‘so much for wanting to change the man...’

I whispered to myself...it was again another night of love making or should i call it another night of great and i woke up for the nth time again to an empty bed or to another one of siwon’s expensive gifts. This time he left paper bag from a famous shop in new york and knowing him he bought in online...it was another kate spade bag from him no doubt. I sighed and cant help but feeling that he was trying to buy me, why would he buy a woman that he already have?

I stretched on the bed and felt tears flowing from my eyes and since he was gone there was no use of hiding my pain and the sadness. Why cant he see that i am not like the other girls he dated nor can he compare me with the girls that he is meeting due to his work in the entertainment industry. I can buy everything that my heart desires, he doesnt have to shower me with gifts for he cant buy what already belongs to him.

‘damn you Choi Siwon...damn you’ i whispered as i buried my face on his side of the bed, the pillow and the blanket still smells a lot like him and funny how it gave me comfort knowing that he spent the whole night with me yet it makes me mad wondering why wont he stay with me til morning. I am sure i dont snore nor do i have morning breath...blahh that man.

Looking around at my empty bedroom with its messy bed and uhh my scattered clothes all over the floor i decided to just go out and get some sunshine or maybe get some shopping done. I eyed the bag on my bedside table as i gathered the blanket around my still body and grabbed the bag as i walked into my walk in closet. Most of the things he has given me stayed inside one of my glass cabinets, some of them are still in their boxes or bags when he first purchased them. I planned to give them all back when the time comes he would need me no more and just thinking about that makes me want to just weep but then again i got myself into this mess i know i just have to find a way out or make him fall in love with me...

‘how do i make Choi Siwon fall in love with me?’ i whispered as i rushed towards the bathroom once again bothered by our situation again.

i was about to leave my unit when my phone rang and seeing it was ria i answered it as i locked the door and walked towards the waiting elevator.

‘konichiwa ria-chan...how are you?’

She giggled and i could hear the sheer happiness in her voice, i often envy the suju wives because of how open they are with the relationship that they have with their husbands where as i, siwon and i agreed not to let the media know and everytime he’s asked why he is always seen in this building he would often say that he owns the building which is true. i moved here not knowing that he is the owner but to hell with that.

‘hi unnie! I’m alright, i just want to ask if you’re free today, the girls and i are at Kona Bean, would you like to join us?’

I hesitated for a moment knowing that the Kona Bean is owned by sungmin, kyuhyun and teukie oppa’s mothers and its the official hang out of suju and their wives and of course their fans, it would be weird if the fans find me there...but how can i say no to a request from one of my friends?

‘uhh wouldnt it be awkward if im there? Im not in anyway related to any suju member...’ i answered

‘unnie its fine...you’re dating siwon oppa and you’re our friend, we’ll see you here alright? Ato de unnie!’

 and with that said she ended the call and i was left staring at my still shocked reflection at the mirrored walls of the elevator. Somehow she had a point but then again i know full well that what siwon and i have is not in anway romantic...it was just pure lust and nothing more, it wasnt his fault that along the way that i fell in love with him.

*Siwon’s Pov*

‘annyeong oppa!’

I looked up and saw the smiling face of kyuhyunnie’s wife, ria as she placed my orders on the table, it was a surprise seeing the suju wives in the shop and serving their customers though i know that they always do that whenever they dont have any scheduled work to help the mothers of sungmin, kyuhyun and teukie hyung. I smiled at her and mouthed my thanks, my mind was nowhere to what i was reading for my mind is as usual filled with thoughts of Ayumi.

I sighed as i remembered her sleeping face as i slept beside her after that night of lovemaking, yes i would call it that because there is no such thing as when it comes to her and i wouldnt be sleeping with any woman not unless i care for her, though i really cant say if i love her. She’s everything a man could ever want in a woman, successful, smart, beautiful inside and out, but i just cant give my heart to her...the fear of being rejected is always there and the fear of being cheated on.

‘oppa are you alright?’ she asked me

I smiled at her and nodded ‘ne...i’m ok, how are you ria-chan...we havent talked for a while’ i answered her as i patted the seat beside me ‘is kyuhyunnie treating you right?’

‘ne oppa...we’re doing very well. What about you and Ayumi? Are you and unnie doing ok as well?’

‘i guess you can say that...we’re dating, she’s an amazing girl’

‘then why arent you making a move to make her yours?’ she asked.

I was speechless for a while not knowing what i would answer her, usually i always have answers to their questions but right now when it comes to Ayumi i am simply at loss for words.

‘lets just say i think Ayumi and i arent meant in that kind of relationship ria-chan, we both arent ready for it...’

She was about to open and say something when she turned around and she let out a squeal as she stood up and rushed to greet someone behind us. Turning around i saw Ayumi’s sad eyes as she looked at me but as soon as Ria hugged her she focused her attention on the latter.

‘uh oh, trouble...’ i whispered.

a/n: 

another update for you guys...comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated and to keyrea thanks so much for liking my work chingu!! :) i enjoy reading your comments!