How long have I had feelings for Byunghyun?

Well, I guess you could say forever. If forever means since trainee days, when we first met. I guess I just didn't realise it until now.

He always acted cold around the other members, but it seemed as though fate had us roomed together (instead of our manager) and I got to know the real him, not the stony guy he portrays. I learned that he has a great sense of humor, he tries his hardest to always act 'cool' and that he's not very good at expressing his feelings or speaking his mind. 

I also found out that he was gay.

We'd just finished a terrifying scary movie marathon- which Byunghyun loved and I absolutely hated- and we were sitting on our beds in the darkness as we talked about random every day things. Until Byunghyun blurted out something strange.

"What do you think of gay people, hyung?"

I felt my mouth slack open. What kind of question is that?

He stares at me, waiting for a reply.

"Um...I don't know really, I haven't actually met any-"

"What would you think if I was gay?" He cuts me off, and this time my jaw really does drop open. He's....he's gay?

"Uh I....I wouldn't think anything Byunghyun, I-"

"Nevermind, forget I said anything." He pulls down his duvet and hops into bed, not making another sound. I sit in the same position, satring blankly into the pitch black night. So he's gay? I...well....that was odd...

When we woke up for our schedules the next morning Byunghyun was his normal, placid self, and he simply smiled and acted as if nothing ever happened.

Maybe that's what I should do too....?

Over the next few days I spent a lot of time thinking to myself whenever I had the chance. Does this mean maybe...he likes me? More than a friend? I tried to shake this idea out of my head. I've always like Byunghyun, but I've always liked him as my friend, my too-cool-for-us-all dongsaeng. Yep, that's the way I like him. I really wasn't sure about...anything else. I know I've always favoured him over the other members, but I've always thought that's because we've been roomed together from the very beginning, therefore I know him better than the rest. And I still don't doubt that.

Not one bit.

But I still recieved a shock when Byunghyun came out to the rest of the group that he was gay in the strangest way. No, not even strange, just plain confusing. Especially for me.

There we were, Daniel, Minsoo, Changhyun and I, watching some pathetic drama on TV. It's all too melodramatic for my tastes. There's love, then there's hate, some more love, then more hate, then somebody has to die. Yep, you get the drift. So stereotypical.

Suddenly, (and ironically during the drama's ) Byunghyun walks into the room with Jonghyun. And no, they aren't just side by side, they are holding hands. L.joe's eyes meet all of ours aswe turn away from the TV, but Jonghyun's stay trained to the floor, and I can spy the hint of a blush rising in his cheeks.

"Everyone, Jonghyun is now my boyfriend. We are now going to bed. Goodnight."  He announces it, just like that, as if he were a TV reporter updating the latest news, before leaving us all bewildered, towing a now furiously red faced Jonghyun behind him. I turn my gaze towards the others and find all eyes on me.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're his room mate. Did you know about this?" Niel queries. I shake my head erratically.

"I had no idea..."

"I didn't know Jonghyun was gay. He never told me..." I look over to the soft voice coming from a teary eyed Changhyun. He sees me staring at him with concern and brushes his eyes before quickly standing. "I'm going to bed now too. Goodnight hyungs." He walks away, leaving me even more confused.

"Well...that was odd." Minsoo breaks the silence that had enveloped us before rising from his position on the couch and stretching.

"I'm going to sleep...are you coming Daniel?" The mop-haired boy nods in response before waving goodnight to me and leaving with Minsoo.

I sit for a while, alone with my thoughts, before deciding to head off to bed as well.

I feel like changing my mind as soon as I set foot in my room.

On the opposite bed to mine is Jonghyun, who is comfortably back-hugging Byunghyun as they sleep. So they both really were 'going to bed'. The scene in front of me should seem sweet, yet it irks me for some unknown reason. Probably partly because I don't feel comfortable sleeping in my own bed with those two there. Who knows what they might get up to... The thought sends a shiver down my spine and causes me to shudder. Chanhee...you have a really dirty mind...Or an extremely y imagination! It's just like me to humour myself in the most awkward of situations.

I pull my pillow off my bed and head to the place where I knnow someone probably needs comfort.

Changhyun and Jonghyun's room.

I pull open the door lightly as to not wake him, but find Changhyun sitting on his bed clutching a pillow, apparently deep in though. He finally notices my prescence. "Oh, hyung, I didn't see you there, sorry. What are you doing here?"

"Well...if you haven't noticed Jonghyun's not here, and he and Byunghyun kind of took over my room. Do you mind if I stay here with you tonight?" He shakes his head and stares at his hands. I walk over to him and sit beside him, wrapping an arm around his neck in the process.

"What's wrong, Changhyun?" he rubs a hand under his nose before looking up at me.

"I'm just shocked hyung. He never said anything....I thought I knew him pretty well...I didn't even think those two were good friends..."

"Me too Changhyun, me too.."

"Can you..sleep with me tonight, hyung?" He asks timidly, and I respond my wrapping my arms around his waist, pulling him down onto the mattress and covering us both with the duvet.

"Good night Changhyun." I whisper to him as he flicks off the light swicth beside the bed.

"Good night hyung.." He murmurs and I nestle my face into his hair, breathing in his scent. I loved moments like these. Just me, my dongsaeng, and an intimate feeling I can only describe as pure friendship. It always makes me comfortable, safe, happy and complete.

But tonight, something was missing, and I became determined to find out what it was.

After Noteee

Yep, new fic. I'm sorry! Ideas at 1am come into my head, so stupid I know. I will update other fics asap, am working on a heap at the moment! Hopefully will have daily updates, but they will be for different fics so sit tight and I'll try my best! Fighting! Comment and let me know which ones u guys like so I can update them more regualarly. Enjoy my little friends :3

as always,

ily xx