so, i'm uploading this first chapter....

just like i always said at my other fics, don't be hesitated to drop any comments...

comments are loved ^^

hope this chapter comes out good enough (:

this fic is unbeta-ed, so, sorry for the grammar mistakes and typos... 

***

It always the same thing that he felt every morning. Loneliness, emptiness overwhelmed his senses the second he opened his eyes. For minutes, he’d felt so numb that he always wondered what’s changed on himself.

Stood up slowly, he made his way to the front of the body-height-mirror that was placed on one side of his wall. He observed his reflection. Long limbs, slim-no, thin body actually, and his too pale skin that looked unhealthy. His appearance was getting worse, just as his feeling.

He traced his cheekbones, that protruded of his thin skin. He has lost lot of weight these past few months. He even forgot the last time he had real meal. He just didn’t feel like eating all these times, that made the people around him worried, with the constant pounds that’re reduced day by day.

Never he believed when one said that pain in the heart could lead to physical pain too. But now, he himself was experiencing it. His aching heart always been accompanied by the aching body. It’s hard to believe that even his body became his own enemy.

He felt like crying, but he couldn’t. It seemed the tears has long dried that there wasn’t left anymore for him to cry. His chapped lips turned into a bitter smile. A smile that he never imagine would ever be placed on his face.

People said that he was a kind of people that would never really cry in his life. That he was the type that live his life full of smiles and laughs. But if love could change someone’s personality, there he  was the proof.

He couldn’t bear looked at his reflection any longer. Not when it reminded him about that person.

A knock was startled him to the bones. He walked slowly toward the door and opened it carefully. His dongsaeng was standing outside the door. The worry was written all over his face.

“Hyung,” he called hesitantly.

“Hm?”

“Let’s eat. I’ve prepared the breakfast.”

“I don’t feel like eating, Sungjong.”

“Sungyeol – hyung, please,” Sungjong pleaded, “Just one bite is okay, as long as you eat.”

Looking at his face, Sungyeol couldn’t bring himself to refuse. He nodded, “Let me wash up first, ‘kay?”

Sungjong smiled softly, “Okay. I’ll wait for you, hyung.”

He entered his bathroom and turned the faucet on. He splashed the water quickly on his face, then grabbed his tootbrush, brushed his teeth quickly. He finished all his morning routine without a glance to the mirror, afraid of his own reflection that’d be shown.

Made his way to the kitchen, the guilty that he felt was getting bigger with every step that he took. He made a lot people that cared for him  so worried. It’s better that his parent were working overseas. Because he didn’t want to make they worried too.

At this period, he has ditched all the people that close to him. He closed himself that even he himself couldn’t recognized who he was. He was getting further from all of his friends and his brother, to the point where all his friends had given up on him. It’s just his brother, Sungjong, that always tried to cope with his new personality.

His heart clenched tightly when he saw the efforts that his brother gave for his sake. Seeing him busy all over, preparing his breakfast everyday, though he never really ate it, was hurting his feeling. He hated himself more for each sad expression that he put on his brother’s face.  He tried to change, to ease his brother’s worry, but never his effort was successful.

Gently, he pulled a seat across his brothers, startled Sungjong that was deep in thought. He gave Sungyeol a soft smile when he realized his presence.

“I’ve prepared your favourite food, hyung. Try it, I’m sure that it’s as good as eomma’s,” Sungjong said cheefully.

Sungyeol smiled weakly as he took the chopstick. He was hesitanted at first, but forced himself to have a bite. And Sungjong was right, it tasted really good, just like how’s his mother cook.

He swallowed it and then took one more bite. He kept put another bites into his mouth, tried to swallow them as quick as he could. He didn’t want to make his brother sadder anymore.

“Hyung,” Sungjong called worriedly, “Eat slowly.”

Sungyeol just smiled slightly with his mouth full, but didn’t slow  down his pace.

The usual feeling was coming. His stomach was grumbled furiously, as the nausea started rising on his throat. He swallowed the food on his mouth, and pressed his lips shut tightly. He was  hoping that the nausea would calm down, but it’s a false hope. The nausea was getting worse instead.

He stood up abruptly, then made a run to the bathroom. Wishing that he could make it on time. He slammed the bathroom door hard, opened the closet lid, then threw up all the food that he just ate.

“Hyung..?” he heard Sungjong from behind of him. But he couldn’t brought himself to take a look since his stomach was still in the middle of emptying its contents.

He felt a hand rubbed his back gently, as he coughed the last content out. His mouth is bitter and felt so disgusting. He straightened up, then made his way to the wastafel. He didn’t waste any seconds to brush his teeth, removed all the disgusting taste from his mouth.

Once he finished, he looked upward to the mirror. He looked paler than before, and the dark circles are getting more visible. He was trembling slightly. He looked at his brother through the reflection on the mirror and found he was crying.

“Sungjong – ah,” Sungyeol turned around and pulled his brother into a hug, “Don’t cry, please.”

“I’m sorry hyung, I can’t stop it,” Sungjong sobbed on his shoulder. Every drop of the tears on his shirt brought a stab of icy knive to his heart.

“There’s nothing to sorry about, Sungjong – ah,” Sungyeol said as he caressed his brother’s hair gently, “It’s my fault, not yours.”

“Hyung...” Sungjong sobbed harder, he clutched Sungyeol’s shirt desperately.

It broke his heart to realize that he was the reason of all the sadness on his brother.

“Ssh, everything is going to be okay, I promise,” Sungyeol said, deep in heart wishing that it’d coming true.