My eyes are puffy and sore when I wake, and I rub them furiously. Changhyun is still sleeping beside me, so I move quietly as I pull myself reluctantly out of bed. I walk slowly towards the bathroom, relishing its coolness as soon as I step inside. I splash water over my face, surprising myself when I look in the mirror. My eyes are blooshot and coated with dark circles. Well, I guess that's what happens when you don't get a good night's sleep...

I carelessly dry my face with a towel and head out to the kitchen. I'm so tired that I don't even have the strength to yell at Byunghyun and Jonghyun who are in the process of 'getting it on' on the coach. I don't really want to anyway..

Byunghyun looks up at me as I walk past and suddenly pushes Jonghyun away and tells him to stop. I feel his gaze burning holes into my back but I refuse to turn and look at him. I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me angry and upset. Even if I'm still not sure why. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and begin sculling it, trying to push all thoughts of Byunghyun out of my mind. When I turn around to go back to Changhyun's room the pair of them are gone. Probably to my room...I swear I should just become a permanent resident in Changhyun's room, but I am not sleeping in Jonghyun's bed. That would just be...weird.

Changhyun is still sleeping soundly, so I stealthily slide onto the bed and wrap my arms around him. He smells sweet and musky, and I bury my face in his hair. He murmurs a little in his sleep and stretches out his arms. I lie completely flat against him and whisper into his ear.

"Changhyun....hyung's bored...get up..." He groans and tries to push me away with his arm. I refuse to move and clamp onto him tighter.

"Come on Chan Chan...wake up..." No response.

"Fine...if you insist..." I being tickling the boy's waist, and he's instantly in fits of laughter.

"Hyung...stop...leave me alone! Hyung!" He squeals as I continue to attack him, and I wrap my legs around his, holding him down. I rub my nose along his neck, causing him to shiver. I whisper softly in his ear.

"Will you get up now?" He smiles and is about to answer when I hear a cough from the doorway. I turn and see Byunghyun staring at the floor, looking awkward and uncomfortable.

"Uh... Minsoo made us breakfast...he told me to come and get you guys if you're hungry..." He shuffles out of the room and I feel heat rising in my cheeks. From his point of view, this would have looked very strange. And very wrong. Sh*t, good job Chanhee..

I pull myself off Changhyun and grab his arm. "Come one, lets go eat." He yawns and follows me. "Ok, hyung."

Wonderful smells are coming from the kitchen as I sit beside Changhyun at the dining table with the other members. I can hear Minsoo in the kitchen cooking, and I look across from me to see Daniel looking like he just walked out of a bush. His hair is literally everywhere. Byunghyun is resting his elbows on the table, whislt Jonghyun has his arm lazily around his waist. They both look so comfortable, without a care in the world...

and it makes me upset. I feel selfish and mean, but it really hurts me to see them like that. Am I... jealous?

Never. I wouldn't be. Not of them, no. Never.

Byunghyun sees my gaze and he quickly pulls Jonghyun's arm away from him, shooting him an apologetic look as he does so. I look down at my feet and feel anger filling my insides. He sees me staring and then pulls away, as if that makes it any better.

Without thinking I grab Changhyun's hand under the table and entwine my fingers with his. He stared at me, surprised, but he must see the sadness on my face as he gives me a reassuring squeeze. I begin rubbing circles on his palms, attempting to distract myself. Minsoo brings out our breakfast and everyone is soon absorbed in eating. Except me. Changhyun places a pancake on my plate and I stare at it, as if unsure of what to do with it. Changhyun pokes my side and then stares from me to my food. I sigh and pick up my fork, pushing my food around on my plate. I don't feel hungry. I feel sick. Not in a way that would make throw up or faint, but in the way that I have a hollow feeling in the bottom of my stomach that I don't believe food can fill. After a few minutes of making a mess of my food Changhyun nudges me and holds out his fork to me with a piece of pancake placed on it. He trys moving it towards my mouth to feed me but I resist, pushing it away and shaking my head. He leans in close to me.

"Just because you're upset doesn't mean you can't eat. You have to, hyung." I shake my head again and rise from my seat, moving my plate to the side.

"Where are you going?" Minsoo questions.

"To the bathroom. I don't feel very well. I'll be back."

I walk away and hear Daniel singing 2PM's "I'll Be Back" and the other members laughing. I close the bathroom door and sit beside the shower, feeling fragile, as if I could break. I'm confused. I'm tired. I'm upset. My head is spinning with thoughts and my stomach is sore. I rest my head on my knees, closing my eyes. My mind is almost blank of thoughts when I hear a knock on the door. Thinking it's probably Changhyun, I call out.

"Come in." The door creaks open slowly and Byunghyun's head peers out from behind it. I instantly look away. Funny, only a few days ago I would never have done something like this.

Well, things change I guess..

"Are you ok hyung? You didn't eat anything this morning.."

"I'm fine. And I did eat, you just didn't see me." I snap at him, and feel surprised at how easily the lie slips from my lips. Never would I lie to Byunghyun, I swore I never would. Things really have changed..

"Don't lie to me hyung, I saw you. You didn't touch your food, you only-"

"Don't you have someone else to be paying attention to? Like Jonghyun? He's probably wondering where you are now, you wouldn't want to leave him waiting." I cut him off, desperately wanting him just to leave me alone.

He sighs. "You're my friend hyung. I have to pay attention to you too."

"Am I? And you have to, you don't want to but have to?"

He shakes his head furiously. "No, no, hyung, that's not what I meant at all-"

"I get it. Don't worry about." I pick myself up off the floor and walk out of the room, nudging shoulders with Byunghyun as I walk past, not bothering to say sorry.

What's happened to me...I feel like a different person now...

All of these things I never thought I would I am suddenly doing like it's a normal occurrence. I've suddenly become moody, easily upset and judgemental. And I know it.

I enter Changhyun's room feeling pissed off and a little lonely. I walk over to where he is reading on his bed. I capture his arms inside my grasp and pull him down onto the bed. He drops his book in shock.

"Gosh hyung, you scared me. What's up?" I nestle my nose into his neck and nuzzle around his collarbone. I feel his body tense and I slowly pull away.

"Hyung..what are you doing...?" His voice is a little shaky.

"I'm bored Changhyun...I'm lonely..." I move my arms down to his stomach and slide them upwards, feeling each rib bone along my finger. He is now completely rigid and tries to push away from me.

"Hyung..stop it, please." I refuse to let go, and he finally manages to escape from my grasp. He looks at me strangely.

"Don't...don't do that again, ok hyung? It was a bit..weird." I turn away from him and face the other way as a tear runs down the bridge of my nose. God, I'm like a little girl! I cry over nothing! Since when was I such a little ..

I feel Changhyun's arm on my shoulder and I flick it away, flinching at his touch. He suddenly grabs the sides of my chest and physically pulls me over to face him. Since when was he so strong?

"Hyung...you've been really strange lately...and moody, kinda like a girl on her period," I have to laugh through my tears at that. He's really random sometimes.

"And I know it's got something to do with Byunghyun. Come on, you can tell me hyung."

I shake my head. "No...I don't even understand it Changhyun, it won't make any more sense to you than it does to me."

"Try me." His eyes looking into mine are so trusting that I spill everything, from what Byunghyun told me on that strange night to what I feel whenever I see him and Jonghyun together. He just sits, listens and nods in all the right places. Changhyun, you can't help but love him sometimes.

"Hyung...I know what your problem is." I stare at him, shocked. Is he really that good at reading things?

"You're in love hyung, but you just don't want to admit it." I begin laughing.

"Love? Changhyun, if I was in love, would I really be this upset?" He nods, surprising me.

"Yes hyung, that's what it does to you. Especially unrequited love. I know the feeling..." I open my mouth to question him but he cuts me off before I can.

"You love Byunghyun, you just haven't fully realised it. Trust me, I know. It happened to me too. If you find it in yourself to admit it then everything becomes a lot easier. Just trust me, hyung." I stare blankly into the distance. Love? I love....I love Byunghyun? I love Byunghyun...I love Byunghyun...

The more I say it to myself, the more it becomes a statement rather than a question. So this is it...I love....Byunghyun. I love Byunghyun.

"You're sure?" I question Changhyun, but I'm pretty sure I already know the answer.

"I don't think I've ever been more positive about anything else in my life, hyung." I nod, trying to process this new information, as Changhyun pull me into a warm hug. I melt against him, relaxing at his welcoming touch. He suddenly pulls away and I look up, confused.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, I'll be right back." He quietly leaves the room and I decide to get up as well. I don't feel like eating much this morning, even after hearing this revelation, but I know my stomach needs something inside it. I walk along the hallway to the kitchen but stop when I hear loud voices from mine and Byunghyun's room.

"No, Jonghyun, I don't want to."

"Come on, what's your problem? You were perfectly fine with this before."

"I'm just not in the mood, okay?"

"You were definitely in the mood the past couple of days.."

"Well maybe I'm starting to listen to what everyone's has been saying! You've heard them Jonghyun! They think we're going to fast, they're comparing us to animals and as of late I have to agree! Don't you want to slow down just a little?"

"Thanks for telling me this now, Byunghyun. Thanks a lot." I hear footsteps padding along the floor and quickly race to the kitchen as I hear a door slam. Jonghyun storms into the kitchen, but soon changes his look as he spots me staring at him.

"Oh hyung, you're up again. Are you feeling any better?" I nod and look away, grabbing a drink from the fridge as I do. I feel his eyes on me and I begin to walk out of the kitchen, not wanting to be there any longer than I have to. He grabs my shoulder before I can leave.

"Hyung, lately you've been acting strange, and I think it's because of me. What have I done? I'll change, I promise." I smile weakly at him.

"It's not you Jonghyun, it's me being a little . I'm just a little moody lately, I haven't been sleeping very well. It's not you, alright? Stop worrying about me. I'm fine." I pat him on the back as I walk away, feeling bad as I didn't mean one word I said to him.

It is because of Jonghyun and I'm not fine, not fine at all.

I sigh as I walk back to the bedroom and flop onto the bed, my limbs sprawled out in all directions.

"Hyung? Since we don't have schedules, Minsoo is taking most of us out shopping. Do you want to come with?" I shake my head and groan.

"I just want to sleep...is that ok?"

"Of course hyung, I'll see you when we get back. Sleep well." I nod lazily as he exits the room. I slowly drift into an unsettled sleep, my mind spinning, full of thoughts.

Thoughts of Jonghyun.

I wake what I guess is a few hours later to shouting coming from outside. I rub my eyes and sit up in bed, confused. I thought everyone went shopping? I think back to my conversation with Changhyun. Oh, most of us. Not all, just most.

I rise sleepily and head out to find the source of the yelling. Ironically, it is coming from mine and Byunghyun's room. Again?

"What's your problem?!"

"I just don't want to Jonghyun, okay! Why can't you just understand that!"

"Because one minute you're all over me and the next you are telling me to off! You're sending me mixed signals, what am I supposed to think?"

"Just listen to me for once: I.Don't.Want.To.Do.This. OK?"

"Whatever. Just leave then if you're going to be like that."

"Fine. I will!" I hear stamping noise and step back as the door is swung open, revealing a frustrated looking Byunghyun. He stares at me, surprised.

"What are you doing here?" He hisses and I step back, shocked.

"I heard shouting and I got worried...what are you guys fighting about?"

"None of your business." He walks past me, nearly knocking me over. I watch after him in bewilderment. I'm about to head back to Changhyun's room when I hear soft sniffling noises coming from my room. I peer from behind the door to see Jonghyun crying on my bed. I quickly walk up to him and grab his hands in mine, kneeling beneath him.

"Jongie? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" He looks down at me and quickly wipes his eyes free of tears.

"What's wrong Jongie?" I ask again, and he pauses before replying.

"I've just realised something hyung."

"What's that?"

"Some things are really superficial. And nothing's ever perfect. If something doesn't fit properly, like odd pieces of a puzzle, you can't properly stick them together if they aren't right for eachother....Does that make sense?" I nod and he shakes his head, wiping his eyes again.

"Sorry hyung, I'm babbling nonsense, I  don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just very dissapointed in myself."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a very selfish person, and I put my wants before others. Even my hyungs." He sniffles. "You know what hyung, you were right. About me, not Byunghyun though. I'm a bastard. I really am," He smiles weakly through his tears, tearing my heart a little.

"You aren't Jonghyun, I didn't mean that. I've just been pretty y lately. A lot, actually. Don't listen to me, I'm stupid." He laughs a little, startling me.

"If anyone's stupid here it's me hyung. Trying to make something work that isn't possible. I guess we both screwed up a little, didn't we?"

I nod, not even knowing what he did wrong, but knowing that I stuffed up a lot of things and I regret a lot too.

He suddenly pulls me onto the bed and hugs me, sniffling into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around his back and start rubbing circles soothingly.

"Thank you hyung..." He whispers into my ear, and I feel tears filling my eyes. Why.Do.I.Cry.So.Much?!

"You're welcome Jongie..."

I hear the loud voices of Niel and Minsoo, letting me know that they returned from shopping. A small knock on the door causes both mine and Jonghyun's head to turn. Changhyun's standing at the door.

"What happened to you guys? Did you have a fight?" He walks over to join our little hugging circle and I pull him into close and so does Jonghyun.

"No...we've both just been a bit stupid, haven't we Jong?" He nods and suqeezes his eyes shut, stopping the flow of tears. The three of us sit there, listening to each other breathe, feeling each other's heart beats, watching each other cry. This is one thing I love about being in Teen Top. We are more than a group, we are a family. The younger member's especially. I feel so attached to them, like they are my own siblings. Thinking of Teen Top without them is impossible, because it wouldn't be Teen Top without them.

I need them just as much as they need me.

After noteee

three chaps in one day woop!

Yes im updating this a lot so I can have more time to spend on my other fics as well, and i have an exscuse because i updated this a lot haha!

but don't worry i will still update this hopefully daily, as you can see this fic is actually day by day accounts of teen top, so yeah :3

This is actually probably my fave fic tied with another long one of mine. Thanks for subbing and reading!

as always,

ily xx