Kei slowly opens his eyes frowning feeling the familiar sensation of a hangover. He feels something weighing down his left arm and turn thinking Alex isn’t supposed to be home. Horror strikes him when he sees that it is Aiko. He jerks his arm away and she lets out a shocked sound. He sits up and looks around realizing he isn’t home. “!” He scratches his neck and looks down lifting the sheet covering him "..." his heartbeats starts racing when he realizes what he has done.

“!” He yells and jumps out of the bed finding his pants on the floor.

“Honey what are you doing?” The girl tiredly ask

“Do not call me honey!” Kei sneers and pulls up his pants, closing them while trying to collect his thoughts “What the am I doing here?” He feels his heart ache. He would never cheat on Alex. He looks back at the girl and shakes his head "I wouldn't cheat"

“Don’t be silly baby” The girl chippers “You left that and realized you belong with me”

“Don’t you call Alex a ! And don’t be stupid I would never leave Alex” Kei hisses

“Come on Kei last night you said she had someone else” The girl complains “We can finally be us again”

“There never were an us” Kei snaps. He grasps his head “!” he looks around for his shirt.

"She isn’t with someone else. The guy is her brother. Remember Kei. She told you so many times" He closes his eyes hitting his temple with his fist cursing himself to hell for his jealousy. Alex told him Seungho was just a friend and a brother, nothing more. She said that every time she notices him scowling at the picture of her with MBLAQ and every time she had been on the phone with them.

She would come over and wrap her arms around him smiling and look in his eyes saying that they were just like brothers to her. He would sigh and ask if she was sure and she’d lean in kissing him deeply and tell him she never did that with them. He would wrap his arms around her and show her how much he loves her.

Kei feels tears whelming up “I cheated on Alex” he hits the wall leaving a dent “YOU ING !” He yells towards the girl and looks away spotting his shirt. Her bra over it. He kicks her bra away and takes his shirt. It smells like Aiko. Disgusting.

“Don’t call me a ! You wanted this!” She hisses

“NO! I never wanted this!” He yells knowing it was something he would have done to girls before Alex. He pulls his shirt on and looks for the rest of his clothes.

Aiko comes over , flaunting everything and holds onto his arm “Baby be reasonable. We both knew she wasn’t anything for you” Kei pushes her away “Stay away from me” He sneers looking at her with disgust.

She crosses her arms and scowls at him “You ed me buddy. I’m gonna tell that and what do you have then? Might as well stay with me” Kei walks over in her face pointing a finger directly at her “Don’t you dare threaten me!”

She glares back at him “Or what?”

Kei clenches his jaw. He got nothing.

“Admit you missed me” She says smirking.

Kei has to laugh “Missed you? You got to be kidding me. No ing way” He walks away and feels a lamp hitting his back sending him falling forwards

“YOU !” She yells. Kei ignores her and just gets up picking up his underwear and socks heading for the door where his jacket and shoes are thrown randomly.

“YOU !” She yells again throwing more stuff his way. He doesn’t care if it hits him he feels like shooting himself on the spot. He can't believe he just cheated on the girl he loves.

He walks out putting his shoes on while walking down the stairs. He sticks his underwear and socks in his pocket, doesn’t even bother putting his jacket on even though it is snowing outside. He walks in his t-shirt and shoes without socks down the street trying to remember what happened and how he ended up at the ’s home.

He looks at the time. He knows Alex is gonna be released today and he has to tell her, he knows that. He was gonna pick her up with flowers and everything making sure she knew how much he loves her but that isn’t happening now.

He reaches their flat and he hurries in taking a shower without waiting for the water to become warm. He stands there letting the cold water hit his body, trying to remove every trace of Aiko. He gets out wrapping the towel around his waist and spots himself in the mirror. A hicky is taunting him on his collarbone.

He finds the clothes he had been wearing and throws it in the washing machine. He takes a couple of steps backwards and drops to his knees rubbing his eyes and shakes his head "I slept with another girl!"

It’s not like it is the first time he cheated on a girl but he never cheated on someone he actually cared about. He wants to spend his life with Alex and then he lets his jealousy get the best of him like that.

He swallows and wipes a tear from his cheek. He walks to their bedroom finding some clothes. As he closes his pants he glances to the bed. How many times has he woken up and looked at her sleeping face on his shoulder? How many times has he kissed her forehead and watched her lips curl up into a smile while her eyelids slowly lifted and he would see the endless sky in her eyes. He feels a lump in his throat.

He knows Alex’s past. She told him all about it when he gave her a necklace with a key asking her to move in with him. She had smiled so brightly and kissed him so tenderly but then she had become distant for a sec and looked at him saying he needed to know some things before she would say anything.

She told him everything about the crash, her memory, MBLAQ and the time after.

Kei grasps his head again. She has been through so much and now he cheated on her while she was in the bloody hospital. He screams in frustration and stumbles back hitting the wall. He hits his head back against it and slides down to the floor.

“Alex please forgive me” He cries and hits his head back against the wall again. He looks around the room. He wanted them to find a joined place but she didn’t care if he had memories of past girls in his house. She said they would create stronger and better memories together.

He told her then he loved her for the first time. It went so fast but he was head over heels in love with her. He is head over heels in love with her.

She was so sure in him. He loved that about her. She didn’t get jealous when girls were around him. He knew she had a hard time believing in people but once she decided a person was trustworthy she never doubted them. She trusted him to not do anything stupid.

She didn’t have any reason to doubt him. He loves her.

"Oh god" he hits his head against the wall again quite sure he couldn't possibly hate himself more than he does in this moment.

From the moment they met he knew she was something else, after she kissed him he was sure he wanted her to be his and the first time he woke up with her arms around him he knew he was falling in love with her.

And then this. Kei sniffs and rubs his temples “I ed up” He was always jealous of her close relationship with Seungho but they were separated by an ocean so he could ignore it. But seeing him coming all the way from Korea just like that… he snapped. If Alex had been awake he might not have left. He hits his head again "It's not her fault. I messed up"

He gets up puts on a clean t-shirt and walks back to the living-room. He sees his phone. A text from Alex saying she is on the way. He drops on the couch and covers his face with his hands feeling how his heart is aching with pain and worry. Worst thing could be if that idol was with her.

*It is his fault!* Kei thinks to himself. If he hadn’t been at her side he wouldn’t have gotten drunk. He sighs knowing it is a lame excuse.

He just sits motionless until he hears the lock on the door snap. He stands up and looks at her as she enters with a content sigh “I really hate hospitals” She mumbles closing the door. She rubs her shoulder where the bullet had hit her. It didn’t really do any damage thank god.

Kei swallows. Seungho isn’t with her, that is good.

“Seungho didn’t come. He knows you don’t trust him. I really hope you two will become friends at some point” Alex smiles hanging up her jacket. Kei looks down "I doubt it"

“Kei? Are you okay?”

He looks up at her and tries not to cry “I-I need to talk with you” He says trying to stop his voice from trembling. Alex hurries over and places her right hand on his cheek “Baby what is it?” She leans her forehead against his softly moving her thump over his cheek.

He closes his eyes just feeling her. A tear runs from his eye.

“You are scaring me Kei” She runs her good arm around his neck hugging him. He leans his head against hers but can’t bring himself to hug her back. He has no right.

“I’m so sorry” He mumbles in her neck.

She tenses “What?” She moves back “What did you do?”

He makes her sit on the couch and sits on the chair across from it. He looks at his hands the entire time he tells her what happened. How he had showed up at the hospital and asked for her. How he had hurried down the hall to see her and when he stepped in he saw Seungho sitting there. He tells her how he felt Seungho was blaming him for letting her get in trouble. The guy wouldn’t even look at him.

Tears start slowly moving down his cheeks.

He tells her how jealous he got and how he had left and gone to a bar. He tells her he drank a lot and that he remembers Aiko being there but then it gets blurry and his memory fails. He tells her he woke up in Aiko’s bed and he tells her everything he felt and how he left.

He pauses now and then but Alex doesn’t say a word. She just looks at him motionless. He knows she doesn’t like to show weakness. Never has he seen her cry.

When he has nothing more to tell he looks up meeting her eyes. She returns his look but he can't see if she is hurt or pissed. She seems to be taking it in, processing it.

“I’m so sorry Alex” He says now really crying. “I didn’t mean to… I would never… Please forgive me. I know I messed up please let me make it right!”

Then she shakes her head and huffs. Kei feels a knife in his heart

“Was it worth it?” She looks at him with eyes so cold and distant. Her voice is equally as cold. Colder than the cold shower, colder than the walk in the snow without his jacket.

Alex stands up and walks back to the door putting on her shoes and jacket.

“Alex!” Kei stands up and walks towards her but she doesn’t even look his way. He drops to his knees “Alex don’t leave me” He cries

The door closes quietly behind her

“Don’t leave me” he says shaking his head “DON’T LEAVE ME!” He yells at the top of his lungs and hammers his fist in the floor sobbing like a child. He leans forwards and cries holding on to the back of his head with his hands. Knuckles turning white.

“Please don’t” he opens his eyes looking at the floor “I love you”