feel sorry for last time, I really shouldn’t have run off like that. And that seems like a great idea to me. How late do you expect me to be there?

x _____

Geng was the only person you’d send texts ending with a x. That was something you normally really hated, but for him you made an exception.

Later he texted you back and told you to be there at 8.

And so you spent your whole afternoon, picking clothes and searching hairstyles and make up tutorials on internet with your best friend, _____. At the end of the afternoon you’d finally found the right clothes and make up. And your best friend would do your hair, right before you had to go to the restaurant.

When she finished your hair and you both went outside, she said goodbye and went off. She had her own date with her seat, a movie and some snacks.

When you arrived at the restaurant you saw Geng waiting in front of it. You smiled and waved at him.

He looked up and waved back, but once your eyes met you saw he’d been crying or something. His eyes  were all red and swollen. You ran over to him and hugged him.

“It’s been way to long ago Geng, we really have to do stuff together more often, once your schedules are a little less busy,” you said. “Wait, Geng, have you been crying?” That was something new for you. Normally you’d be the one who had cried and needed to be comforted.

But Geng just nodded and took you inside the building.

When the two of you sat on a table – the same as last time – suddenly a bad feeling came to you. You didn’t know if it was because Geng had cried or just because of the atmosphere, but you felt there would be some really bad news tonight.

Finally Geng started to talk. “Look, _____, you know this whole lawsuit I started against SM because of my contract, right? Well it looks like there’s no way we can fix things. So, Shisus, I really hate to tell you this, but I think I’m moving back to China.

And with that your world broke down. That afternoon you had decided to finally tell Geng how you really felt about him. You’d tell him how much you’ve loved him for the past years and that you wanted to be with him. But now he was moving back to China. And there was no way you could believe that. After all these years, your best friend and secret lover was leaving.

“I’m really sorry, _____. There’s just one other thing I want to tell you. It’s just as important but you know I--" but again he was cut off, this time by giving him a death glare.

You just had five words to say to him.

 “How can you leave me?”